Sunday, November 28, 2010


I'm back!  Miss me much?  Prolly not I know >.<

Unpacked....partial check.
Stressed...?  Eh only a little bit more than my baseline.

I've been busy.  Love you all but when life gets busy everything gets put on hold.

So let's recap how my life has been this past...oh month that I've been gone.

You know I'm getting really good at this "not gaining not losing" business when life gets busy.  I'm concerned enough to eat well enough to not gain, but not concerned enough to exercise my heart out to lose.  Go figure.  You'll see why here in a sec.

We moved to our new place October 22nd.  Took us all day to unload and return the truck, another couple days to get the boxes in some semblence of order in order to start unpacking and I'm still unpacking....been a month gotta love it.  Mostly I'm left with stuff I don't know where the hell to put.  >.<  Our place is bigger than the one we had in Los Alamos.  In fact I think I have two bedrooms worth of space in my bedroom, I can walk around the bed freely, well I could if I didn't have some boxes of junk to throw away but that's another issue entirely.  So between moving and unpacking and such most of my weekends are taken up by that, and then I've had to help mom move.

Yes, she moved, back to Illinois (after I moved here for her go figure ugh).  She found out after we started ramping up to move that the bank sold the house out from under her to an investment firm and they wanted her out.  So she packed up and moved back to IL because she doesn't know if she can work and she doesn't have to pay rent where she's at right now living with my aunt and that was that.  I was against the whole idea but it's not my life, I can't really say much.  She left the 14th, just before thanksgiving. thanksgiving really sucked, more so because I had 30 bucks to my name and no thanksgiving meal stuff in the kitchen, in fact no real food in the kitchen at all save some random canned goods.  /sigh

Work has been pretty...non-eventful really.  I am loving the 10 minute drive instead of the hour and a half one way.  Been just doing a little bit of training, little bit of work, and a whole lot of yackin' with co-workers and trying to network.  And before you say wtf it's a state job, no work ever really gets done there.  lol.  I mean, we do our work and do it well, but the inbetween is a lot of talking about what's going on at the houses, and depending on what level you work on, they talk a lot about some staffing issues.  Luckily for me I'm the one bringing up some of these issues that are training related that need to be done (really a lot of staffing overhaul going on), and so I get to sit in on a lot of their discussions.  And the reason I say lucky for me is because this is what my degree is in, so I'm being involved in a lot of the administrative stuff and get to have my input, let's me seem like I'm worth promoting (I hope!).  Anyway...

This past weekend I got my brakes fixed, and found out my calipur was shot in the back so it cost me almost 300 bucks out of pocket to fix.  That is the direct reason why I had no thanksgiving dinner because I hadn't even bought groceries yet and had to fix it.  Ugh.  So...I bought a loaf of bread and some ramen.  I just keep telling myself it's only 4 more days until payday....

I'm sticking right around 260 and looking for some inspiration here peeps.  I need to get back on the bandwagon (for good dammit) and I don't want to be all "New Years resolution" type person either.  Nice thing is though with the lack of thanksgiving big get together I didn't gain any unnecessary weight from it rofl!  Now Christmas on the other hand....>.>

Anyway Until next time, it's time to help D finish up his homework.


Friday, October 8, 2010


Says it all really.  Lots of issues this week.

I've been trying to find a doctor in the area, and I've realized just how hard it is to find a new doctor.  How do you know if someone's decent?  And the fact that I have absolutely NO clue what's "nearby" in downtown Phoenix is kind of killin' me when it comes to finding a nearby doctor.  Joy. 

I worked this week on getting some stuff switched over to the new place.  I had to get our internet switched so that it'd be "on" for when we move in, ready for us to get connected.  Regardless if my computer's hooked up, I still need internet access for work, so had to be ready by the time we move in.  Got that all arranged today on my drive home from work.  Made the drive home go much quicker that's for sure.  Now it's just a matter of getting some stuff ready to go, I need to get some packing tape, and a few things that I know I'm going to need, like a rolling laundry basket.  I have a laundry basket I can use in the home, but since I have on site laundry and it's not too far away rollng laundry would be nice, especially for those times when you have more than one basket of laundry to do :)

Weight loss is sucking.  I don't even want to look at the scale.  I have a new office-mate that started on Monday.  She's really nice, just having a baby, and is breast feeding so she pumps pretty regularly and that's fine, no big deal we're both women I can handle it.  She's really cool about it, asks if it's ok, though lately she's been asking if I had anywhere to go so that way I'm not like doing the potty dance for the 15 minutes.  No big deal.  But we both like to eat, and we're both overweight and so it's kinda ugh.  We ate out two times this week and I'm trying to avoid it!  lol.  But she said we could always go for a walk at lunch time, that'd be nice to have a walking buddy if it works out alright.  We get along, so that's nice.  Plus she's real big on decorating, which is awesome since we're kind of gonna be locked into this halloween decorating thing.  See, I was going to decorate so I got a couple of small decorations to hold me over until I got paid.  But then the office lady next to me, yeah she totally decorated the hell out of her office.  And oh it was on like donkey kong!  It'll be fun to get some decorations within a budget of less than 30 bucks total.  Dollar store is my friend /nod nod lol.

So I'm hoping to lose some, or at least not gain.  I'm sure the actual move itself will help in that department.  That and being able to eat a "real meal" at lunch time because I won't have to worry about it getting soggy on the way to work will be nice. 

I need to work out more, eat less and get off the damn sugar kick I've been on lately.  /sigh I hate being fat.  >.<

Until next time.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Finally! An end to the Madness!!!

Ok, so if you've been reading at all since I came back to the blogging world, you know about my current living arrangement situation.  I'm currently living with my mother who, bless her heart, tries her best to make us feel welcome, but you know how it is...once you've lived on your own, it's hard to go back and live in a parents house again.  *Especially* if you've got a significant other that isn't used to/doesn't understand etc how the parent is.  D tries, he really does, but there's 5 people living in a 3 bedroom, two of which are teen/tween's, and it honestly just doesn't work.

Well starting October 22, that'll all change.  We're moving to a new apartment on the 22nd of October, up by where I work.  I'll no longer have to get up at the crack ass of dawn to go to work, I can sleep in until *gasp!* 7am.  Or get up at 6am to work out before going to work.  O...M....G!  LIFE OF LUXURY!  lol.  The new place is about 2 or 3 miles from work, and it avoids all interstate driving.  I leave the apartment complex, drive to the main street that runs nearby, drive straight south about 2 or 3 miles and pull into the work's parking lot.  That's it!  Best of all?  It's only 599 a month ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED SCORE!  lol.  For damn near downtown Phoenix, I'll take it!  We've visited the complex, the lady is really nice, she showed us around.  The nearby area is pretty decent, the houses nearby all have lawns/rock areas that are maintained, there's a row of businesses in front of us and a mall down the street that all don't look too shabby.  As neighborhoods go it's acceptable.  Might be a little traffic noisy especially during the peak hours, but I don't mind traffic, I used to live right off greek row in college, which had a very busy street and it could be pretty noisy.  It's near 3 different grocery stores, a mall, my work, and to top it all off, it's on the first floor which is just freaking awesome.  I'm really stoked can you tell?

So I have to talk to my boss person and work something out for that week when it comes to my hours.  I'm going to see if I can just work 4 10's and then have that Friday off to pack the truck, or maybe work 4 9's and take off by 11 provided I go in at 7 so I can pack the truck.  Then Saturday will be the big move and Sunday will be the OMG I have way too much stuff and I'm too tired to unpack day in which I will attempt to unpack some of the important stuff and order out for the evening's meal followed by some much needed sleep by that point I'm sure.

D's stoked too, it'll be nice for us to have our own place.  We'll be far enough from my mom that she won't just randomly pop in any time she wants, but close enough to help out if she needs it. 

Don't get me wrong.  I absolutely love my mom, but like most parental units as you grow up, you can only take so much of them before you're ready for your own space again.  My mom'll do anything for you, and that's great.  But sometimes she gets a little over zealous.  D and I have an understanding that we'd talked about before we moved out here that the first person to get a job would work, and the other would have to wait (or find a job really close by) because we only have one vehicle (which btw is on "hospice" and is ready to die soon).  Well my mom's been really over zealous about it, especially with me coming home so tired about how he should be working blah blah blah and it's really frustrating to both of us.  This last time she got started in on it I had to tell her to quit that she'd raised me to be independent and a bread winner so I wouldn't have to rely on a man to bring home all the bacon and that she can't have it both ways for me to be assertive and independent yet willing to sit at home while he worked.  I just happened across my job first /shrug.

Anyway, so I'm excited, things are looking up and once we get settled and I get myself a treadmill for home that I HAVE ROOM FOR NOW!....I'll be on the downward trend!  Until then, I'm endevoring to get up at least 3 days a week and work out on mom's at 5am, and just trying to watch what I eat so I don't gain much if any until we get settled.

Until next time.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Back on the treadmill...

So this morning I woke up at 4:30, not very happy about it, but I decided to make the best of it.  D had come to bed about 3:30 this morning, not completely unusual, and not what really woke me up enough to make me get out of bed.  As soon as his head hit the pillow and he started falling asleep he must have gone into a nightmare because he started twitching and tossing and turning and despite my attempts to snap him out of it by awakening him at least 3 times, he continued to fall back into his dreams or whatever.  And so I said SCREW IT and got up lol.  I ate breakfast at 4:30 which consisted of oatmeal and a bottle of juice (100% no sugar added I might add!).  Then at 5am I decided since I'm up I might as well hit the treadmill.  So I did.  I went for about 30 minutes, from 5:30 to 6.  I would've gone longer but unfortunately I had to get off the treadmill to get ready for work.  Gotta be out the door by 6:30 after all.  And yes I realize it's 6:21 and I'm on here, but I've already had my shower, grabbed together a lunch and gotten dressed for work in those 15 minutes lol. 

