Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Hiiiiii there!

Been a while eh?  Been busy.  New job kicking my ass and it's not even one I want to be at.  Weight loss?  Not happening, BUT I AM MAINTAINING!  Don't see how, I barely eat all freaking day, I get home and I control my eating, but at least I'm not gaining, so I guess I'll take it.  I'm between 270 and 271 pretty much steadily, usually more on the 270 side. 

Yes, I'm eating enough calories, or at least I think I am.  I eat some sort of oatmeal or bran cereal in the morning before work.  I drive an hour to an hour and a half to work (for an 11 dollar an hour job ... /sigh), and then I get to work about 9am.  I don't eat anything at work until lunch time, no munching nothing.  I eat usually some sort of good for me food.  I take leftovers from the night before such as spaghetti, left over home made teriyaki chicken with lots of veggies, lately it's been so hot here (pushing 115) I've been taking cottage cheese, yogurt, cheese stick for a snack if I do get famished, or once in a while half a sandwich if even that.  I drink lots of water (talking all day dries you out), and when I get home I eat some sort of dinner made from scratch at home at least 4 out of 5 work days a week.  Weekends I'm right on par with what my eating should be.

I dunno what I'm doing wrong.  About the only thing I'm NOT doing is exercising.  I'm just too tired.  I leave the house about 7:30 and I get home anytime between 6:30 and 7pm.  After I get home it's make dinner, bath time and then I'm just pooped.  I usually fall asleep about 9pm and get back up to do it all again.

Any ideas?  I'm fresh plum out of 'em....

Saturday, June 19, 2010

The scale....it mocks me.

Title says it all today folks.  What am I doing up at 4am?  Well, I didn't sleep overnight the night before.  I was up from 6am on 6/17 until 5pm 6/18.  Dunno why, wasn't tired.  So of course at 1pm I start getting tired, I lay down and I'm almost asleep and what happens?  The phone rings, and poof I'm up another 4 hours ugh.  My mind finally gave up the "I don't wanna go to bed!" fight about 5pm and I slept until 4 this morning which is no biggie.

I ate all my calories yesterday.  I refrained from snacking overnight,  and I came in at around 1650 before going to bed at 5pm which I knew I wasn't going to be up until late in the evening so I worked hard to get in all my calories before bed so that I wouldn't have a day of like 1k calories or something equally stupid. 

So I get up this morning, do my thing, hop on the scale and....


Yes, that's weight loss, .6 pounds for this week which means I've lost exactly 7 pounds since I started.  That's not the part that mocks me.  I'm happy I'm down and not up, not as happy that it's not more than .6 but I think my body is just evening out from the massive 6.4 pounds I lost last week, so it's kind of like losing 3.5 pounds both weeks. 

No what the mocking part is the fact that it couldn't be 269.9.  No that'd be too easy!  lol.

I start a new job Monday.  It's only seasonal, it pays crap and there's a bit of a commute and I don't really have much control over my hours it sounds like but it keeps me from having to use more of my savings and I can build some of it back up before the job ends but such is life.  So I'm going to have to figure out some good lunches and a good exercise schedule.  I always do really well losing weight when I have plenty of time to do my thing and then seem to falter when I go back to work.  Here's to hoping that doesn't happen again.

So I'm off to eat my breakfast and do a little working out and then it's off to get a new pair or two of pants and a couple of pairs of nice shoes I can wear to work before Monday.  My goal for this coming week is 269.9 dammit!  lol

Until next time.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Does not compute!

Ok so out of curiosity I stepped on the scale today.  Hadn't been on it since Sunday when I weighed in at 270.6.  I've been totally on for my eating, and have really tried to incorporate more veggies and fruits in to my diet! Since Sunday have worked out on the treadmill 3 times.  First time was 45 minutes of walking, second time was 30 minutes of walking and 3 minutes of jogging.  Last night I pushed myself pretty hard and had 30 minutes of walking and 10 minutes of jogging, 5 minutes was jogging straight, then I got really tired but I wanted to keep jogging so I would do 1 minute of jogging followed by 2 minutes of walking at a slight slower pace and rinse and repeat.  I was sweating pretty good after that workout.  Was tough but I'm not going to lose weight by just fucking around on the treadmill not really working out right? 

Anyway, so the point of this post...

