A small loss.

Hmm, I didn't realize I hadn't posted in a few days. I've just been busy. I only lost .5 pounds this week but I'm ok with that. I blame the absolute awesome Outback Steakhouse dinner I had two nights ago. lol. Do you realize how incredibly difficult it is to find a "good for you" meal at outback! lol. I am proud of myself though. My absolute favorite appetizer is their bloomin' onion. I LOVE IT. I've only ever had Outback twice before this weekend and both times we got the onion and I could easily eat half to 3/4 on my own. We also got the cheese fries as well.

I managed to eat 5 of the little petals from the onion and 2 of the fries, for the taste really. I also ordered a 6 oz sirloin rather than a huge 14 oz ribeye or some other insanely large piece of meat. I got the green beans thinking they would be pretty nutritious but they slather them in some sort of butter sauce. I also got the garlic mashed potatoes. I ate all the potatoes, about half of the greenbeans and the 6 oz steak. They also asked if we wanted any dessert, and I got their chocolate brownie thing, but I asked for a small portion, and they gave me about half of a normal piece, and of that piece I ate about half of that. It was very good, I savored every little bite :)

It was a very good dinner. I did not feel overly stuffed when I left. I was pleasently satisfied and it was a really really nice treat. But I know it was just FULL of salt, so that's probably why yesterday and a little today I'm still feeling bloated. I just keep chugging my water :) So I'm not going to sweat the small loss, I know WHY I didn't lose as much as normal, and I don't feel bad about it. It was a nice night out with two really good friends (one of which is expecting her second child any day now), their first kid and my friend's mom. I had an absolute blast!

So today it's back to the grindstone. I have nothing really to eat at the house, so I'm going to have to go to the store before I go home tonight if I expect to eat dinner. lol. So for lunch I plan on getting a good for me subway sandwich, and then get something for dinner. I would love to have porkchops tonight but D's home tonight, so that's not going to happen. Perhaps I will get some Chicken breasts and george forman grill them. I wish we lived in a house or a duplex where we could have an outdoor grill. I really love grilled anything really. lol.

Anyway I need to get some work done here at work, in anticipation of going home tonight and doing nothing but working on my homework assignment. Oh...joy...

Anyway, so toodaloo! Enjoy your day!

Amber

Hmph!

Why can't I seem to get my fat ass to go out and exercise? I mean seriously! Yes I know part of it is being afraid of my asthma, ok, well, fine. But at the same time I seem to always be so excited and pumped up for the weekends to go for walks and then the weekends come and I sit in my house or something. I'm getting irritated with myself. I find reasons to not go for a walk, I feel silly just walking down the block and back, and our block is so large, to walk around it is like a 3 mile walk (I kid you not!) and a good half of it is I swear at a 45 degree angle. lol. Last time I walked to the YMCA for a meeting, my legs hurt so bad for the next week I didn't want to do anything. That's half my problem too, I get to where my muscles hurt and I don't want to exercise anymore.

/le sigh.

Well, this weekend I had all this awesome exercise planned out and I realized it would probably be dashed to pieces. I forgot that Saturday I promised a friend I'd come over to his house (in Rio Rancho, about 2 hours from here), so I'll be there all day Saturday. Friday I have to work at least half a day, possibly longer. Horray for overtime but ugh I want my 3 days off in a row! I'm so spoiled lol. I also have to do laundry, grocery shopping and clean my house on Friday. So two out of the three days I had plans for exercising is kind of out the window... >.>

This whole trying to exercise around my hectic life schedule sucks.

Amber

20 pounds down.

So today was another weigh in day. I'm officially down 20 pounds.

TWENTY POUNDS!

I am 8.5 pounds away from my 10%.

I officially stopped weight watchers...I still have access to the site and forums and such but I no longer have to pay for it, and have no access to the tracker, points etc etc. Why? There's things about it I don't really care for and I wasn't using it like I should so why pay for something I'm not using. What I'm doing is working for me so far so I'm going to stick with what I'm doing. :) What's that? Counting calories, making sure I'm eating healthy and exercising. I still have the same freedom that I have with Weight Watchers. I can eat whatever I want, I just have to keep in mind that having pizza for lunch may mean I might have to eat a smaller dinner, or I may be more hungry or something. Not that I generally DO eat pizza for lunch or whatever, but I refuse to live a secluded "I'm on a diet" life. No, I will not say "I cannot have that". Rather I say "I can have that if I eat a small portion" or "I can have something similar such as a cookie dough sunday made by weight watchers made with low fat ice cream rather than a small thing of ben and jerry's cookie dough ice cream.