My conclusion is I'm going to try to get up at 4:30 every morning to get on the treadmill.  I'm just too tired when I get home and I dislike working out at all in front of others, even my own family, and no one's up at 4:30.  Gives me half an hour to wake up before I gotta hop on, I just need to have my workout clothes laid out the night before so I can find them quicker, that's what took me so long this morning :(

So one day this week of working out accomplished!  I'm going to try for 3!  ^.^

Monday, September 27, 2010

Busy busy busy and needing some ideas!

So it's been damn near a month since I last posted.  I've been so busy I honestly didn't realize it'd been that long.  Let's recap a bit of what's been goin' on in my world lately shall we?

Weight loss front: I've not gained or lost really.  I've maintained within a pound up or pound down from my 260 weight.  I was 259 before I started working, and I'm at 261 as of this morning.  Sure I'm not losing but as hectic as my life has been, it's acceptable right now.  I've started walking again and swimming at night so I'm hoping to lose more here soon.  Adjusting to my new job and such has kind of thrown me off my game but I'm back so life is good.

Job front: Love my job.  I work for the state and that's awesome.  The benefits are freaking amazing.  I'm currently waiting for my medical card so I can get in to see a nutritionalist/weight loss specialist which, by the way is covered by my insurance as a "preventative" meaning I only pay a 10 dollar copay and they pay the rest.  Can't complain there! I'm sure I can lose weight on my own, but if I can get professional advise to help me out along the way there's no harm in doing so.  I don't want fad dieting, or anything, but ideas would be great. 

Commuting sucks though.  I'm eager to get my own place so I don't have to drive so flippin' far to work.  Right now my average commute is about an hour.  At least TO work.  On the way home there's no telling how long it'll take.  I am supposed to work 8 to 5 or 8 to 4:30 if I take a shorter lunch which would put me home between 5:30 and 6, but I seem to get home closer to 6 or 6:30 because of traffic.  I've also had some late nights for training reasons mostly.  I do get the perk of flexing out my overtime (well it's required but it's still a perk to me!) which means that I can leave early if I'm over a day previous or know I'll be over later that week.  So for example, last monday I had to leave work at 3 to get home before 5 to get my car from the shop (a whole different kind of long story there).  So I left at 3 and on Tuesday I knew I'd have to stay late and left on Tuesday at 5.  Then Wed and Thurs I left at 5:30 and 5 respectively so on Friday I had to leave by 1:30 to make up the difference since I come in at 7:30 every morning to beat traffic. 

My boss is very flexible, and she's already started teaching me things to help me get the experience I need to be able to fill her position when she retires (she's probably late 50's early 60's) as she knows I'm interested in moving up over time and that I have the background and education to go far she's said.  I'm not going to complain. 

So my days have basically consisted of waking up at 5am, getting my shower, getting dressed, grabbing breakfast and leaving for work by no later than 6:30.  Dropping the kids off at school on my way because I drive right by their school and then getting to work around 7:30.  I work from 7:30 until either 4 or 4:30, or later depending on if it's a late night or not, and then drive back home, eat dinner, relax and go to bed.  I've started throwing in a late evening walk lately with my mom.  Unfortunately though because of all the pain she's in it takes us almost an hour to walk what would normally take me 20 minutes to walk.  I'm hoping she is able to work up to where I was before so I can get in some good long walks again.  Maybe I'll just start getting on the treadmills in the morning before I shower and eat.  I get up at 5 not because I need an hour and a half to get ready but because I like to wake up a little before I have to drive in the crazy traffic.  So maybe by getting on the treadmill every morning I can wake up a little faster. Who knows, we'll see.  It's a will power thing, and I'm a little low on the willpower this past month when it comes to getting in exercise, I'm just so tired!

Other weight loss info: I've signed up for a 3 mile walkathon for breast cancer for November.  I can't remember the date, which I'm hoping will help me to get my ass off the damn chair and more walking in order to facilitate this said 3 mile walk.  I don't have any donation information at this point, I'm still waiting for my finalized paperwork saying I'm golden to join, once I have that I'll post more info.  I am also in need of a new weight loss goal for my 10%.  I've left my 10% from my first weight loss journey as my first goal, and I'm not far from it, only about 4 pounds give or take. But I have no real goal.  I'd originally wanted to go to this awesome japanese style massage parlor in Santa Fe but obviously that's no long a realistic goal.  It's too far away now, not driving over 8 hours for a massage sorry!  lol.  I can't say Oh I'll go get a pedicure or something like that because frankly I do a pedicure every month.  If I didn't my feet would be so cracked and such I wouldn't be able to walk.  I tried to not do pedicures last time I was unemployed for a length of time and I was in so much pain, ugh.  Needless to say my once a month pedicure has stayed...and i'm due for one soon now that I'm thinking about it...anyway...

So I'm wondering if anyone has ideas for a good reward.  And this is a big thing for me, I've never lost 10% of anything but my savings account stash lol.  I'd buy a new video game but that's a big counter productive to getting me to move  So anyway ideas welcome!

That's pretty much what's going on in a nutshell.  Busy with work, looking for an apartment, trying to eat healthy and lose weight but at least I'm maintaining.  I'll try to post more as I get a chance.  I've not fallen off the face of the earth, I promise!  :)

Until next time.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Some good news.

So things are falling into place like they should for once in my freaking life.  I nailed that job, and I didn't just nail it, I got slid into the higher pay grade.  So I'm officially an employee for the state of Arizona.  I start that on Tuesday at 8am.  I get my own office and everything, I'm stoked.  I also finally got my car back, and it's running good.  I've also started looking for a place, right now it's a 45 minute or so drive to work so I need to try to cut down that travel time soon, plus I want my own place with D dammit.  After being independent for so long I hate living at home. 

Weight loss is fine, haven't really exercised this week though, I've just not gone overboard with eating.  Been busy getting ready.  I had to buy some new clothes for work and I've wearing a size 22 pant now, and a 2x shirt.  Nice considering I was in a 26 pant and 4x shirt when I started.  I'll take it.  :)

So I hope things go well with ya'll.  I may be a little quiet for a week or two while I get into the swing of things.

Until next time.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

It's been a long week already.  Thursday of last week was exciting, I really nailed the state interview and by Friday they had called me back because the woman wanted me to come back to do a second interview so she can try to get me into a higher pay grade.  I'm down for that, more money good!  Saturday was spent pretty much all day finding an outfit for said second interview.  Then Sunday I relaxed a little and honestly couldn't tell you where my day went.

Now Monday I had to get up early and go to Phoenix for that second interview.  It was pretty quick and easy, some similar questions and she sent me on my way.  Within an hour of me leaving that interview they'd already hit up two of my references.  So I'm pretty sure I'm in like Flynn, and I'm not complaining.

Beware, below is a rant and has nothing to do with weight loss so you're welcome to skip it if you want...

Then Monday took a turn for the worst.  My car has been in the shop since the end of July.  What I thought was a leaking radiator turned out to be a possible busted head gasket or busted heads or both.  That wasn't why Monday went down hill.  I called the place on Thursday to make sure my car had been started on.  They've had it for a couple of weeks once we found out what was wrong and had said they hadn't started it prior because another car they were working on that had a similar problem was not cooperating and they only had one mechanic.  Well once I found out I did so well on that state job and would probably need a car asap I called to find out if they'd started on it yet because if not I was going to take it somewhere else to get it fixed so I'd have a car for my new job.  So when I called on Thursday they said "Oh yeah we took the heads off and sent them in a couple of days ago".  Ok, so I can't take my car, that's fine just try to get it done quickly ok?  Then on Saturday another guy from the shop calls me to tell me that they hadn't started on the car yet.  I was like what do you mean you haven't started, the guy Thursday told me the heads had been sent out already!  Oh I was pissed.  So I told him if you haven't started on it don't bother, I will be down to pick up my car today.  So I get down there at about 2:30 after we get done shopping and their shop is closed.  Sign says they're open until 5.  Pissed off meter rising....

I see my car in plain sight, so I walk over to it and they've got it blocked in and it's unlocked with the key on the floor of the floorboard.  Pissed meter rising even more.  I do NOT like my car unlocked for any reason.  I specifically told them that when I dropped my car off.  I said unless it's in their garage locked up I did not want my car left unattended and unlocked.  No there's nothing to really steal but I don't need to get my car back missing a radio or something.  I digress...

So my mom and I walk over to my car, pop the hood, nothing is touched, heads aren't off nothing.  We would've taken it right then if it hadn't been blocked in by an RV and another car.  Convinently enough the car had no engine so moving that one was out of the question and the RV was locked.  /rolls eyes.  Fine, so we locked my car up and took the key so that (we thought) they couldn't try to fuck us by making it so we can't pick it up on Monday.  The person that was there doing something else for a different company had said that they left early as they do on Saturdays, and then after we left he must have called the guy that runs the place and said we were there because he called me at about 6pm.  Said when they don't "have anything going on" they go home early on Saturdays.  And my thought was really, so you have nothing going on, when you COULD have been working on my car since I know they were also closed LAST Saturday.  I was like well let me tell you something, I looked at my car and nothing was done.  I want no one to touch it, I would've taken it right then but it was blocked in.  I took the key I do not want you to work on it and I will be back on Monday to pick it up and get a refund of the 400 dollars I put down to work on this car and he was trying to say oh but we can have it done by Friday (after he originally told me that it takes at least a week and a half to get the heads back and yet they haven't been sent out?) and I said no, don't do it, I do not want you to work on it anymore.  I left it at that and hung up.

