So I posted I was having issues, still no word on J. Her husband is being a dickwad (pardon my ... uhh French? lol) and he's blocked out my family from the hospital. It's not the first time he's been an asshat to our family, and so my uncle is supposed to go to Rockford today because you cannot legally exclude the biological parents from knowing the status of their daughter or something like that. Should I see him when I go in July I will give him a swift kick in the nads for being a dickhead!
Anyway, so regardless, knowing that I was having some emotional eating issues, I actually expected to be up today but I wasn't. I must've lost some and then gained it back. Oh well, such is life. I will do better next week. The nice thing about being broke? You can't go buy more munchies when you run out right! lol. Curse D and his need for munchies in the house to begin with...
So instead of focusing on the bad, which I've had more than enough lately kthxbai, I am turning to the good. Such as my upcoming vacation! lol. Ok so it's like 2 months away but I'm still stoked! I haven't been home (Illinois) for more than a day in over a year, and that's hard when I am very close to my extended family and they all lived in a 20 mile radius from me while growing up. Said vacation requires an airplane ride, which, if I don't lose some weight, will require a belt extender. I didn't have a good restart week, at all. I didn't exercise really, I did eat a little better but not as good as I could have, and especially over the weekend which I completely blew my diet. So despite the bad things happening right now I need to refocus and get to work.
By the way, just to throw this out there: I hate my bed. I really need a new one >.< The whole waking up every morning stiff and sore sucks!
But now I need to get back to work, I'll post more in a bit.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
A rough spot
So I got a phone call last night, from my mother...'bout 11:30pm my local time, 10:30 hers. Not completely unheard of, but since I've been dating D, she doesn't call real late for fear of awakening him when he's got enough problems sleeping as it is. Considerate mother that she is. I digress though. The point is, what she told me, in the two or three minutes that it took me to get her to calm down really threw my world for a loop. I'm going to be 28 this year, my cousin J, we'll call her for her privacy, is I think 30...31 in December if I remember right. She has 4 beautiful children ranging from 5 to 12. She has a not so nice husband, in fact, our family really can't stand him, but it's summer, and generally during the summer they're all happy go lucky, it's winter they have issues, probably from being stuck indoors all the time with 4 loud kids. rofl. Anyway, again, I digress.
No, what she called to tell me was that my cousin apparently decided her time on this earth was done and tried to OD. How, I don't know. She's in critical condition 1500 miles from here and I can't get to her. Now I've lost people in my life before. For those of you that are just joining my blog, or maybe don't remember, I lost my father in 2006, my grandfather in 2008, almost lost an aunt to cancer in 2008 (she's still alive thankfully), I moved pretty far from my mom, though now she lives closer, I live 1500 miles or more from any of the rest of my mom's side of the family who are the ones I grew up with, including this cousin.
So I'm upset, haven't slept well because I kept listening for the phone making me extremly tired. I'm trying to keep my mom on firm ground, she blames herself for no longer living in IL and not being there to help J out should she need help. I basically feel on extremely shaky ground. What really sucks, I am eating out of emotion and I know it but can't stop my self. I'm not over eating, persay, because I'm not hungry. But I see a cookie, chomp. Brownie? Chomp. Those cupcakes? Yeah, chomp. >.> I want to sedate myself eating wise just to get through all this!
Well, wish me luck, and pray for my family, I don't promise I'll be on the ball with blogging until all this blows over, but I'll try.
Until next time.
No, what she called to tell me was that my cousin apparently decided her time on this earth was done and tried to OD. How, I don't know. She's in critical condition 1500 miles from here and I can't get to her. Now I've lost people in my life before. For those of you that are just joining my blog, or maybe don't remember, I lost my father in 2006, my grandfather in 2008, almost lost an aunt to cancer in 2008 (she's still alive thankfully), I moved pretty far from my mom, though now she lives closer, I live 1500 miles or more from any of the rest of my mom's side of the family who are the ones I grew up with, including this cousin.
So I'm upset, haven't slept well because I kept listening for the phone making me extremly tired. I'm trying to keep my mom on firm ground, she blames herself for no longer living in IL and not being there to help J out should she need help. I basically feel on extremely shaky ground. What really sucks, I am eating out of emotion and I know it but can't stop my self. I'm not over eating, persay, because I'm not hungry. But I see a cookie, chomp. Brownie? Chomp. Those cupcakes? Yeah, chomp. >.> I want to sedate myself eating wise just to get through all this!
Well, wish me luck, and pray for my family, I don't promise I'll be on the ball with blogging until all this blows over, but I'll try.
Until next time.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
A revelation if you will.
