Sunday, March 1, 2009

Noticeable changes

So I just woke up a few minutes ago (rare for me to sleep past 7am). I'm nursing my poor feet which according to the doctor both have a fungal infection, my callouses make me more suseptable than most, AND of course make it damn near impossible to get rid of it in a timely manner. Nuts.

My left foot is much worse off than the right, though the main area that was really painful is feeling better. I *forced* myself to walk 10 minutes at 3.0 at the gym yesterday when I went for my appointment and did some weight lifting with the trainer. I felt very stupid and very fat for getting on the treadmill for 10 minutes and getting off, as if all the "fit" people in the room figured I couldn't take more than 10 minutes, but alas, it was only my foot giving me the problems. I was going to try for 30 but after the 10 my foot was just throbbing, time to get off! Ahh well, get this cleared up and I'll be back to my 30 to 45 minute walks.

Anyway, my topic today is noticeable changes, both on scale and off. Obviously I've lost a little under 13 pounds and am closing in on saying good bye to the 270s (weigh in tomorrow baby!). That is pretty huge for me. The fact that it's also the end of February and I've not given up, also a huge victory. I think it just might stick this time.

But other things I've noticed, one of which is highly exciting to me. I have a couple of shirts I'm going to have to retire because they're too large. I also have an Eeyore shirt that I bought when I was living in Texas that *almost* fit but was just a tad too small to be comfortable that now fits comfortably, and finally....I'm wearing my ring again.

Let me give you some background on this very special ring. I wear it on the finger you're supposed to wear your engagement ring or wedding ring. There's a specific reason. This ring was my grandmother's (on my mom's side) who was like a second mother to me. She was paralyzed on her left side for 95% of the time I knew her. I only have one memory of her not being paralyzed and I treasure it. She got married at a very young 14 years old, back when that was still ok, to her 18 year old boyfriend. She had 6 children, all but one within 2 years of eachother, that one was 3 years after the child before him and he's the oddball of the family in more ways than one. She went without bras to save up money to help pay for the house. She NEVER turned away any of my aunt and uncle's friends who would come over for dinner...she fed all of them, no matter what the cost (generally she had anywhere from 10 to 12 kids in her house for dinner). When my grandmother was paralyzed due to having a stroke and a heart attack at the same time and given 6 months to live, she couldn't talk, but she "laughed" at the doctor and proved him wrong, living 10 years beyond what they predicted. Even with her paralysis she often watched her grandchildren (especially me), and some of my most fond memories is seeing her walk into the gym (very slowly, she refused to give up her quad cane and walked wherever she could) to watch me perform at a band concert, or playing aggrevation (board game) on the handmade board that my grandfather made and my father painted. She was a total insperation to me in my life. She passed when I was 14. I was very sad.

After her passing before Thanksgiving in 1996, my mom came to me, it was about December or so, and handed me a ring. This beautiful but simple ring was a blackhills gold ring with one simple rose on top and fit my finger like a glove. She told me my grandmother had given it to her a couple of years ago and told her to hold onto it until she passed away and then give it to me. She wanted me to wear it to not only remember her, but to also remind me to keep chugging away at my goals. She wanted to remind me to not get married until after college, to continue to persue everything in life as I always have, gungho. She didn't want me to take it off until I had another ring to replace it from the man I was going to marry.

Now almost 13 years later, I can count the number of times I've had to take it off on one hand. Once for a week when I accidently left it at my boyfriend's (at the time) house when I was putting lotion on and forgot to put it back on, another time directly after my dad had a huge scare in high school and I almost lost him then, I gained a lot of weight from stressing, couldn't wear it for a couple of months, and finally just recently I'd gained some weight and again couldn't wear it. It still fit but it felt too small and I didn't want it to get completely stuck and need to be cut off or something.

But now it's back on, and it's there to stay. I plan on losing this weight and keeping it off this time, so hopefully the next time it comes off is when it's too big and needs to be resized smaller. :)


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