So Monday comes around and I couldn't get out there at 8am when they opened because of my interview.  Finished the interview and got out there at about 11:30 and the guy that was supposed to be working on my car, probably not any older than me, and not the guy I'd originally talked to over the phone tells me oh I can give you the car back but I'm not giving you a full refund.  I was like well we didn't expect a full refund because our agreement was 30 bucks to find out what was wrong with it and he smirked and was like well I sent the heads off so you will have to pay for that too.  I was like WHAT?!  Omg I was so pissed!  I said show me my car, now.  So he takes me out back and pops the hood and low and behold my engine is completely torn apart.  I was like why the fuck did you take the heads off.  I specifically said DO NOT WORK ON IT.  He had already been getting rude with us and got all pissy and said I'm not going to argue with you, tow your fucking car out of here for all I care but you're getting no money back and your heads you'll have to pick up later.  He lied straight to my face and tried to say it was like that before he left on Saturday and stuck to that story even after I said he was lying because we were out here after he'd left on Saturday and it was NOT like that. I said I wanted to speak to Dennis which was the guy I always talked to on the phone and he dials a number continuing to say he's not going to fucking argue with us and then practically throws the phone at me.  The person on the line was not Dennis, it was the actual owner, who knew nothing about my car because he'd been out of the office with his dad having a stroke.  He said the guy (who by now had walked away) had called him and said he was going in on Sunday to do a little work on the car.  It took every ounce of energy I had to not just explode at this guy, seriously.  I told him about how rude this punk kid was to the customers, about how I'd been lied to at least twice this week alone, and now I can't have my car taken somewhere else to get it worked on because it's all torn apart.  I told him I had a job coming up that required my car and it'd already been sitting here for over a month with no progress. 

In the end the owner told me he'd call the machine shop and put a rush on my heads to have them done by Tuesday and that he personally would come down to the shop and fix my car up on Wednesday provided the heads were good.  If the heads aren't good it may take an extra day to get the new engine for my car to put that in for me.  I said well I don't really have a choice in this matter because it's not like I can just tow my car off but that I, under no uncertain terms do not want that punk kid to touch my car at all.  I don't even want him to get in it to move it.  Nothing.  He also said he'd do it for pennies on the dollar instead of charging me as much as it was supposed to be.

Have I mentioned I hate mechanics?  >.>

Anyway, so weight loss is good, car not so much.  Here's to hoping I get this job!

Until next time.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Well, lookie there.

It's been 1 month exactly since I made the commitment to lose weight (again) and I've worked hard this month.  Maybe not as hard as I could have, but I've still exercised way more this month than I ever have in the past.  I've ate better this month than I have in the past.  And I've managed my stress (which if you've read my posts lately is considerable) outside of eating. 

And the scale shows it...for once :P

I weighed in today at 260.2.  This is a new low for me even when I started the first time I never got to 260.2.  I got down to like 262ish but never this low.  So I'm glad.  Scale teases me by not letting me be under 260 but that's ok, I'll take the 10.4 pound loss and run with it.  That's an average of 2.6 pounds per week.  Not bad, a little over the "1 to 2 pounds" they say you should lose per week, but it just means I'm doing it the way I should.

I got in a good walk last night.  I got up early this morning and got going to my interview which, by the way went freaking awesome.  I had a panel interview with 3 people, and I think it went really well.  The lady told me as we were leaving that they would "defientally be in touch".  So I'm going to let my hopes climb at least a little that it will mean they're interested and want me to join their team.  ^.^ Hopefully in the next couple of weeks (you know how state can be) I'll be posting I have a new full time job XD

I feel good, really.  I've lost quite a bit of weight this month, and I had a huge NSV today when I put my outfit on today to interview in.  I bought it earlier this year for another interview, it's a nice pair of pants, shirt and a jacket and when I bought it it fit, but it wasn't exactly the most comfortable.  But today I put it all on and wow, talk about a huge difference.  The jacket fit much better today than it did last time, and the shirt wasn't continually feeling like it was bunching up around my rolls, and the pants I could zip, button and snap without feeling like I was running out of air holding my gut in.

Was a nice change that's for sure.

But for now, I'm going to get dinner done so I can eat, I'm starvin' over here, been a very long day.

Until next time!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Tomorrow's the day!

Tomorrow is a big day for me.  For many reasons! 

1) It's my first weigh in day since last month.  I get to see how much I've lost (I hope!). 

2) I have a job interview for a state position tomorrow!  This could be awesome if I get the position.  State benefits?  Sign me up!

3) I get to test how far I've come in my walking.  When I began all this it KILLED me to walk down to Shell and back which is about 3.5 miles one way, so about 7 miles total.  Walked it in about 2 hours.  We're going to get up early and walk that same route again to see if I still feel like I'm keeling over after.  I can't say I've been so excited about exercise since I was a kid >.>

Check in tomorrow to see how I weighed in, and how the walk went XD

Until tomorrow!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

The 26th approaches...!

So I just realized what today actually was.  Besides being a Saturday (win!) and my cousin's birthday bash tonight (win for her, not quite so much for me), it's also the 21st!  That means in 5 days I get to see how much my effort (somewhat lacking) has helped in my weight loss.

I know I've lost.  My clothing fits a little looser, my ring is starting to really twirl on my finger which only happens when I've lost a significant amount of weight.  I don't eat near as much or get as hungry randomly thoughout the day, etc.  I also know my walks (albeit a bit lacking) have gotten a little faster and farther since I started this a month ago.  I have also learned to say NO (and in some cases HELL NO) to foods or eating until I'm stuffed and so forth. 

I just wonder how much I have lost. 

As I posted earlier, my exercising has been a bit of hit and miss the last week or two.  This week I walked two days during my "official exercising week" time period.  We started walking late at night (like 10 or 11pm) instead of real early in the morning.  With all the stress going on walking in the morning was just stressing me out because I'm not a morning person.  I was having a hard time getting up and going for a walk, and walking at night helps to relieve the tension, D and I can just walk and talk (well he talks, I struggle to walk and talk which is sign of a good work out for me lol). 

The home front has quieted a little.  I had a long talk with my mom and laid out some stuff that was bothering us.  She doesn't think of me as an adult, the whole only child don't want to think of them grown up syndrom or something.  But she'll do the same to D and me that she does to the kids (which I also talked to her about) which is just knocking and then immediately walking in.  Drives me nuts.  I have nothing to hide, but I do enjoy my privacy.  D is a very private person when it comes to showing any affection.  That's not to say I won't get a quick peck on the cheek or something if we're near family but he's not the type to hold hands, or put his arm around you or something while we're in public.  So my affection meter has been really low from him because mom always manages to walk in when we're laying in bed talking (there's really no room in this room for much else than the bed) and it's really frustrating.  So we talked for a long time, mom and I, and things seem to have quieted down a little.  At least for now.

I've also had an interesting thing happen Friday.  I'd applied for job after job out here, many months before I even moved.  Some of which involved state positions.  I got a letter in the mail on Friday that had gone to my previous address and took forever to get to me, but it's a job interview offer for a state position working with individuals with developmental disabilities here in Arizona.  Of course, by the time I got the letter, the deadline set was within a few days.  So I had to quickly fill out the information and send it in.  I tried calling to set up an interview (as the paper said to) but she wasn't there on Friday.  So I'm really crossing my fingers that this job will pan out.  I'm working part time, but it's very temporary and I have no clue if I'll actually get a full time position with them.  I've seen that of the 8 people working in the little area I'm working there, 6 of us are temps, and 4 of them have been there for over 3 months without being officially hired on.  That's a little worrisome to me.  Plus some of the crazy stuff they have going on there with their AR deparment and stuff raises an eyebrow.  But it's a job, and it pays ok so I do it to have at least a little income.  But to land a state job would be nice. 

Bah it's time for me to pack up and get going.  Got a little girl's birthday bash to get going.  Hope everyone has a good one today

Until next time.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Up and Down couple of weeks.

And no, I'm not talking about my weight.  I still have not been on a scale but I don't feel I have gained any weight or anything.  I'm talking about my exercise for the past week and a half or so.  I started off strong last week like I said I would.  I walked Monday and Tuesday, but then Wednesday and Thursday my legs were aching so bad not because I was doing anything different but because I was just walking too much I think.  I don't mean the aching you get when you've walked too long, or done squats for 30 minutes straight.  This was a different sort of aching.  They ached so bad I couldn't hardly sleep.  Like a deep muscle ache I guess.  So I took a couple of days off to rest them and on Friday I hit the treadmill and walked for about half the time I usually do.

Fast forward to this week and I haven't walked a single day yet.  I've been rather stressed this past week and a half.  Not job related at all, in fact, I enjoy my job, I feel like I actually get shit accomplished there.  No, my stress stems from my home life.

My mom is sick.  She's been confirmed to have Bone Cancer.  They're trying to now decide is it able to be treated or is she just SOL like my father was in 2006 and if so, how long does she have roughly.  The issue she had in IL where we found her not breathing and unresponsive (and despite what she says I swear to god she had no pulse) was a result of the new medication they put her on because of the possibility of having Bone Cancer to try to help with the pain.  Bone cancer is very very painful, it makes your entire body hurt, she can barely walk, everything just hurts.  So, for obvious reasons, her temper fuse is extremely short.

Now.  I have 2 cousins that are going to be 13 and 12 in the next 3 weeks.  They're tweens.  Hell they're acting like teenagers anyway.  And you know how teenagers can be.  They can be mean, they can be spiteful, and they're very ungrateful for what they're given.  These teenagers that I love to hate sometimes, don't know about my mom's condition.  They just know that she's sick, and we chalked it up to her fibromialsia which is something they know she has getting worse.  However, they're onto the fact that something else is up.  My mom doesn't want to worry them since my dad died so quickly from cancer.  The older of the two asked me a couple of days ago if my mom is sick like my dad was.  It was so freaking hard to tell her it was the fibromialsia.  So that's one stressor for me.  I want these kids to know what's going on but my mom won't let me tell them.  They, of course, don't get it and they're all pissed off all the time because my mom snaps at them constantly.  You can imagine the yelling matches and stuff.

