Saturday, January 31, 2009


So I tried out this new yoga pose last night while working out, and all I can say this morning is OWWW.....

When I did it, it was fine, I actually did it really well, didn't waver as much as I thought. Basically you stand on your tip toes and put your arms behind you as far as you can and hold it for like 30 seconds. Not bad. Did it three times, felt good to stretch like that.

This morning I woke up and my calf of my left leg is so sore I can't hardly walk on it, and my shoulders scream if I bring my shoulders back at all.

So instead of a really intense workout, I opted for cleaning the house. One it let my muscles relax for today and two it got my house clean...and believe me, it was a mess. I also had to take down 4 bags of trash today (and no not at the same time) so I had to go up and down the stairs 4 times, plus took my laundry to the car, hauled it into the laundry mat, back out to the car and back up the stairs. I also wandered around Best Buy a little bit to get a headset. Much more active than just sitting at my computer all day :)

I've come up with some rewards for myself, to keep me going. I've lost 5 pounds after this week, so I rewarded myself with a new headset (it's wireless!) for my computer. A little pricy but I needed one anyway.

My 10 pound goal I want to make getting a food weighing digital machine thingy. It's hard for me to guesstimate how much stuff weighs, like...steak after you cook it, ect. At my 10% goal I want to look into an hour massage somewhere. Beyond that, we'll wait and see.

I'm still learning this whole better this than that thing. I'm making much better choices than I would have in the past. For example, tonight I cooked up some thin cut steaks. I chose steaks that I couldn't see any fat visible when I bought them. I also cooked them with no butter (in the past I would've put butter in). I was going to make velveta shells and cheese but decided to find out the points value first (which is 8 per serving if anyone cares to know) and decided to go with the uncle ben's ready rice that is more like 5 per serving. Not that I didn't have the points for the velveta but that it was a better overall choice.

I am also (as I type) eating a thing of blackberry fat free Yoplait light. I have found that to be my favorite so far. And yes, I've tried the Keylime and no I didn't like it. I also tried the pineapple upside down cake and struggled to finish it, gross. But I keep trying new kinds. I buy 3 that I like and 1 unknown so that at least I still have a few to eat if I don't like the unknown :). I also have a small cup of Mott's Cinnamon applesauce sitting here waiting to be ate as well. Now if only I could get individual cups of veggies that don't cost an arm, leg and first born I'd be happy.

I will weigh myself tomorrow morning to give a monthly loss weight. Hopefully it goes down. I know this week has been odd when it comes to eating out, but I've done a lot more exercising too, so it should even itself out and give me a loss me thinks. :)

So I'm off for now, toodaloo :)


Thursday, January 29, 2009

The "Sub" is a lie....

So last night I got home and the BF was starvin' marvin and it would take a long time for me to get to the store and get the couple of pieces for dinner I needed to make dinner at home so we opted for what we thought would be a healthy alternative to eating McDonalds or Pizza Hut or the like. We got Quiznos. I got a regular classic club and a cup of brocolli and cheese. I was trying to decide if I was still hungry after eating the "small" portion of it (ie, half). I decided to look up the points value before I decided to eat the other half or find something else to eat and boy am I glad I did. A small Quiznos classic club sub is 14 points! I think I hit the floor! >.> With that and my cup of brocolli I had 17 points already for dinner. Yeah so no more classic club for me! lol. I fell within my daily points so no harm no foul but wow an eye opener. I wish I could find the subway here in town, they've got to be much more better (and I tend to like their chicken sandwhich with lots of veggies, plus they have a better veggie selection imo). Instead of eating the other half of the sandwhich I opted to have some applesauce and a small container of light yogurt and then later I had my normal WW ice cream bar. Much better and more filling alternative.

So, lesson learned, Quiznos sucks for points value. lol. But since I have been paying attention to that "full feeling" more, I was already trying to decide if I was honestly more hungry or if I was just needing to let it sit a little and then reevaluate. Comes in handy sometimes. :)

I'm also proud to post that I did indeed get up at the crack of dawn this morning and work out. I don't feel near as sore today as I did the first day and I'm feeling much more awake, and not near as "blah" feeling as I have the last couple of days. Since Wii Fit prompts you to weigh each day I went ahead out of curiosity, up .2, but considering the rather heavy meal last night and ate out for lunch... and the workouts I've done this week, m'eh no worries! :) I have 3 more days to work out for my goal anyway before the WI so I'm sure I'll drop it and then some, it's what I did last week anyway.

So keep at it! See ya'll later!


Wednesday, January 28, 2009

A sucessful lunch outing!

So it was the Doc's b-day today. We went to a place called Central Avenue Grill for lunch. I tried to find something that sounded like it would be halfway decent for me, and I got chicken fajitas. I made sure to load up my tortilla with lots of tomato, lettuce, a little cheese and litterally like a fork's end of sour cream and guacamole, and salsa and then two slices of the chicken and a fork full of the green/red/onion mixture that was under the chicken (it looked a bit greasier than I would've liked) per tortilla. I ate two. :)

We also had a brownie type thing brought to the Doc from the restraunt for his b-day dessert. He passed it around and I had a bite of it. Was really good but really rich. One bite was enough for me!

So I think I passed on my first office lunch out with the group. Not too bad I hope! :)


Half-way awake and not feelin' too well.

As sluggish as I was feeling yesterday, I'm not feeling much better today. I tried to drag myself out of bed at 5:30 again this morning and made it as far as the couch before my head was just killing me, so I went back to bed for an hour and 10 minutes. I wasn't feeling well all day yesterday, even after I got rid of my headache I just felt very blah. Again today I'm feeling the same way. I had to force myself to eat a breakfast because I'd look at what I had choice wise and it didn't sound good. Not that I was craving anything, just almost like I wasn't hungry. So I ended up eating a small thing of applesauce and a whole bottle of water and that was it. I just couldn't force myself to eat anything else. I even slept like a log when I did go to bed around 10:30, I vaguely remember the BF poking me sometime in the night to move over so he could crawl into bed but that's about it. >.>

I'm supposed to be going out to lunch for the Doc's birthday today (I work for a dentist). We're going to a nearby grill. I've never been there before so I wonder what's on the menu, but we'll find out.

I also had an awesome dinner last night. I'll post the recepie at the bottom. I personally only used half the chicken because I bought chicken tenders instead of full chicken breasts. I tend to find they're not only less fatty (even though both have no skin and bones, I end up having to trim quite a bit more fat off the chicken breasts), but they're also sold in 1 pound packages instead of like 4 pounds. Given my limited freezer space from only having a 3/4 fridge instead of a full fridge, and the freezer being almost half frozen solid, I don't really have room to put a huge package of chicken into the freezer. Plus, I rarely have chicken back to back, I usually try to spread it out a little. So until I either move into a new place that has a real fridge/freezer, or have room for a standalone freezer, or my mom moves into the area where I can put a bunch of frozen stuff into her full size fridge looking freezer, small packages it is! In any case, the only thing it really changed was the saucy-ness of the rice I think. It was still extreamly good.