How does upping my working out frequency AND intensity equal losing piddly on the scale?!  >.> 

Only down .2.  That's right POINT TWO


Oh well, onto the treadmill again today after I get home from the store.

Until next time.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Some observations

Have you ever noticed how HARD starting a "diet" or "lifestyle" change is?  Our minds rebel! 

But that looks so good...
But one nibble can't hurt...
I can always do better tomorrow...

Our stomach growls at the mention of a cookie, a piece of cake, that favorite fast food or restraunt item...It says "HEY FEED ME YOU NUB!!" constantly when we eat "normal portions".

But have you noticed that after a week or two, our bodies stop rebelling?  It adjusts to the new "normal size" amount of food we're going to put in our stomachs?  It's ok with us working out (though sometimes it still rebels when you find new muscles you didn't know you had". 

I've been doing this seriously, as in this is it Amber you're done being fat for one week, 3 days, and some 14 hours give or take.  Not much you say, right?  To me, that's a huge amount of time.  I'm one of those do it for a day and something goes wrong so I quit for 4 months kinda person when it comes to weight loss.  Getting back on the "bandwagon" is difficult for me.  This is evident in my stopping last year.  Granted, I did well for the few months I did it, lost like 20 pounds, but got upset and frustrated when I hit that first plateau I guess you can call it.  Wasn't really, I was still losing but I wasn't losing very fast and I think I just said fuck it to be frank.  So what makes this attempt different from that attempt?  My cooking.

If you'd told me two years ago I'd be losing weight by eating less and whatever I wanted, I'd have laughed at you and said you're on crack.  I don't tell myself "NO YOU CANT HAVE THAT ITS FORBIDDEN FOOOOOOD!"  But rather I indulge, and enjoy and savor the food and then move on.  Let me give you an example.  D sent me out to get him some lunch.  Well sent me out is a strong way of saying he was hungry and I was going out anyway so I picked him up some lunch from KFC at his request.  KFC, ironically is my FAVORITE fast food.  I grew up on that shit.  I'd eat that chicken every damn day if you let me and it was good for me.  Anyway.  So I was hungry by the time I got done running around getting stuff and pulled into the KFC.  I wanted KFC.  I CRAVED KFC!  So what did I have?  KFC! 

Now wait wait, before you blow your gasket and tell me how bad that food is and how I completely blew my diet, let me finish :)

I got the meal for the boyfriend and one extra strip added to his meal and his sides I got the one he wanted and a side of mashed potatoes (no gravy!) for me.  That's right, you heard me I had one chicken piece and one individual side of mashed.  My craving was satisfied for a mere 250 calories and about 8g of fat and I added some fruit when I got home and some steamed broccoli to make it a full lunch.  I can enjoy what I want within reason!  I am able and do make choices in my life that positively or negatively affect me.  Showing restraint in this sort of situation has built my confidence; however, not getting anything at all from KFC would have bogged my mind down as it complained about how badly it wanted to nibble some KFC!  I also made sure the boyfriend knew not to leave left overs, or to throw them away and not save them for later if he was going to have left overs.  No need for temptation right? 

I digress though.  I was going to talk about my cooking.  I am currently, as I type this post, munching on my dinner.  What's for dinner you ask?  Chicken Fried Rice.  Home made, and not really fried honestly.  I about 3/4 a pound (two chicken breasts) of chicken cut up pretty small and sauteed mushrooms and minced garlic with it in 1 tbsp of olive oil then added 2/3 (one full serving according to the bag) of frozen peas and 3 oz (1 serving according to the bag) of pre-shredded carrots and about 1/4 cup of green onions cut up to the mix and sauteed that all together for a little bit, then when the rice got done mixed it all in, added a smidge of soy sauce (I really need to get the lower sodium kind though, I will next bottle I buy) and walla!  Chinese food!  I then weighed (ON MY NEW SCALE /NOD NOD) how much the entire batch weighed and then weighed (AGAIN!) about 1/4 of that and that's my dinner.  My own customized chinese food without the frying it and it isn't half bad!  Though...I think it needs a little more seasoning next time, maybe I'll add a little more garlic, something to mess with I suppose :)

THAT my friends is why this go around is different.  Last time I spent a lot of time searching the grocery store for those perfect easy to make no fuss meals that were "good for me".  Ha!  They really don't exist.  They're chauk full of salt my friends!  I'm not like "OMG SALT NOT IN MY DIET" but I don't want an overabundance.  So I make my own food.  And yes, soy sauce does have salt, but I try to limit it, best I can :) 

Have you ever noticed when you're being "good" on your diet you stick to the outer edges of the grocery store or within the frozen veggies section/bread aisle for "your food"? 

