Friday, January 9, 2009

And so it begins...

I am overweight, and not just by a little. It's something that has bothered me for years, since I was a child, and is almost unbearable now. I've been on probably just about every diet imagineable to man, and probably animals too, and while I'll lose weight to begin with, in the end I end up back where I was and then some.

Much of my problem stems from habits I have aquired over the years, and an extreme fear of exercising. Now before you laugh, let me explain my fear. When I was 8, I lived in Rome, Georgia. I had many friends and constantly went outside to play. Shortly after we moved to Rome, I came home in the afternoon (rare for me, I usually stayed out until dusk) and complained to my mom of being really hot, dizzy and not feeling well and really short of breath. She instructed me to lay in front of the fan and cool off, so I did. About 2 hours later I woke up in an Emergency room in Rome, Georgia, with things beeping around me, my mother calling my name, and a bunch of people standing over me asking me questions. I had a massive asthma attack and when I laid in front of the fan to cool off I'd passed out and when my mom tried to wake me a few minutes later to check on me thinking I'd fallen asleep she couldn't wake me up. The doctor's idea of testing for asthma was to take away the oxygen they had put me on and see if I relapsed. Needless to say I did and as an 8 year old, suddenly being able to not breathe is a very scary experience. Since then, I've been afraid of anything remotely linked to exercising. It matters not to me if I am well controlled, asthma wise, I even think I'm getting an asthma attack and I begin to panic which makes things worse.

Now, I'm not saying that should be an excuse, I realize there are other reasons behind my extreme weight gain over the years. However, I will have to set those aside and start afresh.

Yes, it's cheesy, new years resolution, lose weight, how many times have we all said we were going to. But I'm getting to the point in my life where I feel it is very important for me to lose this weight. My entire family is diabetic AND overweight, I do not want to be the next one to develop it. Although I have no children now, I will in the future, and it's important for me to be able to play with them like a mom should, running around, chasing them, etc. I also have a very important person in my life now, and though he may not be worried about my weight and how I look with it, and loves me for who I am now, *I* care.

So my goal is to lose 150 pounds. I am 285 now, so losing the 150 will put me down to 135. I can live with that. I realize it will take a lot of work, and a lot of TIME to lose that much. I will not be my correct BMI for my height, of 5'0 but with my general bone structure, I've been told before to not expect to get below that much and still be healthy. I also realize that my weight affects my ability to land that really good job, unfortunately in this day in age, your weight can make or break you on getting the job you want, don't care what anyone says.

A little about myself, before I end for tonight. As I stated I'm 5'0, 285 pounds, 26 years old. I live in Los Alamos, NM, and I work as a receptionist in a nearby dental office. I enjoy to play video games, including world of warcraft, and I'm currently in school through the University of Phoenix online persuing my Master's degree in Health Administration. I have a loving mother who supports me no matter what I do, and two beautiful cousins that are like my sisters as my mom has been guardian of them since they were little. I also have a wonderful boyfriend who encourages me to do whatever I want to do, and whatever will make me happy.

Today I start my journey, and hopefully people don't find my blog too corny. I'll probably include other things as I go. But I hope you enjoy the blog as much as I do.

Amber (aka Farsy)

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