Luckily my job has me working from 2pm to 7pm.  So basically I'm gone by the time the kids get home from school and by the time I get home it's almost bed time for them.  I miss being around them but I don't miss the drama.  But when I get in the car from being picked up from work, D's always got some sort of stuff to bitch about with the kids and my mom.  He loves the kids to death but he thinks my mom's way too hard on them, and honestly I feel the same way but we feel like we're stuck between a rock and a hard place with no where to go.  We're stuck in one little tiny room in the house, any time we go outta that room with our stuff, it's given back to us within an hour of leaving it out in the living room which drives me bonkers.  Feels like we're always being told to go back to our cage or something.  My mom is like a Nazi with bed times and going out and stuff, and she wasn't like that before.  These kids still have to be in bed by 8, and when I was their age I was staying up until 9 because I always watched Star Trek.  Then by the time I was in HS I was up until 10 or 11 every night, sometimes later if I had lots of homework.

But I digress.

My problem is I feel like we're constantly stuck in stress land with no where to go to unwind.  You'd think that a good walk would destress me but it doesn't.  I feel more stressed because I haven't walked because I feel like I'm failing when it comes to trying to lose weight but fuck me it's hot outside during the day.  Usually in the evenings it's still too hot.  Or last night I wanted to go for a walk but once I got home I was told I had to stay home because I needed to be there in case the AC guys came.  Our motor for the AC blower went out late in the afternoon.

I'm doing fine on eating, and that alone should help me continue to lose albeit at a slower rate than I would if exercising too.  As stressed as I am if I find myself looking around for something to eat I just remind myself that it's emotional eating and walk away.  I stick to my three meals a day and have fruit while at work.  That's all I allow myself.  When I do eat some "non healthy" food, like yesterday when I had a brat and some sour cream and onion chips for the first time in a long time, I measure everything out and stick to ONE serving.  Last night we had Subway since we didn't want to heat up the already hot house even more by cooking.  I had a 6 inch oven roasted chicken breast sandwich with lettuce, tomato, a small amount of black olives, spinach, and red onion with one light swipe of light mayo and a little salt and pepper.  Saved the other 6 inch portion of it for lunch today.  I also shared half a bag of cheddar flavored sun chips.  I was pretty full after that dinner.

Now I just need to get my fat ass motivated again to walk some more...ugh

Until next time... 

Monday, August 9, 2010

A review of my accomplishments and a look ahead...

So, it's Sunday!  End of the week for me, new week starts tomorrow both at work, at home, and on the weight loss front.  I figured I'd take the time, then, to review my accomplishments and look to next week at what I expect to do.

First of all, I got up every day this week, Monday through Friday and walked.  Some days were lighter than others but the fact remains that I exercised 5 times this week!  That was my goal and for the first time in a long time I finally met it.  So I'm really proud of myself :)

I found my "perfect walk" pattern in the area.  I also used the car to figure out roughly how long of a walk it is.  It's about 2 miles.  That's pretty damn good to be walking every morning which is what I'm going to be doing ^.^  Right now it takes me almost an hour to walk that far.  Kind of slow, but my plan is to walk it faster within a month and then I'll look into expanding my walking area.

I have stayed off the scale since the 26th of July.  No peeking for me, not bad for a girl that usually weighs every day.

I found and purchased some supplies for my weight loss.  I had no real shorts or anything to walk in, just a couple of pairs of jean shorts and I was using my normal shirts thus running out of anything to wear rather quickly.  So I bought a few pairs of cloth shorts (size 20 mind you! I wore 26 or 24's when I started all this.  Granted, they are the stretchy cloth type but still!) and a headband to keep sweat out of my eyes so I can stop wearing a baseball cap.  Now I can walk in my new cloth shorts and a tank top.  Don't like it don't look is my motto.

I have stayed relatively on plan for eating.  That's not to say I haven't enjoyed eating out now and again but I've done so in such moderation my mother even wondered who I was and what I did with her daughter.  For example, D had a hankering for Taco Bell.  I had 2 hard shell tacos, that's it.  That's coming from someone that could easily eat 6 to 8 of those things.  Similarly when D wanted Wendy's (he's having a bad week from nightmares, so I'm not saying much about his eating out), I passed on eating there and ate chicken at home with some veggies instead.  Friday we got home real late, and stopped at Jack in the box, I ate half my teriyaki bowl and saved the rest for later, warming up some veggies to go with it.  All the other nights of the week we've ate at home and I've been eating whatever we make in moderation then too.

Finally I have completely given up caffinated beverages.  I've had one or two sprites this week but that's it.

So let's now look at the week ahead for what I want to accomplish.

I want to walk my perfect walk route all 5 days this week.  It'll be hard, my route is not easy for me.  It's all flat yes, but 2 miles is a long walk for me.  I will push myself to walk it all 5 days.

I want to continue to not drink caffine.  I've done good so far, but after a couple of weeks you end up with a craving, yeah that's the one i want to avoid...

I want to eat at home more.  It's hard for dinner, for me, to eat at home because I'm just getting home about 7:30 or 8pm and I'm usually really hungry and anything sounds good.  So I need to eat dinner at home more, even if I have to make it early in the day and warm it up when I get home.  I'd like to eat dinner at home Monday through Friday at least 3 times this week.  Weekends I don't count as part of my "goal week".  Don't get me wrong, I don't go gung-ho crazy eat whatever I want.  But those are my relax and rejuv days.  So if we do go out because we decided to go to dinner and a movie?  good!  lol.

Anyway that's that, I'm going to skeedadle outta here.

Until next time.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Ugh mornings kick my...

I dislike mornings.  I really do.  I am not a morning person in the least.  However, I'm happy to say that I have been 100% successful in getting my fat ass out of bed every morning this week by no later than 6:15 and getting out there walking as soon as I'm dressed.

In fact, this morning, I walked down to Broadway and around back to my house.  That's quite a walk.  Broadway happens to be halfway between here and Shell, which, if you remember, I posted last week I walked to and it totally kicked my rear.  So I'm working up to being able to walk there this coming end of the month to assess how much better I am getting fitness wise. 

See, this is what I'm doing.  Last week was a total bust.  I started off strong but ended up sicker than a dog for reasons beyond my control that had nothing to do with my weight loss.  It happens.  I accepted the fact that it royally screwed the pooch for me to start gungho like I wanted to.  The first day was just a get up and get moving day.  The second day D pushed me really hard to see how far was borderline too much for me.  We decided that we'd walk to Shell, which is quite a ways, a good 3 miles away one way.  Needless to say I was a puddle by the time I got home.  Yes, I made it but fuck if I wasn't dying by the end of my walk.  That afternoon my fever started, so I couldn't really walk anymore that week.  I did get in a couple of walks over the weekend, but that was out of necessity not necessarily because I wanted to.  Weekends are my "rest time" where if I go for a walk, fine, if not, that's fine.  I usually end up with exercise anyway because I do housework, yard work, pool time, so on and so forth all throughout the weekend.  This weekend, for example, we plan on going to the nearby waterpark.  So I'm sure I'll get some exercise there too.  If I take a day off during the week for some reason, I may pick up a day on the weekend, but I haven't decided yet.

This week I've been working on finding that "perfect" walk path to take that is enough to make me feel it, but not so much that I am dying by the time I get home.  I started off doing 2 blocks Monday, moved it to two laps of 2 blocks around my house Tuesday, was going to try to do more on Wednesday but I had to take my car in to get checked, so I couldn't ended up just doing 2 blocks twice like Tuesday.  Then today I walked to Broadway, around and then back down to our house and that was as perfect as it gets.  By the time I got home I was sweating, breathing heavier than normal, and my legs felt quite a bit like jello.  So I'll do it again tomorrow to finish out the week and do it for the next week or two or three until I feel like I'm adjusting to it then add a streetlight to my walk which would be basically the length to shell and back.  Out here there's lots of side streets that I refer to as "blocks" and then major intersections that have lights which are the "light blocks".  Broadway and around to our house again is a "light block".  It in corporates like 6 or 7 of the smaller blocks. 

So there's my plan, and hopefully by the 26th I'll have lost some weight, and on the 27th I'll be able to do my own little physical assessment and see I'm doing better overall.  :)

Until next time!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Good morning!

So I'm back from my morning walk.  I walked by myself today, D started having a huge leg spasm at some point yesterday and so his leg is really sore.  I decided to give him the day off.  Myself, I had a leg cramp yesterday right when I woke up, you know the kind where your whole leg tries to curl up on itself and hurts SO bad?  Yeah that's the kind.  So needless to say I had a banana yesterday and this morning, potassium might be low.  Ain't anymore!  lol.  I walked anyway yesterday, even though the leg was a little sore, seemed to help.  It wasn't hurting the rest of the day but then this morning ugh my leg hurt!  Regardless, I got up and did my walk this morning.  I walked around our block twice, took a little over half an hour.  I also shocked the pool and in about an hour I'm going to go back out and skim off the bugs (thanks to the kids that decided leaving the light on all night would be a good idea) and get in the pool for some swimming exercise. 

I am sticking on plan.  I've been up both days this week at 6am to do my exercise.  I've also been eating well and not overeating or snacking on sweets etc.  I eat cereal generally for breakfast, sometimes a half a bagel, other times a couple of packets of oatmeal.  Lunch is generally large because I'm trying to get ready to work over the dinner hour so I need to eat a bigger lunch and smaller dinner.  Then dinner is generally small.  Yesterday I made mini pizza's with an English muffin, sauce, a little meat, cheese and some mushrooms.  Wasn't bad at all.  Tonight I think I am going to make some chicken, need to get some propane for the grill.  Hard to grill chicken if your grill is out of propane rofl.

I hope everyone has a great day!

Until next time.

Monday, August 2, 2010

New week!