It's all choices, right? I choose what I eat, when I eat it and exercise and the pounds come off. Simple. Yet so many diets make things so complicated. I've done the low carb/no carb diet in the past, hated it. My personal trainer tells me to stay away from potatoes as a main veggie and I do. I used to eat meat potatoes and maybe greenbeans or corn or peas just about every night. Now it's more meat cooked with veggies. Or meat and a baked potato with green beans. Or like two nights ago, we had a small steak, mashed potatoes with gravy (I limited my gravy to 2 tbsp) and peas. I also had a small salad with it.

The challenge I have in my life is my boyfriend does not need to lose weight, and I do. I'm sure many out there have the same problem. Yes he will generally eat whatever I put in front of him, but there are times when he wants "real" food as he puts it. Last night is a prime example. He loves taco bell, so do I. I used to be able to eat a 7 layer burrito, 2 tacos, a thing of nachos and slam down a baja blast dew with it all. I don't even want to know how many calories that is. Last night he got a burrito, taco and mountain dew. I got 2 soft shell tacos with tomato and a small sprite. I ate it, I was full, life was good. I savored every bite. I hadn't had tacos from taco bell in forever! So each bite was like...immensly good to me. Before I'd scarf it, and I'd be hungry after because I ate too fast. Now I ate slowly, and enjoyed it, and was full.

I've come a long way since Jan 9th when I started. I know some people may say "OMG YOU HAD TACO BELL FOR DINNER!" and do the "shame on you" finger wagging. But I say back why not?! In small amounts, infrequently, there is NO SHAME in having "fast food". What's important is what I do after I've had such food. Do I crave the fast food and go back for more and more until I'm back to eating the way I used to eat, or do I go back to eating healthy, cooking at home, and such? Considering I always go back to eating healthy there is nothing wrong with a small deviation of living life!

My 20 pound loss I think speaks for itself.

On the computer front, it's still not working correctly. /le sigh. We had to go back to Best Buy and get a different hard drive because the one we got wasn't working correctly with Windows XP. Oh joy. So we got it back home and hooked up and got XP on it and it works...but the network card I have for that computer is on board....and I don't know where my cd's went. >.< So we got onto D's computer and found the drivers I needed but...we're both plugged into the modem, and XP don't allow that, we need a hub. /grumble.

Basically I can't get on the internet, so I can't update most of my shit, and I am extremly frustrated. I plan on going to Radio Shack today and see if I can pick up a hub and a new network card so I can stop using all this "on board" bullshit and actually get this working. SO FRUSTRATING! >.> I hate computers sometimes.

I also have my homework assignment due tonight. I worked on it over the weekend but life kept getting in the way. It was so nice out this weekend I went for a couple of walks. Then on Saturday we went to his mom and dad's house to get his brakes worked on, and have our visit with his daughter and I did my laundry. We were there most of the day. Sunday was the whole work on the computer thing, and so I didn't get shit done other than about 500 to 600 words out of the 1400 word paper. Shouldn't take me long tonight to get it done though, one would hope.

So that's been my weekend. Not a whole lot to talk about. Life is good, weight comes off, I still need new pants. I'm about to call my mom and have her ship pants from IL to me if I can't find any here! lol.

Amber

Hazzah!

I got my computer parts! We actually ended up going Wednesday evening, just D and I. It was nice to get out of the house. It can be hard to get him moving sometimes to get going, part of his problem. But he was in a great mood, I was in a great mood, and Santa Fe is lovely at night. So we hit up Best Buy around 7pm after filling one of my tires with air (I still haven't replaced them, stupid Santa Fe Walmart doesn't have a tire center!). We got my new hard drive (500gig for 100 bucks! not too shabby really), and a dvd burner WITHOUT lightscribe technology, and a new decent sound card so I won't have to use my on board card thus eliminating the whole scratchy voice over vent problem I've been having. Also picked up a new video game just cuz, all in all I spent 250 bucks. When we get all this stuff in the only thing I won't have replaced is Ram and/or Motherboard lol. Ahh well, that'll be next year probably...