I noticed it last night.  Granted I walked down every damn aisle looking for an ingredient that still eludes me, but that's a story for another post.  I went to Walmart last night in search of food for some recepies I saw online and also for my rice.  First place I stopped, the fresh food section.  Got the shredded carrots, the green onion, some fruit, some bananas (my new best friend!) and moved on to the frozen foods section where I picked up my peas and some premixed bags of stir fry veggies that are frozen that I can use when busy or don't feel like cooking but want to throw together some stir fry.  They come with prepackaged sauce but I doubt I'll use it.  Anyway...then I hit the meat section and got a TON of chicken on sale (I got 12 pounds of chicken for ~18 bucks) which I split into two breasts per ziplock bag and put them all in the freezer except the one pack I used today.  And then got a little red meat because I want to make some beef and broccoli and such in the next week or so, and then I perused down the outer aisle as I picked up cheese, yogurt, eggs, milk and some 100% orange juice.  The only "inner aisle" I hit was the soda aisle for my fix (I drink 2 per day now wut!) and the cereal aisle for some prepackaged instant oatmeal.  The rest of the "inner aisle" shopping I did was for the boyfriend and his snack needs.  As much as I'd love for him to lose weight with me, it's not his priority and me harping on him will do no good.  So until he's ready, I can only support him not gaining as much weight as trying to cook as good of meals as possible.  :) 

So that's what I'm doing.  Cooking at home more, making better for me with much more veggies in it meals, and trying to have some sort of portion control going on.  It's kind of stressful, in a way.  Especially if you have a home made recipe such as spaghetti and you're trying to figure out just how many calories DOES this little amount I have on my plate have in it?  But I found that if I figure out all the calories individually as best I can and then add it all together, figure out how much the whole shabang weighs and figure out how many servings I think it should be and split it up that way I come out at least a little better off.  And it gets easier over time.

I'm not really hungry or constantly thinking of food like I was the first few days.  I don't care what anyone says, going from eating like 2500 to 3k worth of calories down to 1600 to 1800 calories makes your stomach go WTF!  I'm exercising more.  I'm actually having difficulty eating my full 1600 calories (GASP).  But you know what, I'm satisfied after meals, I'm sleeping better when my knee and elbow isn't bothering me and overall I am getting into better shape and losing weight.

Here's to continued success!

Until next time.

Monday, June 14, 2010

I did it! *cue eye of the tiger music*

Ok, so I'm so excited I had to post it, it probably sounds pathetic but I'm really psyched! 


That's right, my fat ass bounced on the treadmill at a measly 2.5 speed jogging for 3 full minutes!


This is also the second time I've been on the treadmill this week.  Now tomorrow Imma do it again, you watch and see, this weight is going down!

Until next time!

And so it comes to this...

Ok, first of all.  I don't know how many people actually read my blog, if you do, great if not, that's fine.  This is my weight loss journey, and I babble on here about anything and everything.

I didn't have it set to where I needed to moderate comments being left until I had several comments left by Kanji written names that were redirecting people to porn websites.  So I started moderating it because I do not condone comments left like that.  If you want to go to porn that's fine, but I am not going to allow such posts, kids may read these posts, including cousins of my own and that is not ok to me.

Now I'm getting spam commented to go to weight loss sights offering me the secrets to weight loss through Acai Berries and other crap.

Let me say this here and now:


I get excited when I get a comment.  Almost no one ever does comment, and that's fine.  I know some people prefer to read not post.  I'm also one of those.  But if you're going to leave a comment don't waste my time by offering me the secrets to fast weight loss or some porn shop.  I know the secrets to weight loss, I've just been too lazy all my damn life to do it!  And if I want porn I'm sure my boyfriend's computer has some layin' around and if I asked we could watch it together though I prefer the real thing.  >.>

So, that being said, if you read this to enjoy it, I thank you.  Carry on with your day :)

Oh and one little tidbit of information I found exciting today.  I inched every closer to that 270 mark.  I'm down to 270.2 today XD  SO CLOSE!  :)

Until next time.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

A little late in the posting, but an excellent weight loss week none the less.