So I was going to bed last night, about 11 or so in the evening. A little later than I like but not the end of the world. I'd just crawled into bed and covered up, staring at the cealing when I had a revelation. A lightbulb turning on if you will. We bitch, complain, moan and groan about how long it will take to lose 150 pounds, 100 pounds, 10 pounds, whatever. We act like it's the end of the world if our loss is less than 1 solid pound. We think (myself included sometimes) that losing 150 pounds is an insurmountable obstical. OHEMGEE 2 YEARS IS A LONG TIME MKAY?!
But this was my revelation:
If I'd started working hard to lose weight 2 years ago when I moved to Los Alamos, I may be done, or close to done now. I moved to Los Alamos, taking a huge risk on someone I only knew through a video game, a few phone calls and a face to face meeting in May of 2008. Here it is, May 2010! What?! D and I have been together for 2 years now?! WUT HIS DAUGHTER IS 4?! WHERE DOES TIME GO!
Anyway, despite my sarcasm and general laughable twisted-ness, my point is that when you're doing weight loss, the "2 years until I'm normal" thought makes it feel like it's such a long time. But in reality, 2 years goes by pretty damn quick. I guess what made me go "Duh!" is I was reading some article on some woman that lost like 120 pounds in 15 months. One day she decided "I'm done being fat!" and just did it. So the question was, to me, why can't I do that? And my realization was, I CAN do that. I just need to take the time to do it, and stop making up excuses as to why I'm NOT doing it.
If we force ourselves to eat things we "don't like" we expand our taste bud pallet. I've done that this past year. I went from "Eww brocolli" to "Mmmm raw brocolli with a little light ranch please!" Though I'm still "eww salad" I think it's not because I don't really like salad, though, it's not an all time favorite lunch....it's more because I can't eat anything cold that requires chewing at the moment (stupid teeth!). And before you ask, yes, I work at a dentist, and yes he's doing testing but we're not sure why, out of the blue, one side that has no problems at all suddenly got very sensitive to cold. The other side is because I got a crown done, and it's getting better but it's taking a little time to get used to eating on that side. But I digress. I am still, and probably always will be, "Eww Fish" lol. Some things never change.
Regardless, I have been expanding what kinds of food I eat. A year ago you wouldn't catch me dead with a plate of fresh veggies or steamed veggies with a small amount of warmed, well seasoned chicken on my plate for lunch. No, I'd be eating some sort of hotdog or something else equally rediculas. Additionally, you probably wouldn't catch me dead with a container of small curd cottage cheese or yogurt, or something else equally "healthy" in my fridge. You'd see me scarfing down 4 pieces of pizza, or half a fried chicken or something equally unhealthy on a daily basis. Instead, I have a bit of an "amazing" (from my perspective) story for you, that I shall leave you with.
Recently, D found his new love in frozen pizzas. The Garlic Bread Pizza. So much so in fact that he'll get one at least once a week to eat, either for lunch or dinner, whichever. Which is fine with me, I like garlic bread pizza. However, this week, yesterday in fact, we had said garlic bread pizza for dinner. D got home late from the wee one visit, and was hungry so he'd stopped at the store and gotten one to bring home, threw it in and it smelled so good. He even got surpreme because he knew I more than likely hadn't ate yet, and I'm not a huge fan of pepperoni only pizza. Enough babbling right, get to the point already! lol. Anyway, pizza got done, I was pretty hungry but shockingly enough...I only had 2 squares. If you made these squares I cut for myself into a normal "pizza slice" it'd be pretty thin. They weren't very big, maybe a 3inch by 3 inch square. And to be honest, a good chunk of the squares I had were "crust" rather than "toppings". But I stopped at those 2 pieces. No more. I had nothing else to eat. I was famished while it was cooking but I ate those two pieces pretty slow, not because I wanted to, but because I was doing something else on my computer while eating, and basically forgot I was eating between bites for a few minutes.
Which brings me to my new goal. And I think I'm going to make a little widget to write all these down....but my new goal is to eat slower. Instead of SCARFING AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE I want to put my fork down between bites and completely chew each bite. We'll see if that helps eh? :)
So, until my next post! Toodles!
But this was my revelation:
If I'd started working hard to lose weight 2 years ago when I moved to Los Alamos, I may be done, or close to done now. I moved to Los Alamos, taking a huge risk on someone I only knew through a video game, a few phone calls and a face to face meeting in May of 2008. Here it is, May 2010! What?! D and I have been together for 2 years now?! WUT HIS DAUGHTER IS 4?! WHERE DOES TIME GO!
Anyway, despite my sarcasm and general laughable twisted-ness, my point is that when you're doing weight loss, the "2 years until I'm normal" thought makes it feel like it's such a long time. But in reality, 2 years goes by pretty damn quick. I guess what made me go "Duh!" is I was reading some article on some woman that lost like 120 pounds in 15 months. One day she decided "I'm done being fat!" and just did it. So the question was, to me, why can't I do that? And my realization was, I CAN do that. I just need to take the time to do it, and stop making up excuses as to why I'm NOT doing it.