So after being sick as a dog most of last week, a little bit of a crazy rollercoaster of a weekend, I'm back to my old self today.  As I posted before, from Tuesday mid morning on I was sicker than a dog.  I felt sick to my stomach, was running a fever, and so on.  Funny thing is, despite the crazy long walk we did that morning, I didn't ever really feel sore.  Probably because I slept through most of the week?  lol. 

On Thursday I had a total breakdown, was just bawling and even the little things set me off.  No, it wasn't that "time of the month" or anything like that.  I was just really upset because I'm still unemployed and my bank account has been dwindling down to next to nothing.  I don't do unemployment well.  Even knowing I have a "free" roof over my head and food on the table I feel bad for having to live off my mom yet again when I'm damn near 30 years old.  Sucks.  Especially when I was just worried that D would go nuts here and just go back to NM or something.  Amazing what kind of dumbass things our brains come up with to upset us right?  Anyway...that's over.  Moving on.

But then on Friday I got a rather frantic phone call from the agency that I put an app in and even interviewed at a couple of places last month.  One of the places I had interviewed for needed people to work some backlogged stuff and they wanted to know if I was interested.  Sure, why not, lord knows I need money to replace some of this used up funds right?  So I said sure, and went through all the steps to start working this week.  I might start today, or it might be tomorrow, depends on if they get my drug test results back before I'm supposed to be to work at 2pm.  Hours aren't great, 2pm to 7 or 8pm, but it pays well, 15 bucks an hour which is what I was making before.  So 25 to 30 hours per week making more than I was working for 11 bucks an hour at that other place and I have a good chance of getting hired on permanently.  I'll take it yo!  Part time is better than no time imo.  I'll basically be making roughly the same amount I was working for that other position but it's much much closer (like 10 to 15 minute drive) and I don't have to work quite so many hours to get the same amount of money.

The great thing?  Working these hours will leave me with plenty of time still to focus on my weight loss.  This is really important to me.  I have been working hard to get up and move every morning Monday through Friday, even if all we do is walk around the block (it's a big block, about a mile) it's still more than sitting around all day which is what I usually do.  That coupled with better eating means I'll lose weight.  But no updates on my weight loss for a month, I promised D I wouldn't step on the scale until the 26th.  Not that I wouldn't touch it cuz I need to move it now and again in the bathroom but just wouldn't weight myself :P  Must admit it feels I guess, not feeling like OMG I FORGOT TO WEIGH or something stupid. 

The only really bad thing that happened this week besides getting sick was that my car was SO dead I couldn't open it with the keylocker thing.  No big deal right? Just open it with the key?  Yeah I found out after owning the car for 6 years that my key works only in the ignition, doesn't work in the doors or trunk.  So I had to call a lock smith to have him make me a new key, then I jumped the car and ran it for like 30 minutes.  Shut it off, went back inside for a few hours, came back out and got in it and poof, again it's dead.  Not quite as dead as the first time, but still wouldn't start.  So I think my battery is dead or dying, probably the heat plus the fact that I haven't driven it in like 2 months straight lol.  Joy more freaking car repair bills.  This car so isn't worth it.../sigh...

Anyway, for now I'm off, I'm going to see if I can get my car fixed.

Until next time.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Day 2

So yesterday was Day 2 of D and I working out together and losing weight together.  We walked down to Shell and back.  Took us almost 2 hours, it's that far away.  It's about 3 miles there and then we took a different way home and that was probably closer to 4 miles home.  So about 7 total miles round trip.  I was, obviously, very sore when we got home, we went to the store to get food, and came home and I felt so sick it was rediculas.  I thought it was just because I'd overdone it, but when I was laying on my bed trying to get myself together I started feeling really sick, ended up throwing up, took my temperature at my mother's insistance and oh joy running over 100 degrees.

So needless to say D won't let me do any exercising today because I am still running a fever.  Oh well there's always tomorrow...

Until next time.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Day 1

Ok, so day 1 was...well...a little bit of a flop.  Not for lack of trying but because of what day it is.  Today is D's birthday, so needless to say the day was filled with some exercise (more on my part than his), but also some uber good food (and fattening!).  Regardless I got many of the things accomplished that I wanted to today, in the weight loss department...

I woke up at 5:45 and went for a walk about 6:15am.  Yes, that early.  >.>  We walked around the block once.  Just once.  Basically trying to get ourselves used to getting up and exercising that early, seeing how much D's knee can take (it was hurt in the war), and such.  I had a sensible breakfast of oatmeal.  Next he went back to bed (Jerk!  Think it was his birthday or something!) while I went outside and mowed the little lawn my mom has, picked up stuff to put it into the garbage to go out today, shredded some papers, and then got in the pool for about 2 hours.

This evening we went to a mexican restraunt to eat, had some damn good food and came home and go back in the pool for about 2 hours again.  I'm tired.

Tomorrow we're going to the store, D and I, to get food for the house.  So our "good" eating starts tomorrow.  Joy right?  :)

And tomorrow is work out day number 2, involving non-cardio work outs or so D says.  O.o

Off to bed, early to rise tomorrow!

Until next time.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

So I'm still technically on vacation.  We leave to go back to Arizona I guess since it's after midnight here.  It's been busy to say the least.  I've had some really good times, a particularly shitty time and some ok times.  I've also made two rather life altering decisions, so bare with me while I spell this all out for all of you :)

First the good times.  My friend Cathy who I've known for 8 years now has come to hang with us oh...3 or 4 of the days we've been here with her baby Charli and her boyfriend (might as well be husband) John.  Her four year old Charli is such a cutie, love her to death.  She came over Monday evening and basically shot the shit with us, then again on Tuesday, then again on Wednesday and we went to the water park nearby on Thursday which by the way was another awesome time.  No kids, just 4 adults running around a water park having a BLAST.  Loved it!  We swam, we got drunk, we had a good time wherever we were for the most part.  I had some pizza and Candlelight Chicken and mmm food....

On the flip side I have had a particularly shitty moment while here.  My mom is ill, I've known it now for a while but didn't realize really how ill until we moved.   My mom is pretty good at hiding things as I found out Tuesday night.  Without going into detail, let's just say it can be fatal and leave it at that.  Regardless, that's not the shitty part.  The shitty part was that my friend Cathy (who is a huge family friend if you haven't figured it out and sees my mom as if she was her own more than her own mom if you catch my drift), and John and me and Don were all out playing fooseball however you spell it in the garage where we could drink and be loud without bothering people who were going to be sleeping soon.  My friend Cathy went inside to get something...oh, the Skipbo cards so we could all play cards and somehow probably corrupt it into some sort of drinking game knowing her.  Anyway, suddenly she comes FLYING out into the garage to tell me that my mom is on the floor.  I was like woah wtf!  Her kid went flying (thankfully the menfolk caught her) when I moved her evidently to stand up (I don't remember but they say she was airborn for a second or two).  We rushed into the kitchen where my mother was indeed on the floor, face down passed out.  That's not like my mom at all.  Scary thing was, we couldn't find a pulse and she wasn't breathing.  I had to call 911, move her to her back and only right before the paramedics got there did she start breathing...mostly when we turned her over.  They wanted me to do CPR but she started breathing before I had to get that far.  Anyway, point being, she was in the hospital much of that night, and it shot our original plans to go to the Water Park right outta the water and for good reason.  I'm trained as a medical professional but let me tell you I was still scared shitless, especially when I heard the words "She's not breathing and there's no pulse!"  So yeah, I must say that was a shitty thing to happen, but I'm glad I was here when it happened I must say.  I can't imagine being in AZ and her here and the complete helpless feeling I would've had.  Yes I felt helpless but at least I was THERE you know? 

Anyway, so good times, obviously one bad time.  But onward to my life changing decisions.

D and I have been dating for just over 2 years.  I've stood by him through thick and thin.  I've handled his PTSD, his ranting, and so forth.  He handles my craziness at times, my panic I have now and again and loves me regardless of my size.  We announced to my family this past week our desire to get married.  Well, he officially asked my mom permission (since my dad is no longer with us), and my aunt (who he knows is important to me) and then I got trounced on to set a date or something.  No ring yet, but that takes money and considered we're both unemployed our first step is to get employed and a place and then start with all the wedding stuff. 

Which brings me to my second life changing decision.  I have been trying to lose weight, and D wants to lose weight as well.  I told him I didn't want to be a fat woman in a wedding dress, and basically broke down and just bawled (it was Wednesday mind you I was already a bit emotional) when we were talking about what sort of wedding we want (OUTSIDE!! lol) and such.  So since he's wanting to lose and I really not only want to but need to for health reasons we decided to not only go into it together but to do it the only way he knows how...military style.  And I agreed.

Wait wait, before you go OMG DONT DO IT YOURE GOING TO REGRET IT !!!! 111 !!!....

He's got health issues as well as I do.  His knee doesn't allow him huge amounts of exercise, so we have to start slow and build up.  But he's going to get me going every morning except weekends, we're going to do our eating together and so forth.  But he's not going to take no for an answer and this is something I think I will not only benefit from but need as well.

Until next time :) 

Thursday, July 15, 2010


A quick note before I jet for 10 days.  We're leaving to go to Illinois, I'm going to visit family, enjoy some friends from back east before I moved west, and go to a family wedding.  My newest low is 265.  I'm hoping to cut that down even farther by the time I come back. 

It's been a crazy week.  I've cleaned, I've put up a pool, I've swam in said pool today and got sunburned for it (stupid sun!), I've gone through part of a garage putting things away, getting rid of papers we don't need, and so on.  I've been so busy!  If you had told me when I lived in Los Alamos I'd be this active I would've laughed at you and said get real!  Scary thing is, when my mom gets back from IL (she comes back the day after we do), I'll be even MORE active.  I'm trying to get my mom to stay outta bed all damn day and go out and do.  She's got some depression going on, losing my dad, losing her father 2 years later, being away from family, not having me around (until now), losing her job, it's taken its toll.  So now that I'm out here I plan on being active, doing things outside even in the dead of heat.  I've found 20 minutes outside doing something even in the heat is ok, so long as I do it in moderation, or take a dunk in the pool after :)

Anyway, so as the title says, this blog shall be quiet until I get back.  So until I get back, have a good one :)

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Another official weigh in come and gone...