Asian Chicken Rice Bake:

1tsp Paprika
2tsp Garlic Powder
2tbsp Honey
2tbsp Apple Cider Vinegar
2tbsp Soy Sauce
3/4 cup of water
1 can Golden Mushroom Soup (undiluted)
6 chicken boneless skinless chicken breasts
3/4 cup dry long grain white rice (recepie calls for instant, I used regular and it was fine).

1) Sprinkle uncooked white rice along the bottom of a 12 by 8 pan. Rinse chicken and lay atop of the rice.

2) Mix together garlic powder, honey, apple cider vinegar, soy sauce, water and Golden Mushroom Soup. Pour mixture over chicken and rice.

3) Sprinkle Paprika over the chicken and cover with tinfoil. Bake in oven at 375 degrees for 45 minutes or until chicken is done.

It's extreamly simple to make, and oh so good. It's got this...tangy, yet sweet taste to it and I'm not a big fan of trying new recepies but this was awesome. If you're on WW, it's 6 points per serving. I think next time I may add some veggies to it, like broccoli, so I can get in my veggie portion as well.

It was good enough that I had 2 servings of it, some applesauce and later in the evening I had a WW ice cream bar thing. Still had 4 points left over but I fell asleep before I could use them. I have a much harder time using up my points during the week when I work, than I do on the weekends when I can plan it a little better and kind of throw some good stuff snacks like fruit and such into my day at home. Yes I could bring fruit and snacks to work but I rarely have time to munch on them. There's a no food or drink in the front rule, and the chances of me slipping away for more than a quick drink of water is pretty slim most days. But I'm also not getting all my fruits and veggies in during the day either so I dunno what to do :/

Anyway I need to get doin' some work. I want to work on my assignment that's due on Monday a little today while I have the time but boy do I not feel up to working on it. I'm so tired :(


Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Temptation resisted....mostly.

My boyfriend is so thoughtful. He knew yesterday would be a busy day after work, that I'd be tired, and would probably not want to cook. So in his effort to alleviate my stress by cutting out dinner making, he bought El Parasol tacos on the way home. He bought 6, at one time that's how many I would eat. They're greasy, and oh so good, and 6 was what it took to fill me up. So I had 4 of them, and gave the other two to the confines of the fridge, for the boyfriend to eat today for lunch. I don't feel bad about having the tacos because I'd been so rigid on my diet the last 2 weeks that I not only savored every bite, but I had plenty of points left over for the end of the day and I made sure I had a serving of fruit with it and also put extra tomatos on the tacos themselves and onion. I also dabbed off as much grease as possible before eating them. They're not huge tacos either. Even with those tacos, I stayed within my daily points. Today I'm right back to my normal food choices and I had a bowl of total raisin bran and milk for breakfast.

I was going to work out again this morning but when I got up to go to the living room, I noticed the BF was sleeping on the couch. He does that from time to time. But it made it so I couldn't work out this morning without waking him up, so I opted to go back to bed for an hour and get some much needed sleep. Despite going to bed at 10pm, I was still just exausted when I got up this morning even with the hour extra sleep.

I may even go to bed early tonight. I guess it just depends on how I feel when I get home from work, I'm feeling very sluggish at the moment.

I'll post more when I'm more awake and not so sluggish.


Monday, January 26, 2009

Drumroll please...!

Yes, you're reading it right, it's 5:43 in the morning. I'm awake, despite wanting to be back in bed, to weigh myself, work out, throw dinner in the crockpot and get ready to go to work. I'm so going to want to come home and go to bed tonight lol.

Anyway, so I weighed myself and I've lost.......

1.6 pounds!

Putting me at 280.2!

And with that I shall leave you to your day. It's time for me to go work out. Post more later, when I'm bored at work :)

Midmorning update:

So very bored at work. It's slowed down a ton since this morning. Oye. Right now I'm just kind of putzing around on the internet, wishing I could go outside for a walk or something. I so ran out of time this morning. It took me longer than I thought to exercise and hop through the shower, so I have opted to make a different chicken meal instead of the crockpot one. Asian Chicken Bake it is for dinner! :)

I had an awesome weekend. I got a few things accomplished over the weekend that had to get done, like switching my liscense to NM, and getting the ball rolling on switching my plates over...things like that. I cleaned up my kitchen, and started on the living room (I'll completely clean the house this coming weekend, it's going to be my goal!). I didn't really feel hungry or if I did it was a quick fix by eating something good for me. I drank plenty of water, I exercised. It was a good weekend!

So I'm going to set some goals for myself this week. Something that I can check off and say HEY I DID THAT! :)

1) Work out at least 30 minutes 5 times this week
2) Drink 4 bottles of water daily (equal to the 8 glasses they say is necessary daily).
3) Get my house completely cleaned (weekend job).
4) Go for a walk outside at least 1 time this week (provided the weather cooperates!)
5) Buy a pedometer

Not too bad of goals eh? I'm not going to put down a weight loss goal for the week. Whatever I lose is what I lose. No use in getting bummed because I didn't lose "enough". Plus I have to remember that as I start working out more, I'll build more muscle and will probably have a week or two where I gain due to the muscle mass increase. I've often gotten bummed over weeks that I gain, so gotta remember that. So long as I'm eating correctly and exercising, even a gain will even itself out. :)

Back to work I go!


Sunday, January 25, 2009

Surprises around every corner.

So...I surprised myself yesterday. I made some homemade beef stew and about an hour or so before it was supposed to be done you're supposed to put in the corn, greenbeans, peas, etc. Well...I did. I was starving and had like half a can of each veggie left because it was just a small batch of stew. Rather than eat something bad for me (not that there's really anything bad for me in my house anymore) I mixed together 1/4 of a cup of each of the veggies, heated them up in the microwave in just a little bit of water(so it wouldn't burn), drained it, and ate it. I was actually craving the veggies over anything else in my house. Surprises abound!

Some things I've noticed:

I no longer crave soda.
I can now go to McDonalds or Sonic to buy my boyfriend a meal for lunch and not want anything off their menu.
I don't crave sweets as bad.
Greasy food makes me sick so I now avoid it.
I'm spending $100 a week (give or take) on groceries and they're lasting me the whole week instead of running out in 2 or 3 days.
I'm having a hard time eating all my points in a day yet I do not feel hungry!