So I had an off day on Wednesday eating wise. Though I'm pretty proud of myself none the less. Wednesday afternoon I had this nice little lunch planned, chicken salad with green onion, and black olives a splash of dressing and a tiny bit of cheese. I had the salad already in a bowl waiting for me at home and when I got to work...SURPRISE! We're going out for lunch at the chinese buffet because a co-worker had a birthday and we need to do her birthday lunch...oh...joy...

So I managed to go through the buffet with ONLY getting 1 cup of beef and brocolli and one cup of rice and 2 small pieces of the chicken used for sweet and sour chicken. That's it! ALL I HAD! >.< I wasn't hungry so I had no real desire to go back for anything except I did go back for probably close to a cup of fresh red grapes. HOLY SHIT! I MADE IT THROUGH A BUFFET ON ONE PLATE THAT WASNT EVEN FULL! Can you believe it? I sure as hell couldn't.

Anyway, so I was really excited, I got home and asked D if he wanted to go to Santa Fe, was shocked he said ok on a work night. We went and got the stuff and it was getting late, both of us were starving. So he started to head off to taco bell but I diverted him to Wendy's. I couldn't think of much that Taco Bell had on their menu that would be even close to being a "good choice". At Wendy's I got a large chili a 5 piece nugget and a small fry. I had about 3/4 of the chili, 4 of the nuggets and not even half of the small fry I got. Probably not the best choice ever for food, but I rarely get to eat Wendy's but you can't go to Wendy's without having a couple of chicken nuggets! I should've just stole a couple of D's fry's instead of ordering a fry, but a new idea floated into my head.

I do not have to eat all that I order!

New idea! WOW! I don't have to eat everything I order if I get full before I've ate it all! WHAT A CONCEPT! I got full and still had 2 nuggets and a good half of my fries and I looked at it and was like...why do I feel like I HAVE to eat this food? There's no reason to eat it if I'm full, so...I grabbed one more nugget (they're so good!), picked up my try and pitched it. D kind of gave me that cock-eyed dog heard something look and when I asked what he said it was the first time since I moved here that he'd ever seen me throw away food off my plate. Ever. I've been here almost a year. He asked if I was feeling ok and I said yeah I just was full.

Quite interesting this is. Learn something new every day. I may even try this at home! lol. I've also started putting dinner away into the fridge as SOON as we get our plates. I'm less tempted to get more if I walk near an empty stove than if there's still food out waiting to be eaten I've noticed.

So that's been my week, how's yours been? Oh, and for the record, despite my eating on Wednesday, I'm still down to what weight I was when I was at the end of being sick, so I've still lost so far this week. :) And I haven't even exercised yet, that comes today and Sunday XD

Toodaloo!

Amber

Computer Woes

Well, peeps, my computer hates me. Feeling is mutual at this point. I went home for lunch yesterday, had a quick bite as normal and sat down to do a little mid day wow-ing for the rest of my lunch hour. After my wow-ing was over, I shut the program off and went to brush my teeth before returning to work and when I came back around the corner, my computer had reset itself. Odd, I thought. So I told it to restart windows normally and...it wouldn't load windows! Stupid computer...

So I frantically called D and told him at work, and he said he'd take a look when he got home. He did, and came to the conclusion my hard drive is dying. Booo...While we got it up and running again, he doubts it'll last long, and I have to spend the next few days backing up all of my information and such. I am just hoping it'll hold out until Friday. I am off Friday and can go get the parts, and D said he'd put them in on Saturday for me since by the time I'd get the parts on Friday he'd be at work already and wouldn't get home until late.

Oh the joys of computers....

For now, eating is on track. My back and legs are still hurting something fierce from Sunday so I've been nursing them, hopefully I'll get to do some exercising later this week.

Amber

Weigh in day again!

So being sick really messed with my weight loss. I lost 2.9, which is awesome, but not, by any means, in the way I would've liked to. 3 solid days of not being able to eat hardly anything had me down almost 6 pounds, some of which came back when I started eating and hydrating again, and I'm fine with that.