You know, when you're unemployed, all your days run together.  It's like being on summer vacation as a kid.  You wake up in the morning and have no real idea what day it is.  You get up at whatever time you want, and go to bed at whatever time you want and do whatever you want for the most part in between.  My days typically lately have involved getting up at around 8 or 9am, eating breakfast as soon as my feet hit the floor, then putzing around outside until about 10 when it gets just way too hot to be doing any work out there.  I've been trying to get my mom's back yard to be a paradise instead of just a back yard.  And by doing all this work in the back yard, I've lost weight.  We'd hired a guy to get rid of all the weeds and stuff in the front yard and mow the law and what not, trim the bushes, you get the idea, back in like the middle/end of June.  He was supposed to come back in 2 weeks to mow the lawn again etc.  Well needless to say, he never showed up, my cousin called me for my number to give to him because he said he lost it, but he still hasn't called.  So I took it upon myself to mow the little lawn (it's pathetically small really, took about 30 minutes tops), trim the edge, rake a little bit of weeds out of the way, and of course we're putting that pool up.  No, it's still not up, it's just been so damn hot out there.  We're at the leveling the ground part now though.  Holes are all filled, we're just trying to get the ground to where it'll be level, which requires bags of sand, which I can't really lift myself, and even if I could get the sand into a wheel barrel, and shovel it out of there my leveling skills leave something to be desired.  And while I may be willing to go out there in the dead heat of 110 degrees and work until a bag of sand is laid, take a break in the AC for 20 or 30 minutes rinse and repeat, D is not.  So since I can't do it myself (unlike like the rocks, and the filling of the holes, and so on and so forth that I have done completely on my own), and I have to rely on him helping I'm at a stand still.  Needless to say it's frustrated the fuck out of me.  I was hoping to get the pool up, filled, treated and swim in it for like a week before the kids got home.  I'll be lucky if it's up filled and treated before we leave at this rate  /sigh. 

Anyway, the point of my rambling is that I have been basically forgetting to weigh in.  When I first started all this up again the beginning of June I was like...weighing myself daily.  Then when I started that fail job that I quit 2 weeks later, I didn't weigh myself at all, and while I maintained I didn't lose.  So I've been kind of seeing a pattern.  When I weigh in every day I get frustrated and don't understand why if I'm working out and eating right my weight will go up one day and down the next and up the next and down the next after that!  But when I don't weigh in at all I end up gaining little by little because I don't feel like I have the scale to have to report to, so I never see the result of my good or bad eating habits.  If I weigh in weekly I seem to do better but then I obsess over "Has it been a week yet?!" because I want to see where I'm at.

So I've come to a conclusion.  I will weigh when I feel like it.  I had my official weigh ins on Fridays because that was when I started in June.  But today is Saturday and yesterday I didn't weigh in and today I did.  So today's my official day....for this week :P  And today's weight is 266.2  Couldn't be happier.  :) 

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have some lights to hang around the back yard and some sand to see if I can struggle to put down in the pool area.  My only concern is what am I going to do for exercise once this is all finished?  lol.

Until next time.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Hey Hey!

You know, it's amazing.  I manage to make it through the Fourth without any major eating problems.  In fact, I didn't even realize it WAS the fourth until my boyfriend's dad called for something else and was like, oh by the way happy 4th!  I was like, oh, right, you too!  lol.  Know what I had for dinner on the 4th?  Cottage Cheese (1/2 cup), steamed broccoli, and half a burger (lettuce, tomato, and cheese!).  yep, that's it.  Half.  Why half?  I forced myself to eat the good for me stuff first, and thus....I wasn't hungry for more than half. Rather than force myself to eat it.  I threw it away.  Yes, that's right, me!  Throwing away food!  What's gotten into me?! 

I was always taught you clean your plate.  Not saying my parents weren't the best parents ever (they really were, and my mom still is!), or that it's all their fault that I'm fat cuz let's face it, no one's forced me to gain even more weight as an adult...

But those teachings stick with you.  I go to a restraunt, I feel like I have to eat all my food or someone will think I'm ungrateful.  Or that their food sucked.  Or whatever.  I see there's leftovers from dinner and I feel like I need to eat them or they'll go to waste in the fridge.  I go to an all you can eat buffet and I feel like if I don't eat a second plate full of food, I'm not getting my money's worth.  These are all excuses I've made up over the years to convince myself the continued over eating was no big deal.

I've met a woman, she's about my mom's age, at the job I had for a whole 2 weeks (long story as to why I said had not have)...she's Hungarian.  Funniest woman I've ever met.  Anyway, she's bigger, like I am.  We were talking one day about the cultural differences between Hungarian/European women and Americans.  I told her I was raised to clean my plate, she told me they were raised to leave a bite of each food type to remember those who go without.  Wow.  What a concept.  Leaving food?  It got me thinking....why can't I leave food behind?  What makes me thing I HAVE to eat everything put in front of me?  regardless if I like it or not?

So I've started it.  I left a bite of broccoli.  A bite of cottage cheese and of course, half of my burger.  It's been one month now.  Almost to the day.  I didn't realize it until today that it had been a month, so I hopped on the scale this morning just to see where I was, how much I accomplished in one month.  This month I lost 9.8 pounds.  This morning I weighed in at 267.2 pounds.  That's an average of just over 2 pounds a week.  Considering they say 1 to 2 pounds a week is what to shoot for, I'm not complaining.  Considering I worked out a lot in the beginning of the month and then didn't really do a whole lot of "official" working out until this pool thing, I'm not complaining.  I'm glad I lost the weight.  It puts me down to within 7 pounds of where I was before I stopped last year.  That means in another month I could be back down to the almost 250 mark where I was last year when I stopped because I couldn't seem to get over that hurdle.

You know what the change is for me?  My mom.  My mom is losing weight.  My mom is trying hard to be more active, and I am living near her now.  My mom is not extremely over weight, in fact I'd say she could probably lose about 20-30 pounds and be good.  But my mom wants to do things with me that I honestly can't do right now. 

I can't ride a horse.
I can't go for a long hike somewhere.
I can't go for walks as fast as she can.
I can't fit into her clothes like I could as a kid.
I can't go shopping somewhere unless it has a "big" section.

I'm tired of I can'ts.  I want some I cans.  I want to be able to ride a horse, go shopping with mom in some thrift store that's never heard of anything bigger than a large.  I want to be able to go walking with her and my aunt and not feel like I'm bogging the whole walk down because I have to waddle to keep up.  I want to be able to go for a long hike around some mountains.  I want to be normal.  I never have been, not for as long as I can remember, and the only way I can do all that stuff is to lose weight.  So I have made my commitment.  Now that I can talk the talk, it's time to continue to walk the walk.  Wish me luck.

Until next time.

Monday, July 5, 2010


No, not with weight loss, but the rocks!  IF I HAVE TO MOVE ROCKS AGAIN IT'LL BE ALL TOO SOON!  lol.  I'm officially in the 260's.  I've maintained under 270 for 3 days straight and still losing because of all the rock moving.  I'm at 269.2 this morning.  I was at 269.8 for a couple days and then today it dropped again.

So I'm sore, tired, and it's only 9:30 and I'm ready for bed.  rofl.

Until next time!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Is it possible?

Man.  I'm sore.  Not just sore, I'm SORE.  We're about halfway done with the gravel.  Sure, I cleared a lot yesterday, but today was really finishing the area I'd partially cleared the night before to move away gravel that I couldn't pick up with a shovel alone.

I saw a peek at the scale this morning, only barely cuz I had a hard time looking over my flab to see the scale cuz of how sore I was and it said 269.   horray!  Now to not have it go back up dammit would be nice lol.

So lots of more work out there done today.  We pulled apart the trampoline that's blocking the other half of the area we have to clear in order to be able to clear that area of gravel.  Got the pool and got it to our place, it's in the garage.  But it got extremly hot really quickly today.  Yes, I realize, summer, Phoenix area, hot!  But it was too hot to work out there, at least for me, by like 8:30am.  lol.  I'm a pansy ass.  Oh well, D's going to finish up the gravel tomorrow, or so he says :P  He wants me to do nothing but provide moral support.  I'm sure he can see how badly I'm hobbling around, I spent more time in bed today watching tv than I think I have in almost 6 months.  Last time I watched this much tv I was laid up with a sciatic nerve episode.  >.>

So I'm off to bed.  Sleep's been sporadic.  Yesterday after I worked on the yard for a while I thought I'd go to bed because I was really tired, but as soon as I laid down I couldn't really sleep, was too tired, or too sore or too something and couldn't sleep.  I didn't fall asleep until about 2am and got back up at 4.  Oh joy.  I took a short nap this morning but that's about it, so I'm going to go to bed now.  :)

Until next time! 

Friday, July 2, 2010

Does this count?

Does clearing gravel (think old school yard type gravel) from a 25 by 25 foot area in 90+ degree heat count as heavy exercise?  rofl.  This pool better be worth it.  >.<

I've been clearing gravel all day, I got up at 7am, worked on it for about 3 hours, did some running around, went back out about 6pm and started back up again and it's now 8pm and I'm taking a much needed break.  Summer reminds you of just how shitty being fat really is let me tell you.  Hopefully this pool will help me change that.  Mom's been wanting one for a while so we offered to get it set up before she gets home.  I plan on using it to lose weight, the kids, of course, to play in and mom to lounge in.  To each their own right?  :)

But I just wonder, is it heavy exercise, moderate?  lol.  I want to be accurate in my fit day you see...