I got busy yesterday.  I generally seem to when I need to relax the most, but that's life for you.  Between grocery shopping, changing my airline tickets, doing some online job hunting, and getting the house picked up it was a bit busy.  So I forgot, until well after noon to get on the scale.  I don't weigh myself unless it's first thing in the morning and I haven't eaten or drank anything and I've done my business.  Just the way I've always done it.  And there are days when it keeps me from getting on the scale, if I'm too much in a hurry or something I won't.  But anyway.  I hopped on it this morning and I'm at (officially) 270.6.  That's damn near 7 pounds this week.  Huzzah! 

I posted last time that my back had really been giving me some grief, but I think it's finally simmered down.  Dunno what I did to it but it's decided to be a good back now lol.  I can actually sit in this chair without feeling like I'm doing the ouchie dance back and forth trying to find a good position to sit in.  So that means it's time to get moving again!  So, I'm off to go exercise, toodaloo!  :)

Until next time!

Friday, June 11, 2010


So I hadn't really hopped on a scale much in the past couple of days, since my last posting of what I weighed really.  Life has been a little hectic, I've been keeping the house clean, driving all over the Eastern Phoenix Metro area looking for work, going to interviews, so on and so forth, and really watching what I eat.  I've worked out 2 times this week (today will be the third) by walking on the treadmill, and I did a couple of stretching/weight lift days with 3 pound weights because my back has been really stiff.  It's not too bad when walking around after my initial get out of bed, but man if I sit down for any extended period of time my back is like WTF ARE YOU DOING?!  >.<  So annoying. 

Most of my interviews have involved being out and about most of the day, mostly because it's like a 20 minute drive there, a 30 to 40 minute interview and then I usually find a couple of places nearby before I go that I can go put an application in.  So I'm generally gone from 10am to about 3pm each day, over lunch joy right?  I try to combat the whole not able to eat lunch at lunch time problem by taking some snacks with me.  A large banana, a stick of string cheese, maybe a little thing of yogurt, even some low fat crackers once.  About 300 to 400 calories worth of snacks that are good for me and provide me with protein, fruit portions for the day nothing that will throw me off my weight loss.  Yesterday I ran out of these good for me snacks and had an interview that took me over lunch and omg I was starving when I got home.  Instead of having like 400 calories worth of food to munch on throughout the time period I had only a banana which I promptly scarfed at noon after my interview.  So by the time I got home it was 3pm and my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was going to throw up.  And I knew that the only stuff I had at home to eat was stuff that would take 20 or 30 minutes to cook so I stopped and got a Teriyaki Bowl from Jack in the Box.  A bit heavy on the carbs side but calories and fat wise acceptable.  So my new note to self is don't run out of the snack stuff!  lol.

I digress.  I saw a number today that I haven't seen in a good year or so.  270.  Woah, say what?  270 you say?  And this wasn't on my scale folks, this was on my mom's scale which told me I was at 277 when I started earlier this week.  Huzzah!  Yes, 7 pound loss seems a little extreme but honestly I can see it happening.  Some of it is water weight I'm sure.  The week prior to starting over my food intake was pretty much just fast food.  From moving there's no time or real ability to cook food.  You're so tired from packing boxes and loading the truck that someone says cooking and you say fuck you man!  Then when you're on the road you don't exactly have the ability to pull over and cook a good for you meal, nor really pick and choose where you eat as you drive through a town.  You find a place and you eat there.  That's all there is to it.  Then when I got here it was pretty much the same, we're unloading boxes and unloading the truck and getting things we need before my mom leaves and so on.  So I can imagine that my salt intake for the week prior was through the roof causing me weight gain because of water retention. 