So I guess I hit my 5% mark last week and didn't notice. I had to get under 270 to hit it and I did. lol. Shows you how much I look at numbers eh? Only reason I knew I did was because I joined WW at 281, 4 pounds under my initial starting weight of 285. I put my weight in today and it flagged it as having lost 5%, which perked my curiosity to see when I actually hit it since I started this journey a little before I started WW.

I got to thinking yesterday about reasons I started all this, beyond just the "Oh I need to lose weight for my health" thing. I think it all started when I realized that yet again my clothes were getting too tight, and uncomfortable. I was going to walmart looking for clothes and 4x clothes were either too tight, or didn't seem to fall quite right, too short, or whatever, and I was depressed. I could barely get my seatbelt on without it feeling like a struggle. I was having to take my winter coat off before getting into my car in order to be able to wear my seatbelt. No more! I told myself. Yesterday I noticed that the shirt I was wearing was no longer showing my "stomach, it was just hanging off my shoulders. I noticed that I got into my car and buckled my seatbelt with my lighter spring jacket on instead of automatically taking it off. Life is good!

I went to Walmart yesterday needing to buy pants. Have you ever gone out, as someone losing weight to find clothes, knowing you've probably dropped a pant size or two but still stick to that "oh I wear a such and such size" mentality? Yeah that was so me yesterday.

I wandered around Walmart, and everything I picked up I kept saying oh that's cute, it's a 4x it'll fit. I had about 5 things in my car and I hit the fitting room. First thing I did was try on these cute black pants with dark red thin pinstripes going down....they almost fell off me they were so big. Which actually sucks bad, I liked those pants and there was none in my size. Since I'd grabbed another pair at the same size of the same type only straight black, I didn't bother trying them on, they would be too big as well (I never did find any pants, Walmart's selection sucked, and I need new pants badly, the ones I have for work are so baggy I feel like a thug wearing them or something). Next I hit the 3 shirts I picked out. Two of the three were too big. The two that were too big were 4x as well, a 26/28 shirt. The other was a 3x that actually fit and the only reason I'd grabbed 3x was because there wasn't a 4x and the material was stretchy so I figured it might fit. The 3x is slightly uncomfortable, mostly because it's that type of material that hugs you and so I feel like I constantly need to be adjusting it. But I bought it anyway, knowing that soon it'll fit perfectly. I'm wearing it today actually, at work. It's not easy finding clothing that fits, even with being down a size. Not because there's not much selection (which is true anyway but still) but because things don't seem to fit my body correctly. I tried on this one shirt, and at a 4x it was large around the stomach and such, but the way it went across my chest made it really tight and I didn't feel comfortable at all, so much so it took two seconds of it being on to say "Mmmm NO!" lol.

My legs hurt....and not just a little. I had an appointment at the Y yesterday with my trainer to go over nutrition and such and I had the bright idea of getting my cardio in for the day by walking... Right. So I walked, 1.3 miles to get to the Y but failed to realize how damn steep the hill is to get there. It took me 31 minutes to walk the 1.3 miles and by the time I got there my legs were on fire. I sat around a little waiting for her (I got there early) and then talking with her and you'd think on the way back home it'd be cake because it's all downhill, no my legs hurt sooo bad! It's like right at the hip joint! lol. D kept saying I looked like a duck trying to walk last night. I threw his new game cd holder at him roflmao.

Anyway so that's been my weekend. Eating right, exercising and just chillin'. Hope ya'll have a great day!

Amber

Ho boy here we go again...

So....I got smacked upside the head with the "guess what!" hammer this morning. D found a new job....in Albuquerque, about 2 hours from here. He starts on the 30th. So of course my first OMG reaction was like ZOMG WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?! my stress level I think went through the roof, and then some.

After he got me to calm down (I was asking 5 billion questions I guess), he explained that this new job is going to make him 38,000 a year, as much as both of us currently make combined with him working part time at the Lab and me full time at the dental office. We're also NOT going to move right away, he's going to have training for a couple of weeks in Albuquerque and then he's going to be a system administrator and some of the stuff I guess the company he is going to work for is all over this area too, so he MAY not have to move.

I'm torn. In a way I would LOVE to move to Albequerque. I don't really care for it up here on the mountain, I would like to get away from the cold weather, and my asthma does better at lower elevations. But....

I would have to quit my job. <----That right there is scary.