Until next time, provided I don't fall over from exaustion....

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Hiiiiii there!

Been a while eh?  Been busy.  New job kicking my ass and it's not even one I want to be at.  Weight loss?  Not happening, BUT I AM MAINTAINING!  Don't see how, I barely eat all freaking day, I get home and I control my eating, but at least I'm not gaining, so I guess I'll take it.  I'm between 270 and 271 pretty much steadily, usually more on the 270 side. 

Yes, I'm eating enough calories, or at least I think I am.  I eat some sort of oatmeal or bran cereal in the morning before work.  I drive an hour to an hour and a half to work (for an 11 dollar an hour job ... /sigh), and then I get to work about 9am.  I don't eat anything at work until lunch time, no munching nothing.  I eat usually some sort of good for me food.  I take leftovers from the night before such as spaghetti, left over home made teriyaki chicken with lots of veggies, lately it's been so hot here (pushing 115) I've been taking cottage cheese, yogurt, cheese stick for a snack if I do get famished, or once in a while half a sandwich if even that.  I drink lots of water (talking all day dries you out), and when I get home I eat some sort of dinner made from scratch at home at least 4 out of 5 work days a week.  Weekends I'm right on par with what my eating should be.

I dunno what I'm doing wrong.  About the only thing I'm NOT doing is exercising.  I'm just too tired.  I leave the house about 7:30 and I get home anytime between 6:30 and 7pm.  After I get home it's make dinner, bath time and then I'm just pooped.  I usually fall asleep about 9pm and get back up to do it all again.

Any ideas?  I'm fresh plum out of 'em....

Saturday, June 19, 2010

The mocks me.

Title says it all today folks.  What am I doing up at 4am?  Well, I didn't sleep overnight the night before.  I was up from 6am on 6/17 until 5pm 6/18.  Dunno why, wasn't tired.  So of course at 1pm I start getting tired, I lay down and I'm almost asleep and what happens?  The phone rings, and poof I'm up another 4 hours ugh.  My mind finally gave up the "I don't wanna go to bed!" fight about 5pm and I slept until 4 this morning which is no biggie.

I ate all my calories yesterday.  I refrained from snacking overnight,  and I came in at around 1650 before going to bed at 5pm which I knew I wasn't going to be up until late in the evening so I worked hard to get in all my calories before bed so that I wouldn't have a day of like 1k calories or something equally stupid. 

So I get up this morning, do my thing, hop on the scale and....


Yes, that's weight loss, .6 pounds for this week which means I've lost exactly 7 pounds since I started.  That's not the part that mocks me.  I'm happy I'm down and not up, not as happy that it's not more than .6 but I think my body is just evening out from the massive 6.4 pounds I lost last week, so it's kind of like losing 3.5 pounds both weeks. 

No what the mocking part is the fact that it couldn't be 269.9.  No that'd be too easy!  lol.

I start a new job Monday.  It's only seasonal, it pays crap and there's a bit of a commute and I don't really have much control over my hours it sounds like but it keeps me from having to use more of my savings and I can build some of it back up before the job ends but such is life.  So I'm going to have to figure out some good lunches and a good exercise schedule.  I always do really well losing weight when I have plenty of time to do my thing and then seem to falter when I go back to work.  Here's to hoping that doesn't happen again.

So I'm off to eat my breakfast and do a little working out and then it's off to get a new pair or two of pants and a couple of pairs of nice shoes I can wear to work before Monday.  My goal for this coming week is 269.9 dammit!  lol

Until next time.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Does not compute!

Ok so out of curiosity I stepped on the scale today.  Hadn't been on it since Sunday when I weighed in at 270.6.  I've been totally on for my eating, and have really tried to incorporate more veggies and fruits in to my diet! Since Sunday have worked out on the treadmill 3 times.  First time was 45 minutes of walking, second time was 30 minutes of walking and 3 minutes of jogging.  Last night I pushed myself pretty hard and had 30 minutes of walking and 10 minutes of jogging, 5 minutes was jogging straight, then I got really tired but I wanted to keep jogging so I would do 1 minute of jogging followed by 2 minutes of walking at a slight slower pace and rinse and repeat.  I was sweating pretty good after that workout.  Was tough but I'm not going to lose weight by just fucking around on the treadmill not really working out right? 

Anyway, so the point of this post...

How does upping my working out frequency AND intensity equal losing piddly on the scale?!  >.> 

Only down .2.  That's right POINT TWO


Oh well, onto the treadmill again today after I get home from the store.

Until next time.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Some observations

Have you ever noticed how HARD starting a "diet" or "lifestyle" change is?  Our minds rebel! 

But that looks so good...
But one nibble can't hurt...
I can always do better tomorrow...

Our stomach growls at the mention of a cookie, a piece of cake, that favorite fast food or restraunt item...It says "HEY FEED ME YOU NUB!!" constantly when we eat "normal portions".

But have you noticed that after a week or two, our bodies stop rebelling?  It adjusts to the new "normal size" amount of food we're going to put in our stomachs?  It's ok with us working out (though sometimes it still rebels when you find new muscles you didn't know you had". 

I've been doing this seriously, as in this is it Amber you're done being fat for one week, 3 days, and some 14 hours give or take.  Not much you say, right?  To me, that's a huge amount of time.  I'm one of those do it for a day and something goes wrong so I quit for 4 months kinda person when it comes to weight loss.  Getting back on the "bandwagon" is difficult for me.  This is evident in my stopping last year.  Granted, I did well for the few months I did it, lost like 20 pounds, but got upset and frustrated when I hit that first plateau I guess you can call it.  Wasn't really, I was still losing but I wasn't losing very fast and I think I just said fuck it to be frank.  So what makes this attempt different from that attempt?  My cooking.

If you'd told me two years ago I'd be losing weight by eating less and whatever I wanted, I'd have laughed at you and said you're on crack.  I don't tell myself "NO YOU CANT HAVE THAT ITS FORBIDDEN FOOOOOOD!"  But rather I indulge, and enjoy and savor the food and then move on.  Let me give you an example.  D sent me out to get him some lunch.  Well sent me out is a strong way of saying he was hungry and I was going out anyway so I picked him up some lunch from KFC at his request.  KFC, ironically is my FAVORITE fast food.  I grew up on that shit.  I'd eat that chicken every damn day if you let me and it was good for me.  Anyway.  So I was hungry by the time I got done running around getting stuff and pulled into the KFC.  I wanted KFC.  I CRAVED KFC!  So what did I have?  KFC! 

Now wait wait, before you blow your gasket and tell me how bad that food is and how I completely blew my diet, let me finish :)

I got the meal for the boyfriend and one extra strip added to his meal and his sides I got the one he wanted and a side of mashed potatoes (no gravy!) for me.  That's right, you heard me I had one chicken piece and one individual side of mashed.  My craving was satisfied for a mere 250 calories and about 8g of fat and I added some fruit when I got home and some steamed broccoli to make it a full lunch.  I can enjoy what I want within reason!  I am able and do make choices in my life that positively or negatively affect me.  Showing restraint in this sort of situation has built my confidence; however, not getting anything at all from KFC would have bogged my mind down as it complained about how badly it wanted to nibble some KFC!  I also made sure the boyfriend knew not to leave left overs, or to throw them away and not save them for later if he was going to have left overs.  No need for temptation right? 

I digress though.  I was going to talk about my cooking.  I am currently, as I type this post, munching on my dinner.  What's for dinner you ask?  Chicken Fried Rice.  Home made, and not really fried honestly.  I about 3/4 a pound (two chicken breasts) of chicken cut up pretty small and sauteed mushrooms and minced garlic with it in 1 tbsp of olive oil then added 2/3 (one full serving according to the bag) of frozen peas and 3 oz (1 serving according to the bag) of pre-shredded carrots and about 1/4 cup of green onions cut up to the mix and sauteed that all together for a little bit, then when the rice got done mixed it all in, added a smidge of soy sauce (I really need to get the lower sodium kind though, I will next bottle I buy) and walla!  Chinese food!  I then weighed (ON MY NEW SCALE /NOD NOD) how much the entire batch weighed and then weighed (AGAIN!) about 1/4 of that and that's my dinner.  My own customized chinese food without the frying it and it isn't half bad!  Though...I think it needs a little more seasoning next time, maybe I'll add a little more garlic, something to mess with I suppose :)

THAT my friends is why this go around is different.  Last time I spent a lot of time searching the grocery store for those perfect easy to make no fuss meals that were "good for me".  Ha!  They really don't exist.  They're chauk full of salt my friends!  I'm not like "OMG SALT NOT IN MY DIET" but I don't want an overabundance.  So I make my own food.  And yes, soy sauce does have salt, but I try to limit it, best I can :) 

Have you ever noticed when you're being "good" on your diet you stick to the outer edges of the grocery store or within the frozen veggies section/bread aisle for "your food"? 

I noticed it last night.  Granted I walked down every damn aisle looking for an ingredient that still eludes me, but that's a story for another post.  I went to Walmart last night in search of food for some recepies I saw online and also for my rice.  First place I stopped, the fresh food section.  Got the shredded carrots, the green onion, some fruit, some bananas (my new best friend!) and moved on to the frozen foods section where I picked up my peas and some premixed bags of stir fry veggies that are frozen that I can use when busy or don't feel like cooking but want to throw together some stir fry.  They come with prepackaged sauce but I doubt I'll use it.  Anyway...then I hit the meat section and got a TON of chicken on sale (I got 12 pounds of chicken for ~18 bucks) which I split into two breasts per ziplock bag and put them all in the freezer except the one pack I used today.  And then got a little red meat because I want to make some beef and broccoli and such in the next week or so, and then I perused down the outer aisle as I picked up cheese, yogurt, eggs, milk and some 100% orange juice.  The only "inner aisle" I hit was the soda aisle for my fix (I drink 2 per day now wut!) and the cereal aisle for some prepackaged instant oatmeal.  The rest of the "inner aisle" shopping I did was for the boyfriend and his snack needs.  As much as I'd love for him to lose weight with me, it's not his priority and me harping on him will do no good.  So until he's ready, I can only support him not gaining as much weight as trying to cook as good of meals as possible.  :) 

So that's what I'm doing.  Cooking at home more, making better for me with much more veggies in it meals, and trying to have some sort of portion control going on.  It's kind of stressful, in a way.  Especially if you have a home made recipe such as spaghetti and you're trying to figure out just how many calories DOES this little amount I have on my plate have in it?  But I found that if I figure out all the calories individually as best I can and then add it all together, figure out how much the whole shabang weighs and figure out how many servings I think it should be and split it up that way I come out at least a little better off.  And it gets easier over time.