Fast forward to this past week.  I've worked out, I've stayed within 1600 to 1800 calories on all days but one, and I've drank a TON of water, more than I have in quite a long time.  Still drinking soda but I only drink one or two cans per day and the rest of my fluid intake, especially while on the road has been water.  This is anywhere from 2 to 4 bottles a day average.  So I'm flushing all that salt out of my system, plus I'm working out and eating better.  I gave myself a range of calories for a reason.  I know some people are like 1700 and that's it!  Well, I like a range better.  Looking at my fit day, which is where I put all my information food wise in, every day except Saturday I have eaten anywhere from 1600 to 1700 naturally, generally right around 1650.  That extra 1 to 200 calories I use as my "snack calories".  You know, that time of night at like 8pm when you're roaming the cupboards looking for something because you have the munchies?  I generally don't give in, but I have that choice without feeling depressed that I decided to have a cup of popcorn or a frozen treat.  It's hot here.  It's 110 during the day and like upper 80's lower 90's at night.  Being overweight in such heat sucks balls but until I get my weight down, all I can do is suffer through it and who doesn't like a nice frozen treat?  I found my favorite frozen treat, even better than Weight Watchers ice cream: Frozen fruit bars.  100% fruit in a frozen treat form.  LOVE IT.  It's ice cold, and very few calories, 80 in the strawberry ones.  And fat free to boot.  Much better choice than Dairy Queen Ice Cream.  That's what my life is about right now, moving more and making better choices.  I'm not going to deny myself something in my life just because I'm supposed to be losing weight.  I'm not going to say "sorry chubby you're losing weight, no frozen treat for you!", I'm going to have a frozen treat, just choose one that's better for me than some 500 calorie blizzard. 

So I must say, this week was a winner in the weight loss.  Tomorrow is the official weigh in.  Maybe I'll see a 269 instead of 270 eh?  :)  So...

Until next time!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Just a quickie.  I don't have much time, I'm running out the door to go to an interview in a few minutes.  I just wanted to post that I am still doing well and for the most part on target with my eating.  I've found that having just one brat doesn't work for me.  I managed to somehow say I'm only going to eat one....and have two.  Ugh, I went way over calories too, by about 300.  But such is life, and I didn't let it detour me the following day.  I did manage to find something on the menu of Jack in the Box that I found to be "acceptable" in fast food eating, their Teriyaki bowl isn't *too* bad, just full of salt.  But compared to a burger and fries or something along those lines I'll take it.  I'd planned on making food at home but realized after my interview yesterday that when I got home at 5pm I hadn't taken the hamburger or any chicken or really anything frozen out of the freezer.  Sigh!  So we went out to eat and I chose the lesser of the evils.  One step at a time...

I keep forgetting to get on the scale before I eat, so my weight is probably off but I came in at 273.4 this morning.  That was after breakfast (oatmeal and a banana!) and a full bottle of water so who knows.  I'll endeavor to get on the scale BEFORE I eat tomorrow to hopefully have a real weight.  >.<  Or maybe I'll wait until Monday.  I use Mondays as my traditional weigh in days because I'm less likely to go overboard on the weekends eating if I know that I have to weigh in on Monday mornings. 

Anyway I'm off, until next time!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Day 2!

Still going strong!  I made it to the store today and got some good food.  Only "splurge" purchase I made was some weight watchers ice cream.  Sorry when it's 108 degrees outside sometimes you just NEED some cold ice cream so I may as well make it as not evil as possible right?  Weight Watchers Ice Cream Bar > Large Dairy Queen Blizzard in the calories department.  >.>  I got some more breakfast stuff, another case of water, the makings of spaghetti, lasagna, Chicken Kabobs, as well as some fresh corn on the cob, fruit, veggies you name it!  Some good food right der! 

And for the second day in a row, I walked on the treadmill.  I think it kicked my ass more today than yesterday but that's probably due to being so sore from yesterday.  I'm sure each day will get easier.  I just need to keep at it!  Yesterday I came in at 1653 calories which isn't half bad.  I do need to drink more water though.  :)  Today I'm at 1185 calories as of 4pm, so dinner may push me to 1700 or so.  But that's fine.  As long as I'm under 1800 I'm happy.  I want to do a couple of weeks at 1600-1800 just to see how much weight I lose.  I wasn't hungry yesterday...today I feel a little hungrier but I did 26 minutes at 2.5 speed instead of 20, and I was outside for a while this morning as well as this afternoon when I went to the store and walked around the store for almost 2 hours.  So I think between reducing my intake and the increase in general movement this weekend I'm feeling more hungry.  Or maybe I'm just thirsty and don't know the difference.  We'll see.  But regardless, my goal is below 1800, increase veggies and fruit intake and drink more water.  I DID buy soda today but I've restricted myself to one can in the AM and one can at dinner time.  The rest of the day I drink water, mostly because I don't want to get dehydrated from not being used to the heat here.