Why? I had a hell of a time FINDING a job when I first moved here, granted it was probably because we lived on the mountain where there's next to no job market....but STILL! What if's started running through my head. What if I can't find a job, how will I pay my bills (I'm very independent, I hate others paying for me). What if I DO find a job and it sucks and it starts messing with my ability to finish my master's degree. What if he loses his job, what if what if what if UGH!. I hate it!

I really hope this works out, and that I can manage to squeeze in all of my dental work before we have to move (if we need to). See, right now, my dental work is free, Dr. M does it. I had one hell of a lot of cavities to fill, and a tooth that was crowned and another that's broken that either may need a crown or may just get extracted (fine with me either way honestly). I'm deathly afraid of dentists when it comes to being in the chair, so I hadn't gone to a dentist since I was 18 probably. So with all the work that's been done, if I'd have to pay for it myself you're talking thousands of dollars, and I still have probably close to 1500 to 2k left to be done. So if I can squeeze the remaining like....5 small cavities and that one big ? tooth....life would be much better.

I don't know, so many scenarios going through my head. Albequerque isn't near as expensive as it is up here, so finding a place to live would be easier and cheaper and probably bigger with more ammenities than here. Could even find an affordable place with a washer and dryer in apartment! lol. That would so make my day.

Anyway, I'm going to go, it's lunch time and I'm starving. Cross your fingers for me.

Toodaloo.

Amber

Sick

So I've been sick since Monday. I've been going to work and such but I've felt soooo sick to my stomach. Just looking at food has been enough to make my stomach start to go "flip flop" and make me feel even more ill.

I am feeling just a tad better, not by much but I'm getting there. At least this morning I didn't wake up feeling like I had a hangover like I have the last couple of days. I've just been drinking lots of water for the most part....lots and lots. I went through almost 7 bottles of water yesterday, I usually struggle to drink 4 on weekdays but I felt soooo thirsty. I'm actually kind of excited for tonight. D's going to make dinner, I just got to go get the stuff from the store tonight, he wants to make some stuffed bell peppers. I'm down any day that he wants to make dinner lol.

As I've said before, he's extremly supportive of me losing weight. He knows the last couple of weeks I've just been swamped. Between working late (I worked until almost 6:30pm last night, did that at least twice last week), my master's degree program...my house is a wreck, and the dishes are piling up (ugh), I just haven't had time to focus on me. There's been a couple of times when I ask him what he wants for dinner and he says he'll just go get something out for us and quickly disappears, then I am all like "zomg he's going to get me some fast food crap that I can't have!" but he comes back with like...Subway. Such a sweetheart.

Being sick sucks when it comes to the scale though. I'm down 1.3 since Monday yet I know when I get over whatever it is that I have, it'll probably come back. Boo.

My trainer person from the Y gave me a couple of websites ya'll might be interested in. The first is a calorie tracker that I find much more...easy to use I guess than some others I've played with. It's called fitday (www.fitday.com). There's a lot more features to use in it than some other free trackers. It has a mood tracker, good for tracking how you felt that day and if it coorelates to overeating or whatever, it's got a weight loss goal tracker, a weight tracker, body measurements tracker, food and activity tracker. I can put in my minigoal weights and look at it numberwise, or look at it graphically. It tells you what it thinks your resting calorie burn is based on your lifestyle, and then adds in your activities for the day to give you a roundabout calorie burn for the day vs. the intake. It's got a diary feature as well, so you can jot little notes to yourself (ie, today I was sick, or ... whatever, also useful for tracking trends). I've started, I think, to move away from WW. I think it helped me to get started, but there are things about WW I do not agree with, and makes no sense to me. For example. 1/2 a cup of fruit is 0 points, where a full cup is 2. ...double the fruit is 2 points when originally it was 0? Makes no sense. 0 + 0 does not equal 2.... Or another thing, 3 oz of boneless skinless chicken breast is 3 points, double it you get 6....right? wrong, it's something like 6.5 or something silly. WTF IS THAT! lol. Plus, another thing I don't like. Get a WW frozen meal for lunch 6 points but 800mg of sodium. Sodium means nothing in WW. I could eat a cup of fried rice for 8 points, or I could eat homemade fried rice for 8 points and the home made would have a ton less sodium than the restraunt style yet it's the same point value. MAKES NO SENSE TO ME!....