Surprisingly enough I get no complaints from the better half about the food in the house. Of course, he's not much of a sweets eater (which is good for me!) because of being deployed in Iraq for so long. So long as I keep a bag of tortilla chips in the house with some salsa he's good on snack food, and I'm not a big chips and salsa eater so I don't snack on them.

My mother has called and is coming to visit from Illinois and see about possibly moving down here in mid February. I can't wait because it was a year almost exactly between the time I saw her last and it was for a relatively bad reason, my grandpa had died right after thanksgiving pf this past year and I went home for the funeral. So you can imagine it wasn't the best time to go home for a visit. So I'm really hoping to have some fun with her coming down. The only thing I hope is that I can keep to my diet while she's here because if her AND the girls (my 2 cousins she's guardian of) AND my aunt AND her kid come down we'll probably be eating out a lot. I sure don't have the kitchen to cook for that large of a crowd. lol.

Ahh well, even if I do lax a little while they're here, there's nothing stopping me from hitting the ground running again when they leave. I'm not worried about reversing everything I've done because quite frankly I don't want and can't go back to that way of life. It makes me sick to eat things I used to. Like I picked up a rotissary chicken and the grease in it (I thought it was good for you, even pealed the skin off and didn't eat it) was making me so sick to my stomach after I ate it, I probably won't get another one again.

There are things I want to do in my life that I cannot do as big as I am, and I really want to do it!

I want to skydive
I want to be able to fly from point A to point B without a belt extender and feel comfortable.
I want to be able to put my seatbelt on in my car without it being a struggle.
I want to be able to sit in the backseat of a car with a seatbelt on (I currently cannot).
I want to learn to ski without feeling like my ankles are going to break from the weight.
I want to be able to carry things up to my apartment without waddling like a duck.
I want to be able to run around chasing children (preferably mine when I have them!) and not feel winded.
I want to be able to ride a horse! Nothing is more humilating than being told you cannot enjoy the horse rides with your family because you're too big. I cried a lot after that one.

I WANT TO LIVE. Period. My weight is holding me back from doing things I would love to be able to do and I, WILL change that.

So I'm done with babbling for today. I have a paper to write, it's a gorgeous day outside, I have laundry to do, it's a gorgeous day outside (yes I repeated it, I'm so going for a walk outside!) and I have a car to clean out, which will also keep me outside. Again, it's gorgeous outside here. So by god if it's nice where you're at, go for a walk, I'll be out there! :)


Friday, January 23, 2009


Yes yes, so I know it kills the cat, but I don't think it killed me this time. I woke up this morning, curious to see how my week of nose to the grindstone when it came to dieting and cutting out soda helped. I gained .4 since Monday and I'll reweigh myself on Monday for my official count. Regardless, I'm not upset about it. I FEEL lighter. I can't explain it, but I feel much lighter today than I did a week ago. There were many days in the last month or so where I've felt sick, sluggish, and very irritable. Recently, within the last week I've still felt very sluggish and a little irritable (which I contribute to the sudden caffinee dump from my system) but I haven't felt sick. I've been eating meals which were good for me and filling and even enjoying an ice cream bar almost every night and yet I haven't really felt sick to my stomach like i have in the past.

I actually had to put a belt on with these pants I"m wearing today. They were already a size or two too big, I had them given to me by someone bigger than myself after she lost weight from a gastric bypass. I took them and often wear them 1 because I don't have any other jeans and 2 because they were comfy. They were too big and I could take them off without unbuttoning them but they quicky became my favorite pair. Today, I put them on and they slid off as I walked out of the bedroom into the living room. O.o oops, guess I needed a belt eh? So on it went. My shirt I'm wearing also feels a little more comfy than before. And actually, if I continue this, these jeans I'm wearing will soon be thrown out because the legs of them look huge (again a part of clothing I hate, just because my waist is a big doesn't mean I have elephant legs for legs c'mon now!).

So despite a very minor gain which could easily be contributed to the daily weight gain/loss your body goes through. I must say I am happy with my choice, and as I log off now to go to the store, I hope ya'll are happy with yours as well. See you on the flip side :)


Thursday, January 22, 2009

No soda O.o

Day 4 of my no soda-ness! Honestly, I don't think I'm missing it as much as I thought I would. Yesterday I had a bad headache, but I caught it before it spiraled into a migrane. I have more than enough water to last me until tomorrow. I've been drinking an average of 6 8oz glasses on weekdays. I try to push to get to that 4th bottle (which is 2 8oz glasses) as they suggest you have every day but on weekdays it's near impossible. I can't have a bottle of water here at my desk, per boss's request, and I don't often think to go snag a drink of the bottle I have in the back, so I only drink one bottle while at work, another at lunch with my lunch and then usually one when I get home. Weekends, though, I'm sure I'll meet and exceed that 8 8oz glass goal.

I realized sometime today that I haven't ate out all week. In fact, I haven't ate out since Tuesday of last week (which was Quiznos). I cooked stuff at home all weekend, and then this week I've cooked dinner or had left overs every night. The one night (last night) that I thought of eating out, I went to the store in search of a rotissary chicken, didn't find any except the lemon pepper ones, which neither myself nor the boyfriend like, so I opted to get some lean thin cut steaks and uncle ben's rice that you throw in the microwave for 90 seconds. Was a good meal. Considering I didn't get off work until 6pm and was in no mood due to my headache to cook, I think I did well. :) I had the biggest temptation from the other half bringing home McDonalds for lunch for himself (not expecting me to be home I guess) and I opted to have a single fry to have the taste but avoid all of the calories. Who says you can't eat just one right? :)

I'm not sure what I'll have for dinner tonight, it's just me. I may hit the store (got nothin' at my house to eat that's for sure!) and see if I can do my shopping tonight. We'll see how tired I am this evening I suppose. Tonight is also raid night for WoW which I'm going to help lead, and also my workout night. So I may just have to find something quick to eat so I have time to get home and work out before raid or I won't get a chance to tonight until late, which means I'll probably just fall asleep lol. I may see if I can't drag myself out of bed and go for walks in the morning. I love to go for walks, and walking really early in the morning may get me up and moving. We'll see.

I also need to be up and moving earlier in the mornings. I'm getting back into the habit of getting up at the very last minute for work and it's causing me to skip breakfast again. I am out of my granola bars here at work and I need to go get some more, but I'm starving today because I have none >.> Not a good thing. At least lunch is only an hour away :)

Anyway I'm going to jet. Ttyl! :)

Midafternoon update:

I had a "I'm proud of myself" moment this afternoon. When lunch rolled around, I had about 20 minutes to eat when I got home. Not quite enough time to cook anything but just enough time to peruse the cupboards and realize I still have nothing in my house but pb&j to eat. Then it hit me. I had some hot wings in the freezer, tyson ones I believe. I'd bought them a while back just before I went on this whole diet thing and I was like now that sounds good, something different. Then I looked at the package. I immediately threw them out. Ze boytoy won't eat them, he's not big on chicken with bones, so instead of running the risk of being tempted by them down the road and because I have an extremly limited freezer space, I threw them away. Plunk into the garbage. Why? THREE little wings were 220 calories and 15 (!) grams of fat. Thanks but no thanks. That's all, move along now :)

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Hump day!