I'm not really hungry or constantly thinking of food like I was the first few days.  I don't care what anyone says, going from eating like 2500 to 3k worth of calories down to 1600 to 1800 calories makes your stomach go WTF!  I'm exercising more.  I'm actually having difficulty eating my full 1600 calories (GASP).  But you know what, I'm satisfied after meals, I'm sleeping better when my knee and elbow isn't bothering me and overall I am getting into better shape and losing weight.

Here's to continued success!

Until next time.

Monday, June 14, 2010

I did it! *cue eye of the tiger music*

Ok, so I'm so excited I had to post it, it probably sounds pathetic but I'm really psyched! 


That's right, my fat ass bounced on the treadmill at a measly 2.5 speed jogging for 3 full minutes!


This is also the second time I've been on the treadmill this week.  Now tomorrow Imma do it again, you watch and see, this weight is going down!

Until next time!

And so it comes to this...

Ok, first of all.  I don't know how many people actually read my blog, if you do, great if not, that's fine.  This is my weight loss journey, and I babble on here about anything and everything.

I didn't have it set to where I needed to moderate comments being left until I had several comments left by Kanji written names that were redirecting people to porn websites.  So I started moderating it because I do not condone comments left like that.  If you want to go to porn that's fine, but I am not going to allow such posts, kids may read these posts, including cousins of my own and that is not ok to me.

Now I'm getting spam commented to go to weight loss sights offering me the secrets to weight loss through Acai Berries and other crap.

Let me say this here and now:


I get excited when I get a comment.  Almost no one ever does comment, and that's fine.  I know some people prefer to read not post.  I'm also one of those.  But if you're going to leave a comment don't waste my time by offering me the secrets to fast weight loss or some porn shop.  I know the secrets to weight loss, I've just been too lazy all my damn life to do it!  And if I want porn I'm sure my boyfriend's computer has some layin' around and if I asked we could watch it together though I prefer the real thing.  >.>

So, that being said, if you read this to enjoy it, I thank you.  Carry on with your day :)

Oh and one little tidbit of information I found exciting today.  I inched every closer to that 270 mark.  I'm down to 270.2 today XD  SO CLOSE!  :)

Until next time.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

A little late in the posting, but an excellent weight loss week none the less.

I got busy yesterday.  I generally seem to when I need to relax the most, but that's life for you.  Between grocery shopping, changing my airline tickets, doing some online job hunting, and getting the house picked up it was a bit busy.  So I forgot, until well after noon to get on the scale.  I don't weigh myself unless it's first thing in the morning and I haven't eaten or drank anything and I've done my business.  Just the way I've always done it.  And there are days when it keeps me from getting on the scale, if I'm too much in a hurry or something I won't.  But anyway.  I hopped on it this morning and I'm at (officially) 270.6.  That's damn near 7 pounds this week.  Huzzah! 

I posted last time that my back had really been giving me some grief, but I think it's finally simmered down.  Dunno what I did to it but it's decided to be a good back now lol.  I can actually sit in this chair without feeling like I'm doing the ouchie dance back and forth trying to find a good position to sit in.  So that means it's time to get moving again!  So, I'm off to go exercise, toodaloo!  :)

Until next time!

Friday, June 11, 2010


So I hadn't really hopped on a scale much in the past couple of days, since my last posting of what I weighed really.  Life has been a little hectic, I've been keeping the house clean, driving all over the Eastern Phoenix Metro area looking for work, going to interviews, so on and so forth, and really watching what I eat.  I've worked out 2 times this week (today will be the third) by walking on the treadmill, and I did a couple of stretching/weight lift days with 3 pound weights because my back has been really stiff.  It's not too bad when walking around after my initial get out of bed, but man if I sit down for any extended period of time my back is like WTF ARE YOU DOING?!  >.<  So annoying. 

Most of my interviews have involved being out and about most of the day, mostly because it's like a 20 minute drive there, a 30 to 40 minute interview and then I usually find a couple of places nearby before I go that I can go put an application in.  So I'm generally gone from 10am to about 3pm each day, over lunch joy right?  I try to combat the whole not able to eat lunch at lunch time problem by taking some snacks with me.  A large banana, a stick of string cheese, maybe a little thing of yogurt, even some low fat crackers once.  About 300 to 400 calories worth of snacks that are good for me and provide me with protein, fruit portions for the day nothing that will throw me off my weight loss.  Yesterday I ran out of these good for me snacks and had an interview that took me over lunch and omg I was starving when I got home.  Instead of having like 400 calories worth of food to munch on throughout the time period I had only a banana which I promptly scarfed at noon after my interview.  So by the time I got home it was 3pm and my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was going to throw up.  And I knew that the only stuff I had at home to eat was stuff that would take 20 or 30 minutes to cook so I stopped and got a Teriyaki Bowl from Jack in the Box.  A bit heavy on the carbs side but calories and fat wise acceptable.  So my new note to self is don't run out of the snack stuff!  lol.

I digress.  I saw a number today that I haven't seen in a good year or so.  270.  Woah, say what?  270 you say?  And this wasn't on my scale folks, this was on my mom's scale which told me I was at 277 when I started earlier this week.  Huzzah!  Yes, 7 pound loss seems a little extreme but honestly I can see it happening.  Some of it is water weight I'm sure.  The week prior to starting over my food intake was pretty much just fast food.  From moving there's no time or real ability to cook food.  You're so tired from packing boxes and loading the truck that someone says cooking and you say fuck you man!  Then when you're on the road you don't exactly have the ability to pull over and cook a good for you meal, nor really pick and choose where you eat as you drive through a town.  You find a place and you eat there.  That's all there is to it.  Then when I got here it was pretty much the same, we're unloading boxes and unloading the truck and getting things we need before my mom leaves and so on.  So I can imagine that my salt intake for the week prior was through the roof causing me weight gain because of water retention. 

Fast forward to this past week.  I've worked out, I've stayed within 1600 to 1800 calories on all days but one, and I've drank a TON of water, more than I have in quite a long time.  Still drinking soda but I only drink one or two cans per day and the rest of my fluid intake, especially while on the road has been water.  This is anywhere from 2 to 4 bottles a day average.  So I'm flushing all that salt out of my system, plus I'm working out and eating better.  I gave myself a range of calories for a reason.  I know some people are like 1700 and that's it!  Well, I like a range better.  Looking at my fit day, which is where I put all my information food wise in, every day except Saturday I have eaten anywhere from 1600 to 1700 naturally, generally right around 1650.  That extra 1 to 200 calories I use as my "snack calories".  You know, that time of night at like 8pm when you're roaming the cupboards looking for something because you have the munchies?  I generally don't give in, but I have that choice without feeling depressed that I decided to have a cup of popcorn or a frozen treat.  It's hot here.  It's 110 during the day and like upper 80's lower 90's at night.  Being overweight in such heat sucks balls but until I get my weight down, all I can do is suffer through it and who doesn't like a nice frozen treat?  I found my favorite frozen treat, even better than Weight Watchers ice cream: Frozen fruit bars.  100% fruit in a frozen treat form.  LOVE IT.  It's ice cold, and very few calories, 80 in the strawberry ones.  And fat free to boot.  Much better choice than Dairy Queen Ice Cream.  That's what my life is about right now, moving more and making better choices.  I'm not going to deny myself something in my life just because I'm supposed to be losing weight.  I'm not going to say "sorry chubby you're losing weight, no frozen treat for you!", I'm going to have a frozen treat, just choose one that's better for me than some 500 calorie blizzard. 

So I must say, this week was a winner in the weight loss.  Tomorrow is the official weigh in.  Maybe I'll see a 269 instead of 270 eh?  :)  So...

Until next time!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Just a quickie.  I don't have much time, I'm running out the door to go to an interview in a few minutes.  I just wanted to post that I am still doing well and for the most part on target with my eating.  I've found that having just one brat doesn't work for me.  I managed to somehow say I'm only going to eat one....and have two.  Ugh, I went way over calories too, by about 300.  But such is life, and I didn't let it detour me the following day.  I did manage to find something on the menu of Jack in the Box that I found to be "acceptable" in fast food eating, their Teriyaki bowl isn't *too* bad, just full of salt.  But compared to a burger and fries or something along those lines I'll take it.  I'd planned on making food at home but realized after my interview yesterday that when I got home at 5pm I hadn't taken the hamburger or any chicken or really anything frozen out of the freezer.  Sigh!  So we went out to eat and I chose the lesser of the evils.  One step at a time...

I keep forgetting to get on the scale before I eat, so my weight is probably off but I came in at 273.4 this morning.  That was after breakfast (oatmeal and a banana!) and a full bottle of water so who knows.  I'll endeavor to get on the scale BEFORE I eat tomorrow to hopefully have a real weight.  >.<  Or maybe I'll wait until Monday.  I use Mondays as my traditional weigh in days because I'm less likely to go overboard on the weekends eating if I know that I have to weigh in on Monday mornings. 

Anyway I'm off, until next time!