So...I'll wait until my subscription runs out and probably not continue it. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have had that beginning, but I don't think WW is for me in the long haul. I can see myself losing weight with them but then gaining it back once I finished...the whole "eat whatever you want" part doesn't sound right. I'm not saying I need to go gungho I can't eat anything but healthy in my life, but something doesn't seem right that I'm trying to lose weight but if I wanted to I could go have pizza hut. >.>

That being said, I do enjoy a nice night out now and again. Since this journey is supposed to be about a lifestyle change, not just a crash diet, I remind myself that nothing is "offlimits" to me, so long as I practice moderation. For example, a piece of cake at a birthday party is NOT offlimits. I just need to limit the size I eat, and/or exercise it off afterwards. A piece of pizza is NOT offlimits so long as it's just one piece, or isn't loaded with insane amounts of meat or something like that.

Basically, make healthy choices and keep the weight loss going or keep the weight off and still live life to the fullest. Nothing is more frustrating than to go to a party and realize that all the stuff there is self-induced "off limits" and results in cravings and binges. Now, I'm not one to binge, I never have been. At least not in the sense of some of the blogs I've read or anything. My weight is from a self-induced fear of exercising, my lifestyle of being a computer geek, and eating unhealthy foods like fastfood, greasy food, etc. But I do understand that sort of craving one can get that says I WANT THAT and no matter what you do you feel the urge to go out and get it! So I try to counteract my cravings by either having something small that's sweet or whatever if it's sweet I'm craving, or if it is something that's moderately unhealthy (like wanting a piece of cake at a birthday party) limiting how big it is.

It's all about lifestyle, and I keep reminding myself of that.

That was quite the ramble...anyway. The other website she gave me is called www.physicsdiet.com. For those of you that track your weight every day, this is the place for you! You put your weight in each day and it does some averaging stuff to it and tells you what your body is actually doing. So, say you weigh yourself every day and your up one day down the next, etc, it'll average it out and tell you that your body is still losing weight (ie, you're seeing water wait fluxes etc), or that you're gaining weight (usually after you've had several weight gains in a row). I've been playing around with it just because it's kind of neat. I could see it being useful for when you hit a plateau and you're frustrated that the scale isn't moving, this'll help. I don't know if I recommend weighing in every day, but I know some people do and that's fine. So here's a nifty website for you! :)

Now if only I could get my lazy ass up and exercising more....

Amber

Another weigh in, another pound gone

So it's Monday, my typical weigh in. I'm saying goodbye to the 270's today and beginning the journey through the 260's. I haven't been under 270 since 2006. I've had jaunts up into the 280's followed by a short skip into the 270's then back to the 280's again since then, but never below 270.

This weekend, somehow I found a pair of capri's that I haven't worn since 2006. They are brand new, I bought them the week before my dad passed away when I was about 248 or so. They were kind of big on me then (I like my pants to be a little baggy, tight sucks thanks much!) because they were non-stretch pants I tend to give myself a little extra room just in case, and for when Aunt Flo comes to visit. So they're a size 26 pant, non-stretch and I have no idea how they ended up in plain sight on my floor. Out of curiosity to see if they were my pants or D's (they were folded), I picked them up and was like HEY! I know these pants! So I tried them on, and they fit, comfortably though a tad bit snug. I can wear them all day and zip them up without having to do the "gotta...get...those...pants on" dance, but they're a little bit snugger than I'd normally wear my pants. Score one for me!

Otherwise it was an uneventful weekend. I have a huge homework assignment due this evening and unfortunately I haven't even really started on it. I'm was so tired from the crazy week at work I didn't even want to look at my homework, and now I'm regretting it. Hopefully I can do most if not all of it at work today because I'm really not feeling well either. Before I went to bed last night I was getting a stomach ache and chauked it up to something I'd ate not agreeing with me or something, but then this morning when I woke up it hit me like a ton of bricks again and even now at work I'm still feeling ill. Usually if it's not really me being sick but something not agreeing with me or just me lagging at getting up in the morning (I sometimes wake up feeling icky), it'll go away after I get up and get moving. Today is not one of those days. I really hope I'm not getting sick, or that I get sick enough to go home and snooze and feel more refreshed later or something.