But anyway, I'm off to go watch a movie, I deserve some down time now that I've done so much working out today and walking around.  Oh!  I also found my scale today!  I'll give you an update tomorrow!

Until next time!

Do you hear that?

No?  Neither do I!  What do you mean, you ask?  I mean, mom's gone with the kids and it's...quiet...  LOVE IT!  lol.  Mom left yesterday late evening for the airport to go to IL so it's just me and D again.  Nice and quiet.  I mentioned mom had a treadmill, I started using it today.  I told myself I wouldn't mess with it until mom left.  I'm too much of a pansy ass.  I don't like anyone, not even D watching me work out, or being awake when I do so.  I guess it's the way I make my excuse to not do it.  But regardless, yesterday I'd bought a mat for the floor cuz mom has tile flooring to do stretches on before walking on the treadmill as a warm up.  I also bought some free weights but I'm going to take them back, mom has the same ones so no need for 2 pairs for now.  I am on a budget afterall, no job kinda does that to you.  

So this morning I woke up, drank a diet dew and hopped on the treadmill after stretching.  5 minutes at 1.5 as a warm up walk, 20 minutes at 2.5 and 5 minutes again at 1.5 to cool down.  I'm telling you what, that kicked my ass from here to Australia!  Not like omg I'm going to die, but I probably could have quit after 15 minutes at 2.5 but I wanted a flat 30 minute work out.  Mom also has a stair stepper thing, I may try that too as something different, along with some weight lifting stuff.  

So day 1.  Fresh start, and a serious one at that.  I was ready when I restarted posting but with some stuff that got thrown in my way I wasn't really able to put my heart into it.  But now I have time (ain't that a joke, not like I have anything else to do atm!), and the want to lose some weight.  Mom's going to be gone, I'm going to try to find a job, and exercise will do me good.  I want, hopefully, to get down into the 250's by the time I go to IL (provided I can go), or by the time she gets back if I don't go to IL because of a new job.  Shouldn't be completely undoable.  Mom wanted me to try to get down to like 230 but I think that's unrealistic.  That'd be like 20 pounds a month, it'd be nice, but I don't think it's realistic.  

Anyway.  So here's what happened today for me.  

9am Awoke
9:40am: Breakfast (2 packages of maple and brown sugar oatmeal)
10 to 11am worked out.  30 minutes of treadmill with some good 10 to 15 minutes of stretching before and after.
11 to 12 played a new video game I bought yesterday real cheap.  Enjoying it :)
12 to 3 cleaned house and lunch was in there somewhere.  The house was clean when mom left, but not "clean" to my specs.  I swept, mopped, did dishes from the night before's dinner, wiped down a bunch of stuff, vacuumed, really scrubbed down the bathrooms, and so on.  My lunch consisted of a low fat frozen dinner I found tucked away in mom's freezer.  Beef and Broccoli with rice.  Wasn't half bad.  
4 to 7 I continued my cleaning and about 5 or so I rearranged the bedroom we're staying in.  (I did say I was busy all day today right?).  I moved the bed, the desk, went out to the shed and got an old side table for next to the bed, put the 27 inch tv up on the desk so we can watch tv, hung up ALL the clothes, rearranged everything in the closet so it wasn't just thrown in there out of the way and so on.  So much done!
7pm I realized what time it was and made dinner.  We had well trimmed steak with some mashed potatoes, a little gravy (well, little for me, D had however much he wanted), and I had some more broccoli with mine.  
And now it's 11:23pm and I'm tired. 

I plan on tomorrow getting up and walking again, and umm...going shopping I guess.  We have some food in the house, but not really.  The only meat here is pork for some reason lol.  So I need to get some chicken and some beef and such.  Veggies, fruit as a snack and some low fat popcorn stuff.  I love snacking.  I also need more water (I'm drinking it like crazy!) and a case of soda for dinner meals would be nice.  

So that's that.  Not a bad day for my day 1.  I still can't find my scale :(  I'm still looking though!  :)

Until next time.