And no, not the kind of hump you're thinkin', you sick minded person you! :P

Though technically I don't really have a "hump" day so much at this job, I only work 4 days a week, 10 hour days, so Wednesdays are the "downslope" day and usually when it's like "oh it's wednesday weekend already?" sort of feel. I like my 3 days off a week. Fridays are usually the days I reserve for grocery shopping, doing laundry, paying bills, all sorts of stuff. It's easier to do it on Fridays because all the shops and such are open guarenteed on Fridays. Like this Friday I get to go sit at the DMV for hours on end to get my plates switched to NM plates. Doesn't that just sound like a bucket full of fun!? lol. I hate the DMV. When I had to switch my plates to Texas from Illinois plates, I thought it'd take me all day, took the day off work to get it done and everything. It only took me 3 hours to do it, which is rare. Now I've heard this one in town his horrible for being slower than molassas in IL in January so hopefully I'll be able to drag myself out of bed early enough to be like THE first one there lol.

So onward to the weight loss stuff I know ya'll are just dying for me to talk about.

I used only 31 points yesterday, much to my surprise. I had a good breakfast of raisin bran and milk, then about 10am I had a low fat granola bar. For lunch I actually wasn't happy with myself, I had a bowl of chili left, but it was way too much, I should've stopped eating it about 3/4 of the way because I was full but I didn't want to waste what was left. Walking back to work was ugh cuz I felt too fully. Hate when that happens. Too heavy of a meal that lunch was. Anyway. Then at dinner I came home and made soft shell tacos in an attempt to use up the tortilla shells in the fridge. Two shells, meat, cheese and salsa clocked in at 8.5 points. I also had a WW cookies and cream ice cream bar for dessert and then laid down and watched some tv because I was extremly tired yesterday for some reason. It's much easier to eat well when I work than it is on the weekends when I'm home and bored.

I also need to start working out a little bit more. It's hard to work out Monday through Wednesday because I'm usually really tired from work and cooking and just want to relax and play WoW for a little bit before bed. But Thursday through Sunday I can easily work out, so I'm going to start looking into maybe a Y pass or something. Mostly for the treadmill. I enjoy walking on a treadmill. Walking around here is hard right now, the cold makes my asthma flare if I'm out too long. I'd just BUY a treadmill but unfortunately there's absolutely, 100% no where to put it at this point where we're living now. We're hoping to get a new apartment in May, and are talking about getting a 2 bedroom, one to sleep in and one to put our computers and such in. I get 20 minutes of walking per day, but in 5 minute intervals (walk to work, walk home for lunch, walk back to work, walk home for the day). I also feel silly, right now, exercising in front of the boyfriend, mostly cuz stuff goes a floppin' and I feel silly. So I do it when he's not home, or sleeping :)

Anyway, I gotta get back to work. I'll post more later as I eat, and get things accomplished today. I didn't get a chance to have breakfast, but that's ok. I have my granola bar here, and I'll make sure I have some fruit and such for lunch or something. :)


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

My goals

Besides weight loss, I'm also trying to juggle a couple of other goals I would love to do this year. Obviously my biggest goal right now is weight loss. However, I am in debt (who isn't these days right?). My other goal is to be debt free in '09...well at least non-student loan debts, I don't count those at this point because THEY are not calling me all dang day for their money! lol. I've already taken good steps so far in becoming debt free. I do not live beyond my means, I do not own an active credit card, I save 200 bucks a month when able to now that I have a good job and no more massive emergency spending sprees (ie, plane trips to IL for a funeral). I've also eliminated 2 of my debts, small ones but gone none the less.

My other major goal is to read and write more. When I was in high school, I used to write stories all the time, and I could DEVOUR a 1k page book in a few mere hours. Now I struggle to write anything more than a paragraph at a time, and I can't seem to read more than a few pages without wandering off somewhere else.

In an effort to start that goal on the ball, I've recently bought a notebook that I bring to work with me, I jot down ideas, sometimes I even use the word processor at work to start writing, and I email it back and forth to myself (I'd use a jump drive but the usb ports on this old old computer is in the back and there's enough dust bunny countries back there to choke a horse). I also ordered 4 new books recently, The 4 first books of the Asian Saga by James Clavell.

So that's that! Sounds fun eh? :)

So I put in a bunch of my home recepies and I feel a little better now having a number to attatch to the recepie to see if it's "good" or not. If I go by the WW numbers, I was really under my alloted points of the 34 they give me per day. Of course, having to rush off to work did NOT help one bit. lol. So I ended up having to skip breakfast, and my jaw and tooth was really giving me problems yesterday after I had some dental work done, so I didn't really feel like eating too much. Food wise I only used 18 points, but my jaw and tooth was bugging me so much I decided to get a medium sonic cherry slush when I was out, hopefully to let the cold of the slush calm it down a bit, which it did. While that Slush was a full 6 points, I had used so little points that day I didn't feel bad about having it :)

This morning I managed to get in a breakfast before work, and had some raisin bran with milk which is 4.5 points leaving me a full 29.5 points for the day. What I'm going to eat is beyond me! >.> Sounds like entirely too many points! I have also come to the conclusion that I need to do some grocery shopping tonight. I think I have like 1 more meal left that I can make and that just won't do!

Anyway I don't have much else to put in here today. It's, so far, been very uneventful. The only other "event" I really have going on today is I'm trying to cut out my soda intake. I drink entirely too much soda. I don't care for our water here, I'll drink it but it's bleh, if I have (diet)soda in the house, forget it, it's the first thing I'll grab. So I recently ran out and had bought some water at the store, so I have started drinking that. So long as my headaches don't get too bad from not drinking soda, I hope to just stop drinking it. I'm tired of the 4 dollar a 12 pack cost and I can easily drink a 12 pack a day if I'm home all day. So yeah, not worth it to me.