Another good thing to report, my foot problem is gone. I'd been using some over the counter cream at first, and switched to another, different over the counter cream (per dr. advice) and that cleared it up completely over the weekend. Very happy I am. Talk like Yoda I will. Anyhooo...so my feet no longer itch or hurt like mad. Which means I can start going for walks again woo.

Anyway I'm going to stop babbling now. I need to take a look at that assignment and get to work on it. Take it easy ya'll.

Amber

Silence

I know, I've been quiet lately. Unsure what to post really, not much going on. Work's kept me busy, so busy in fact that Monday I got off at around 6, and Tuesday I got off at 10 to 7, which sucks considering I already normally work 10 hours, so tack on an extra hour or two and bleh!

Food wise I've been fine. I've tried salad the last two days and...mmm...doubtful. I need to find a night to sit down and cut up tomatoes and get some black olives and stuff to put in it. The lettuce, carrots and red cabbage is all fine and well but it's so bland and rabbit foodish. I also don't particularly care for light ranch dressing, but they didn't have any fat free or light western dressing, in fact, walmart in Espanola doesn't even CARRY western dressing....jerks. I have some regular dressing at home but it's like 15g of fat for 2 tsp or something rediculasly high like that. Not worth it... /sigh I dunno.

But anyway, so food has been fine, water intake could probably be better, I'm just barely getting in my 4 bottles of water per day on weekdays, especially this week since we've been going so late at night. I really should talk to Dr. M and see if I can keep a bottle of water up front as long as I promise to keep the cap on (which I always do anyway). He doesn't like water up front because of the computer equipment, and I can understand, but....I NEED WATER! >.>

Exercise could be much better, I constantly struggle with this aspect of weight loss. As I posted at the beginning of my blog, I am afraid of exercise. Before you laugh, read my very first post and you'll see why. Don't get me wrong, when I do exercise, I feel good after and all but it's the starting that scares me. In fact, at one point I was so scared of my asthma when I started exercising that I bought an alert necklace to wear to say I was asthmatic. My trainer said she's going to tackle exercise on Sunday with me...ehh...

I know baby steps blah blah blah. Baby steps feels too small. If I'm going to lose weight I need to push myself. I'm physically fit enough to go for longer than 10 minute walks but too scared mentally due to my childhood to walk fast enough to get my heart rate up. Nothing to do with my heart, but everything to do with my asthma. Hearth rate up = heavier breathing which could = asthma attack = scared Amber. At least that's what the brain says anyway.

Well, I'll have to figure something out. Right now work and school take up most of my weekday time. I'm also large enough that I feel downright silly working out on the wiifit in front of D. I tend to exercise when he's not around...kind of like hiding it or something, why I don't know. He's extremly extremly supportive in my decision to lose weight, and commented a couple of days ago he could tell that I had lost a little, but I've been ridiculed in the past by boyfriends and told I'd never lose it so why bother etc etc, so I guess I just don't want to think he's just saying it to be nice sort of thing, despite knowing he's genuine about it. lol.

I'm so screwy eh?

Oh well, I better get some work done on my homework if I plan on doing anything after work tonight remotely fun.

Toodaloo

Amber

Quite a bit better now!

So they still itch a bit and they're still a little tender but my feet are like 30 times better today than they were on Friday by far. On Friday they were getting worse, and I went to the doctor and got some medicated cream to use, and used it as soon as I get home, but much as you know, things always get worse before they start getting better and on Saturday I could barely walk on them. It was horrid. I put off my laundry doing and my grocery shopping because it hurt so bad to walk. Probably didn't help that I did a little bit of exercising on Saturday, despite how my feet hurt. Oh well.

But last night I actually got a full night's sleep (last 3 nights I've woke myself up scratching my feet), and woke up this morning and did the soak and cream and was able to slip my shoes on without going OWWWW, and haven't really had any problems here at work either. Hoozah!

So! Still on track with watching what I eat. I did have a nutritional counseling appointment, she suggested a visit to the land of salads but.....ugh I hate salads. It's such diet rabbit food! I'll try it but...we'll see. So despite problems exercising this weekend, I did manage to lose 1.6 pounds again this week, putting me to just under 271. Soon I'll say good bye to the 270's. I haven't been under 270 since my dad passed away in 2006. When he passed away I was 240 pounds, I quickly gained over 30 pounds in the following few months. Kind of hard to keep weight off if you're severely depressed and could care less about anything because one of your most supportive people in your life went bye bye.

Anyway, I need to get some homework done while I'm at work. I'm completly caught up for the manic monday that it is, which is a first, and am even ahead today, so a homeworking I will go! lol

Amber

Noticeable changes

So I just woke up a few minutes ago (rare for me to sleep past 7am). I'm nursing my poor feet which according to the doctor both have a fungal infection, my callouses make me more suseptable than most, AND of course make it damn near impossible to get rid of it in a timely manner. Nuts.

My left foot is much worse off than the right, though the main area that was really painful is feeling better. I *forced* myself to walk 10 minutes at 3.0 at the gym yesterday when I went for my appointment and did some weight lifting with the trainer. I felt very stupid and very fat for getting on the treadmill for 10 minutes and getting off, as if all the "fit" people in the room figured I couldn't take more than 10 minutes, but alas, it was only my foot giving me the problems. I was going to try for 30 but after the 10 my foot was just throbbing, time to get off! Ahh well, get this cleared up and I'll be back to my 30 to 45 minute walks.

Anyway, my topic today is noticeable changes, both on scale and off. Obviously I've lost a little under 13 pounds and am closing in on saying good bye to the 270s (weigh in tomorrow baby!). That is pretty huge for me. The fact that it's also the end of February and I've not given up, also a huge victory. I think it just might stick this time.

But other things I've noticed, one of which is highly exciting to me. I have a couple of shirts I'm going to have to retire because they're too large. I also have an Eeyore shirt that I bought when I was living in Texas that *almost* fit but was just a tad too small to be comfortable that now fits comfortably, and finally....I'm wearing my ring again.

Let me give you some background on this very special ring. I wear it on the finger you're supposed to wear your engagement ring or wedding ring. There's a specific reason. This ring was my grandmother's (on my mom's side) who was like a second mother to me. She was paralyzed on her left side for 95% of the time I knew her. I only have one memory of her not being paralyzed and I treasure it. She got married at a very young 14 years old, back when that was still ok, to her 18 year old boyfriend. She had 6 children, all but one within 2 years of eachother, that one was 3 years after the child before him and he's the oddball of the family in more ways than one. She went without bras to save up money to help pay for the house. She NEVER turned away any of my aunt and uncle's friends who would come over for dinner...she fed all of them, no matter what the cost (generally she had anywhere from 10 to 12 kids in her house for dinner). When my grandmother was paralyzed due to having a stroke and a heart attack at the same time and given 6 months to live, she couldn't talk, but she "laughed" at the doctor and proved him wrong, living 10 years beyond what they predicted. Even with her paralysis she often watched her grandchildren (especially me), and some of my most fond memories is seeing her walk into the gym (very slowly, she refused to give up her quad cane and walked wherever she could) to watch me perform at a band concert, or playing aggrevation (board game) on the handmade board that my grandfather made and my father painted. She was a total insperation to me in my life. She passed when I was 14. I was very sad.

After her passing before Thanksgiving in 1996, my mom came to me, it was about December or so, and handed me a ring. This beautiful but simple ring was a blackhills gold ring with one simple rose on top and fit my finger like a glove. She told me my grandmother had given it to her a couple of years ago and told her to hold onto it until she passed away and then give it to me. She wanted me to wear it to not only remember her, but to also remind me to keep chugging away at my goals. She wanted to remind me to not get married until after college, to continue to persue everything in life as I always have, gungho. She didn't want me to take it off until I had another ring to replace it from the man I was going to marry.

Now almost 13 years later, I can count the number of times I've had to take it off on one hand. Once for a week when I accidently left it at my boyfriend's (at the time) house when I was putting lotion on and forgot to put it back on, another time directly after my dad had a huge scare in high school and I almost lost him then, I gained a lot of weight from stressing, couldn't wear it for a couple of months, and finally just recently I'd gained some weight and again couldn't wear it. It still fit but it felt too small and I didn't want it to get completely stuck and need to be cut off or something.

But now it's back on, and it's there to stay. I plan on losing this weight and keeping it off this time, so hopefully the next time it comes off is when it's too big and needs to be resized smaller. :)

Amber