So I'll keep ya'll posted. :)


Monday, January 19, 2009

A "Witch" of a day in the makings

Today is going to be my bane. I can already feel it. I woke up almost 2 hours after my alarm should have gone off, was an hour late to work, haven't eaten breakfast today and I'm starving, and feel like utter shit. I really don't feel like things have changed much over the weekend. I seemed to be hungry a lot more than usual despite eating well... which caused me random trips to the kitchen where I would stare into the fridge or the cupboards and realize, hey stupid there's nothing in there, shut it and go sit back down and watch tv or play my computer. Much of my frustration with trying to eat better stems from not knowing, for sure, if I'm doing well or not. Those Tostadas, were they the absolute best choice? Maybe not, but it was something I liked, knew I could put veggies on, and was a better choice, in my opinion than say eating fried chicken for dinner or something like that. Isn't that what this is supposed to be about? Making BETTER choices in our lives than cutting out every single thing that is bad? If I cut it all out and make myself miserable I'd be much more likely to go back to my usual eating and I don't want that.

I didn't really have time to post yesterday. I woke up kind of late (for me) at around 9am or so, did some stuff around the house, cleaning and what not, made sure my chicken strips were defrosted so I could make chicken fajitas for dinner and then logged onto WoW and got wrapped up into helping the boyfriend get new "gear" for his new druid, and other friends that I run with helping me get new gear on my shaman that I recently switched to a new type (yeah you probably have no idea what I'm talkin' about but just go with me on this). In fact, I was having so much fun i played for quite a long time. When I did get a moment that I could've posted, I got wrapped up in working on some posts I needed to do for my class, and so kind of forgot to post honestly. I had a late breakfast, so I didn't eat again until dinner, and had 2 fajitas for dinner. Had a banana (which I'm starting to think I'm allergic to, every time I eat one I start to feel sick, even though I mush them up so the texture doesn't bother me...), and a couple of those ice cream bars over the course of the whole day. But the problem is I don't know totals. I cannot sit down and say "This is how many calories I consumed!" because frankly anything made from scratch isn't packaged and thus don't have the totals for me. Sure I can look some of it up but it sounds so confusing.

I'm half tempted to sign up for that weight watchers online to see if maybe the points system will help to quantify it for me a little better but I dunno. I've been on weight watchers before and the weigh ins really detered me. So we'll see, I'll check it out, worse that happens, I guess is I sign up for it and waste some money for a month or two and then quit using it or something. I feel better doing it now than I would have a month or two ago when I was kind of crunching for money. The unexpected expense of going to my grandfather's funeral in IL kind of wiped my savings account out at a time when I was just starting to build it back up from being unemployed for 6 months. Today marks the first check I've gotten since I started at the very end of October that was a "full" check for me. Every other check has been short a day or two or a week. Since I hadn't been employed for at least 3 months, I didn't get paid for holidays, and had no vacation time or anything to make up the difference. Not that it's a huge deal, I don't use that much money per month on buying things that HAVE to be bought and bills that HAVE to be paid, but not having a savings to fall back on worries me. I've been in too many situations in which I've been let go at a job, or had to quit a job (such as when my dad passed in '06) that I needed that savings to use to live off of. Could my mom help me if such a thing were to happen? Probably. My boyfriend? Sure. But I am an extremely independent woman. I don't like asking others to pay for things for me, and like to hold my weight in a relationship, unless it was previously agreed upon, by both parties, that one or the other was going to pay for everything or a good chunk of it. Even when I was unemployed after I'd just moved out here to NM, I was paying for the groceries and the electric bill just so I felt like I was contributing, despite my boyfriend telling me it wasn't necessary. It's just the way I am. Not saying I won't let the boyfriend buy me a nice dinner or am one of those that gets mad if you do so, but when it comes to pulling my weight in paying the bills, I prefer to. It upsets me if I can't contribute in some way.

I've also been kind of down lately. I realized a couple of days ago that this time next year I'll be finishing my master's degree and my father, again, won't be there to see my accomplishment. It was hard enough to graduate with my bachelor's degree, that he pushed me so hard to get (for which I am greatful), and supported me every step of the way, even going so far as to squirrel away his poker money (he played penny poker with the rest of my extended family on Saturday nights) and send it to me in the mail about once a month. Not usually more than 30 or 40 bucks but it was to be used to buy me something nice or put gas in my car to come home and visit he said. And yes, I know he's watching over me from above, and will see it, but it's not the same as hearing the "I'm proud of you" words from him on that day. You see, it's not a simple case of a good student finishing college. I'm the first in my immediate AND extended family to get a Bachelor's. Even more "wow" is that I'm getting a master's. I'm also thinking of continuing on to get a second Master's or my Doctorates, I haven't decided yet. They say time heals all but I disagree. Time does not heal all, it just numbs the pain until something significant comes along again. Am I angry that he's gone, not so much anymore. I used to be. Was extremly angry, just ask my previous roomie (though he often brought out the absolute worst in me, I hated him, and I don't usually use that word when it comes to people). I'm better about it now, realizing that obviously it wasn't his fault it was time for him to go, but still kind of annoyed I guess because my mom is only 47 and is now a widow and obviously struggling to recover from her loss. Unless you've lost a parent, you don't know. People told me the understood, that the pain would pass, but at the same time they didn't know, they still had both parents. Now my mom has lost her dad and so she sort of understands but it's still not exactly the same, my grandpa was older, sicker, and had lived a full life, seeing all of his children get married, become successful and have their own kids. Instead, my dad won't see me finish school, get an awesome job, get married, have kids or anything like that. The pain is not the same as losing a good friend, a grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin. Same way I could never walk up to someone who just lost their child and say "It's ok, I understand". I don't understand that sort of pain. My cousin lost her first child at 4 months old and all I did was hug her and tell I was there for her, and left it at that. Being such a tight-knit family that all pretty much lived in the same area of IL makes for honestly being there for eachother easier.

I also won't be going home for lunch, probably, so I can't weigh myself until I get home, probably after 2:30pm. I've also just finished "that time of the month" and as usual retained water and such due to it so I may have gained weight this week but I'm pretty sure if I have, it's water weight and I'm not going to beat myself up over it. We'll see. I'll update later with it and what not.


Midday update: I'm feeling better now that I've ate and such. Lost .2 says the scale, but as I said I think it's probably because of water retention. I did do the free week of weight watchers, I think it might help me by putting things into a number I can see rather than just guestimating.

Anyway I'm finishin' up some lunch and headin' back to work. Toodaloo!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Food for thought.

Before I start posting my daily food stuff like I usually do, I'mma throw some stuff out there, things that have bothered me over the years that I really hope will change (and know most will) once I get down a bit.

There are many things that you cannot do when you're big.

Clothing. I cannot go to walmart and buy myself a new bra. I have to order it online because Walmart only goes up to 48 if I am lucky and I need at least a 50. Want to use an underwire to give more support? Ha! It ends up looking like you're trying to eat your own chest and it's not very nice looking. Don't even think about the strapless ones, they don't work at this stage. I also cannot go to a department store besides maybe certain walmarts and a few places like Fashion Bug or Lane Bryant and find clothes in my size. I am currently able to fit into a 26 pair of pants and a 3x shirt fits me best good luck finding them. And if you do find some in your size, I'm sorry but they look like something my grandmother would wear. Full of flowered patterns and other such bullshit. Find something that looks fucking awesome in the normal size area, and you'll never ever see it in the large woman's area. Pisses me off. I may not be like the guru of fashion but I would like a little more selection please!!! Want to know what else is annoying about shopping and is probably one of the main reasons I loathe shopping for clothes? I am petite. Not in my weight, but my height. And big clothes don't generally come in petite, if they do they're too small even if they're the right "size". Or, my personal favorite, I love to wear tank tops in the summer, irregardless what my arms look like, I love to wear tank tops so I don't get the whole farmer's tan look, and now a days if the tank top is big enough for me to wear, the arm holes are so big you can see my bra through the hole. I may be big but damn my arms don't need a 1 foot hole to stick them through!!! >.>

Airplanes. I recently had to go back to IL where my family is for my grandfather's unexpected death the day after Thanksgiving. I got lucky on my way there and had seats with no arm rests inbetween, and no one was sitting directly next to me. But on the way back the first flight I took was packed like sardines and I felt like I was constantly trying to hold my weight away from the guy next to me so I wouldn't feel like I was taking up a bunch of his room, and on the second flight I had to take to get back home from IL the seats were those type that have the non-moveable armrests. Yeah lots of fun there. I was glad that second flight was less than an hour. And don't even get me started about having to ask for a seat belt extender.

Shoes. Being able to tie them without killing yourself. And this includes putting on socks. I have to put my socks and shoes on in the bedroom on the bed so that I have the ability to easily bring my foot up far enough to put my socks on. I don't tie my shoes I just slip them on so I don't have to bend over to tie them.

It's the little things that people don't realize. That we have to change our whole lives around to try to do properly. I want to be able to need an outfit, walk into walmart, and walk out with a good looking outfit that doesn't have a floral or other such grandmotherly print on it. I want to be able to go to Victoria Secret and get a new bra, even if it IS over priced. I want to be able to lay in the bathtub without feeling like a beached whale, there's a reason that I don't take relaxing bathes, that'd be why. I want to have the cool looking pajamas that you can't find in the bigger sizes, and stuff like that. I want to be able to wear high heels that don't make my foot look like it's coming out the top because of all the fat on it. I want to be able to run somewhere, literally, and not worry that my ankles will snap from the strain of it, or give myself black eyes with my own chest.

I want to be "normal" for the first time in my life since I was 8 years old, and that's why I'm going to try really hard to actually do it this time.

So now that my rant and such is over, me food for the day:

2 servings of Total Raisin Bran Cereal
1/2 cup 2% milk
401 calories
4.5g fat

Lunch (late lunch about 3pmish)
2 tostadas made with refried beans, lots of lettuce, tomato and a little cheese and 97/3 lean hamburger.
Dinner (about 8pm)
One bowl of home made chili left over from the night before.

1/4 cup mixed dried fruit (apples, apricots, prunes and peaches)
2 large banana's between breakfast and lunch and between "lunch" and dinner.
1 Weight Watchers ice cream bar.

Friday, January 16, 2009

I made it /cheer!

Ok, so I went to the grocery store. I've been straight up dreading it since I started this whole watching what I eat thing. Mostly because there's SO much in the grocery store you want to get and KNOW it isn't good for you! But I'm proud to announce....


I went into the grocery store with no idea what to cook for dinner next week, and walked out with about 5 good dinner meals (chicken fajitas, low fat taco fixings, stuff to make spagetti with, stuff to make beef and brocolli with, etc). I also walked out without buying any cake mixes, brownie mixes, cookies, doughnuts, candy (which was hard, I was in the checkout forever!), gum, or anything massively sugary other than the one box of weight watchers cookies and cream icecream bar thinges for desserts. I've found I've been craving something sweet and am afraid if I don't allow myself some sort of sweet thing once in a while I will end up buying cookies or something that's really not good for me.

I bought breakfast stuff (total raisin bran ftw, I love that shit!) and am good to go. I'm a little worried I won't have any lunch stuff but I honestly couldn't think of what to get at the store that wasn't chauk full of sodium (ham sandwhiches anyone?). I may have to deviate a little Monday through Thursdays and eat frozen dinners for lunch or something, I need to look into this conundrum of mine a little more. It has to be something quick because many times I have about 20 minutes tops to make something and eat it before I have to walk back to work, and yet good for me at the same time. And honestly, I can't eat PB&J sandwiches every day. Ick. Chances are if I make something the night before (like chili tonight) I'll have left overs but I can't always rely on that either. So quite the pickle I'm in.

Anyway I know I started a whole new post for it, but I wanted it seperate from today's other post. I shall allow you to go back to the regularly scheduled programming now :)


Ugh I hate mornings!

I hate mornings. No, I LOATHE mornings. Yet despite being off this morning I still got up at like 7:30 >.> Stupid internal clock.

I did have some oatmeal this morning, I found some in my cupboard shoved allllllll the way in the back (which is why I didn't see it) and ate that. I'm just now starting to get hungry so I'll be goin' to the store soon to get some food. I put a pot of chili on for dinner tonight. I love chili. It's probably one of my favorite crockpot foods besides maybe stew which I do have the stuff for and will probably make for tomorrow :)

I also found a relatively recent picture of myself to put up. My hair is much shorter now, but that's pretty much what I look like. The picture was taken in March of 2007 when we (my mom, my two "sisters" and myself) went to Arizona to spread my dad's ashes after he passed away. Some day here soon I'll dig out the camera instructions and figure out how to use the timed shot so I can take a picture of myself full body.

Anyway it's time to get up off my lazy bum and go grocery shopping. I also might clean out my car this afternoon (that in and of itself is a work out!) because it is downright gorgeous outside. I love the weather in this area I really do. So toodaloo for now. I started my little eating journal below. I'll update more as today goes of course.


2 packets of instant maple and brown sugar oatmeal
320 calories
4g fat
2 servings of Total Raisin Bran Cereal
1/2 cup 2% milk
401 calories
4.5g fat
HOME MADE CHILI! Yum yum one of my favorites! I'm not sure what the calories or anything are for a bowl of chili but I made it with the leanest meat (93/7 was the leanest I could find at my local store), one 60 oz can of tomato juice because I realized earlier this week I didn't have a blender to blend the stewed tomatos my mom usually uses, one can stewed tomatos, and 3 cans dark red kidney beans. Throw in some chili powder and walla. And this type stuff, the home made not packaged stuff is when I have problems knowing my count. I had a bowl and a half with a serving and a half of crackers and 1oz cheese. I didn't add any salt or anything. :)
1 large banana

1 weight watchers ice cream bar (was surprised how good it was!)

TOTAL FOR TODAY: Unknown...this whole eating foods that are home made is throwing me off...But I ate well and didn't "stuff" myself so I think generally I did good.

Some accomplishments of mine for today's eating.

**I didn't put any sugar on my cereal. I know cereal seems odd to eat for lunch but I hadn't ate since 7:30 due to really lack of food in the house and had gone to the store about lunch time and didn't get back until 2 and knowing I had a pot of chili that'd be done around 6 I didn't want to really eat anything large, so I had some cereal. I'm one of those cereal any time of day people. But the fact that I ate it without adding sugar is HUGE for me :)
**I didn't put any salt in the chili I made, just chili powder. I also didn't put any in when I got a bowl of it to eat, I usually like to load up the garlic salt and I know it's bad for me.

When I went to the store I also avoided picking up sunflower seeds. I love those things, but they're so very bad for me. I can't just eat one serving, I eat half of a one pound bag in a sitting without even looking. O.o

All in all regardless of what my "total" may be with the home made chili, I think I did well. I'm not hungry and will be going to bed here shortly, and tomorrow I'm making (probably) chicken Fajitas.


Thursday, January 15, 2009

For lack of a title...

I need breakfast food in my house. Note to self, buy some. :) I actually was kind of hungry when I woke up this morning, I think because I honestly didn't eat much for dinner last night, wasn't really hungry when I got home because of the lunch I had probably, so I didn't have a whole lot of dinner. So when I got up this morning I was rummaging through my cupboards looking for food but alas none to be found. Good thing I'm going shopping tomorrow then eh?! :)

I'm thinkin' of having subway for dinner tonight. My boyfriend is going to be gone at dinner so cooking for one is rather blah. Thus I shall go to Subway and get my favorite sandwich in the whole world, the oven roasted chicken breast sandwich. Slap on a ton of veggies like lettuce, tomatos, black olives, etc. Leave off the Mayo and woot woot, good to go! And before you ask, yes I will get the 6", no I'll won't get cookies or chips and I have some water in my car I bought a day or two ago that needs to go up to my house anyway so that'll be my drink!

So my food intake for today:

Breakfast (if you want to call it that, I need some fruit for here at work too!)
Granola Bar

90 calories
2g fat

Lunch (Probably not the best lunch but it's all I have in the house until tomorrow)
2 Pb&J sandwiches
(Broken down)
4 slices of bread 280 calories, 2g fat
2 tsp peanut butter 95 calories, 8g fat
2 tsp of strawberry preserves 100 calories, 0g fat

Total: 475 calories and 10g fat

Not the best in the fat department, but at least peanut butter is mostly monosaturated fats which is good for you I suppose. I actually thought I was eating a full serving of PB but I misread Tablespoon for Teaspoon and only used 2 tsp's instead of 2 tbsp lol Oh well!!! A MISTAKE FOR THE BETTER IMO! :)

The boss brought in some interesting veggie chips. There were 6 different type of veggie chips in the bag so I tried literally one of each amounting to 6 chips (who says you can't just eat one...of each type! lol).

Chips (guessing here from back of package):
64 calories
1g fat


Well try as I might, figuring out my dinner total seems next to impossible. I had:

2 thin cut trimmed top round steaks
1/2 can green beans

I can't seem to find the info on the steaks anywhere. Oh well with the total I was at and working out I'm sure I'm fine on calorie count today. If I do come across it I'll edit this post to put it in though :) And yes, you did read right, I did a little working out tonight. I used my new fitness coach "game" and worked out for 15 minutes. I'd wanted to go longer but damn that was hard on the body! Mostly because some of the stretches required me to be on my knees and my floor is not the best in the world, plus it was a pretty intense workout.

I'll add in lunch and dinner after...well lunch and dinner! :) For now though I must get back to work, time to put away charts!


Wednesday, January 14, 2009


I have followers O.o

Interesting concept that one is. I had an interesting lunch period. I generally walk (!) home for lunch from work (I live about 3ish blocks from work, why drive when it'd take me longer to get the frost off right?), however today we had a lunch at a local cafe called Pyramids that serves Greek food in celebration of one of our dental assistances' last day tomorrow so she can persue her dental degree. Do you have any idea how incredibly diffcult it is to FIND something good for you at a restraunt? I do not eat salads, I do as like ... an appetizer type thing that they bring out before your meal, but to just have a salad for lunch? Sorry I'd be hungry in hour. But not being knowledgeable in anything except gyros when it comes to greek food that's what I had for dinner. I had them put the sauce on the side, hoping that would help out a little on the calories, and I didn't eat but a very small section of the huge amount of fries that came with it (despite how good they were...) so I'm hoping I avoided mass disaster with that lunch lol.

And therein lies about a fourth of my problem. Finding out how many calories and such are in, if I make beef stew at home, and have a "bowl" of it, assuming I made sure it was one serving, how do you know what sort of calories and such are in that "bowl" of stew? ESPECIALLY if it's home made, that's usually where I fail hardcore. lol. It's one thing when you're buying from a package and can easily say ok it's got 4 servings, I had a 2 servings so divide it in 2 or multiply by 2 depending on if they give individual serving info or not.

I'm determined, however, to not make myself feel guilty for going out to lunch with co-workers (it happens very infrequently usually around birthday times and going away parties, which there's only 8 of us and most of them have been here for years and years and years so....) and rather just try really hard to be as healthy as possible of a choice depending on what restraunt was picked and go from there.

I might pull out the Wii Fit tonight depending on how I feel when I get home, and do some exercises tonight. I generally tend to exercise on the wii on the weekends, Friday Saturday and Sundays because I'm off. It's just so tiring to try to exercise as soon as I get off work considering I get off after working 10 hour shifts.

Speaking of which, I'm going to jet now. It's about 20 to 30 minutes before I'll get off today. We're actually getting out early, and I still have a small stack of charts to put away and a few other odds and ends to tidy up before the last patient gets here and leaves so I can get out of here as soon as that patient leaves :)

See ya'll soon, and thanks for following my blog!


Tuesday, January 13, 2009


I hate waking up early to eat breakfast. Hell if I had my way I wouldn't get up until right before I had to leave for work, throw on clothes and go, but alas one must shower and such in the morning before work! would think eating breakfast would be easy for me, but I can't stand to eat breakfast! I'm usually not hungry because I just woke up, and don't GET hungry until about 9am, when I'm at work and don't have access to food. So I've come up with a relatively healthy (I guess?) solution of eating a granola bar at work about 9am. I would eat oatmeal or something but it's hard for me to get the right consistancy I like at work I like mine thicker than most, and since I don't have a bowl at work, nor do I usually have enough time to eat it, a granola bar seems to be the best choice at this point. I get the 90 calorie Quakers Chocolate Chip ones. Chocolate may not be the best choice, but I'm still in the process of finding ones I like.

I'm a relatively picky eater, and I'm usually hard to get to try new things. Mostly because I'm afraid if I don't like it I'll have wasted money and during times of tight money, I refused to try anything new, relying on what I liked from stuff my mom made etc. Now my money isn't quite so tight but I am still reluctant to "waste" money on trying new things. I also do not like spending hours on end over a hot stove to try to make something either, it needs to be simple because I was never really taught how to cook, my mom was a big fan of throw it together quick or crock pot as well due to working 16 hours a day, and I work 10 hours a day so by the time I get home I generally am a bit too tired to care to cook for a long period.

Last night I may not have had the best dinner but I made sure to not eat a lot of it, we had bacon cheeseburgers. I had two burgers with one slice of bacon each and two slices of cheese. I'm finding it difficult to eat too incredibly healthy because I love food, especially stuff bad for me, and my boyfriend doesn't need to lose weight. So I'm kind of in a cross fire here. I did get the leanest hamburger possible, so it wasn't so fatty. I would've gotten low fat cheese but it usually doesn't melt well, and I like melted cheese on my hamburgers...

I have the stuff to make Beef Stew tomorrow, which is a pretty healthy choice, and Chili for Thursday or Friday, or maybe Saturday. Irregardless, I have to go to the store this week soon to get groceries. I usually go on Fridays but this Friday I have to go switch my plates over.

Anyway, I'm going to jet, time to go back to actually doing work instead of putzing around on the 'net. :)


Monday, January 12, 2009

So I've narrowed down a day...

Weighing yourself daily is generally a bad thing, seeing as your body weight tends to change upwards of 2 pounds per day. However, waiting a full month to weigh myself has proven bad for me in the past, I tend to forget why I'm dieting or exercising or whatever if I'm not reminding myself if I need to work harder or maybe I am dieting too hard and losing too fast sort of thing. So I've decided Monday's right before I eat lunch will be my time to weigh myself. My reasoning: I go home for lunch, generally, and I use my Wii Fit to weigh myself and keep track of it anyway, so I may as well do it then! Start of the work week, weigh myself, etc. Works well I think. Wii fit wants you to weigh yourself every day but I will refrain from that. I just think it'll be too discouraging.

That said, I bought the My Fitness Coach last night in Santa Fe. I like the Wii fit, it's fun and exciting and good for when I want a bunch of different stuff to do, but my main complaint has been it's too start and stop, and the new Active thingy that is coming out and will be wii board interactive is still a few months from coming out. So I'll use my Wii fit for my yoga (what little I can do at this point) and maybe some fun hulahoop action (my favorite "game" to play on there by far!).

That being said, I weight myself today (as my first starting point) and I've lost 2 pounds, which is a good start! Go me! /dance

Anyhoo, back to work I go!


Sunday, January 11, 2009

Day 3!

This'll be a short and sweet post today, I don't have a lot of time before I need to run to Walmart. I thought I'd post a few of my new year's resolutions to remind myself of what I want to work on today.

--Lose 100 pounds (possibly a 2 year resolution, we'll see how it goes)
--Clean the house more (I tend it let it go until it drives me bonkers then clean for 5 hours straight).
--Work harder at getting an "A" in my classes
--Finish a novel

Think that's a good place to start!


Friday, January 9, 2009

And so it begins...

I am overweight, and not just by a little. It's something that has bothered me for years, since I was a child, and is almost unbearable now. I've been on probably just about every diet imagineable to man, and probably animals too, and while I'll lose weight to begin with, in the end I end up back where I was and then some.

Much of my problem stems from habits I have aquired over the years, and an extreme fear of exercising. Now before you laugh, let me explain my fear. When I was 8, I lived in Rome, Georgia. I had many friends and constantly went outside to play. Shortly after we moved to Rome, I came home in the afternoon (rare for me, I usually stayed out until dusk) and complained to my mom of being really hot, dizzy and not feeling well and really short of breath. She instructed me to lay in front of the fan and cool off, so I did. About 2 hours later I woke up in an Emergency room in Rome, Georgia, with things beeping around me, my mother calling my name, and a bunch of people standing over me asking me questions. I had a massive asthma attack and when I laid in front of the fan to cool off I'd passed out and when my mom tried to wake me a few minutes later to check on me thinking I'd fallen asleep she couldn't wake me up. The doctor's idea of testing for asthma was to take away the oxygen they had put me on and see if I relapsed. Needless to say I did and as an 8 year old, suddenly being able to not breathe is a very scary experience. Since then, I've been afraid of anything remotely linked to exercising. It matters not to me if I am well controlled, asthma wise, I even think I'm getting an asthma attack and I begin to panic which makes things worse.

Now, I'm not saying that should be an excuse, I realize there are other reasons behind my extreme weight gain over the years. However, I will have to set those aside and start afresh.

Yes, it's cheesy, new years resolution, lose weight, how many times have we all said we were going to. But I'm getting to the point in my life where I feel it is very important for me to lose this weight. My entire family is diabetic AND overweight, I do not want to be the next one to develop it. Although I have no children now, I will in the future, and it's important for me to be able to play with them like a mom should, running around, chasing them, etc. I also have a very important person in my life now, and though he may not be worried about my weight and how I look with it, and loves me for who I am now, *I* care.

So my goal is to lose 150 pounds. I am 285 now, so losing the 150 will put me down to 135. I can live with that. I realize it will take a lot of work, and a lot of TIME to lose that much. I will not be my correct BMI for my height, of 5'0 but with my general bone structure, I've been told before to not expect to get below that much and still be healthy. I also realize that my weight affects my ability to land that really good job, unfortunately in this day in age, your weight can make or break you on getting the job you want, don't care what anyone says.

A little about myself, before I end for tonight. As I stated I'm 5'0, 285 pounds, 26 years old. I live in Los Alamos, NM, and I work as a receptionist in a nearby dental office. I enjoy to play video games, including world of warcraft, and I'm currently in school through the University of Phoenix online persuing my Master's degree in Health Administration. I have a loving mother who supports me no matter what I do, and two beautiful cousins that are like my sisters as my mom has been guardian of them since they were little. I also have a wonderful boyfriend who encourages me to do whatever I want to do, and whatever will make me happy.

Today I start my journey, and hopefully people don't find my blog too corny. I'll probably include other things as I go. But I hope you enjoy the blog as much as I do.

Amber (aka Farsy)