If we force ourselves to eat things we "don't like" we expand our taste bud pallet. I've done that this past year. I went from "Eww brocolli" to "Mmmm raw brocolli with a little light ranch please!" Though I'm still "eww salad" I think it's not because I don't really like salad, though, it's not an all time favorite lunch....it's more because I can't eat anything cold that requires chewing at the moment (stupid teeth!). And before you ask, yes, I work at a dentist, and yes he's doing testing but we're not sure why, out of the blue, one side that has no problems at all suddenly got very sensitive to cold. The other side is because I got a crown done, and it's getting better but it's taking a little time to get used to eating on that side. But I digress. I am still, and probably always will be, "Eww Fish" lol. Some things never change.
Regardless, I have been expanding what kinds of food I eat. A year ago you wouldn't catch me dead with a plate of fresh veggies or steamed veggies with a small amount of warmed, well seasoned chicken on my plate for lunch. No, I'd be eating some sort of hotdog or something else equally rediculas. Additionally, you probably wouldn't catch me dead with a container of small curd cottage cheese or yogurt, or something else equally "healthy" in my fridge. You'd see me scarfing down 4 pieces of pizza, or half a fried chicken or something equally unhealthy on a daily basis. Instead, I have a bit of an "amazing" (from my perspective) story for you, that I shall leave you with.
Recently, D found his new love in frozen pizzas. The Garlic Bread Pizza. So much so in fact that he'll get one at least once a week to eat, either for lunch or dinner, whichever. Which is fine with me, I like garlic bread pizza. However, this week, yesterday in fact, we had said garlic bread pizza for dinner. D got home late from the wee one visit, and was hungry so he'd stopped at the store and gotten one to bring home, threw it in and it smelled so good. He even got surpreme because he knew I more than likely hadn't ate yet, and I'm not a huge fan of pepperoni only pizza. Enough babbling right, get to the point already! lol. Anyway, pizza got done, I was pretty hungry but shockingly enough...I only had 2 squares. If you made these squares I cut for myself into a normal "pizza slice" it'd be pretty thin. They weren't very big, maybe a 3inch by 3 inch square. And to be honest, a good chunk of the squares I had were "crust" rather than "toppings". But I stopped at those 2 pieces. No more. I had nothing else to eat. I was famished while it was cooking but I ate those two pieces pretty slow, not because I wanted to, but because I was doing something else on my computer while eating, and basically forgot I was eating between bites for a few minutes.
Which brings me to my new goal. And I think I'm going to make a little widget to write all these down....but my new goal is to eat slower. Instead of SCARFING AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE I want to put my fork down between bites and completely chew each bite. We'll see if that helps eh? :)
So, until my next post! Toodles!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
My planning
Ok! So I said yesterday that I needed to come up with a plan I can stick to. I've found that drastically changing every little thing in my life all at once, yeah that don't work for me.
Here's some things I know.
Soda consumption needs to decrease and water consumption increase. I know this, but I <3 my soda. I generally will drink 2 or 3 16.9 oz bottles of diet dew and 1 20 oz bottle of water per day. This needs to change. My plan to change, every time I drink a bottle of dew (and I prefer bottles) I will immediately refill it with water and I am not allowed to drink any more dew until that bottle of water is gone. I will do this until I can get away from so much soda. For obvious reasons, if I'm drinking that water, I'm not in need of a drink of soda right?
Next.
I need to decrease my eating out and increase my better for me food at home. This week I'm happy to announce that I bought a week and probably 1/2 of groceries for about 50 bucks at the store. That was mostly for meat and veggies with a few quick "processed" sides for those days in which I just don't have time or energy to make a full meal. I've been doing a lot more cooking from scratch, or at least cooking from frozen veggies already chopped up. For example, I made breakfast for dinner one evening and we had scrambled eggs and I threw in some frozen onion/green pepper mix I bought at the store and a little cheese. I also made bacon though I only had 2 pieces because bacon isn't exactly the best to be eating, and a piece of toast. Being able to just use the frozen veggies cuts down on the possibility of said veggies being wasted if I don't get around to making whatever I bought it for in time, as usually happens :( So my goal for each week is to eat dinner at home 5 out of 7 days per week. Two days we go get D's little girl and we're kind of at the mercy of his parents as to what we eat, so I can't really control those two days too much, but the other 5 days I want to eat at home unless it's a special occasion!
Finally, the dreaded one. Exercise...
I'm horrible at exercise. Getting me to move my fat ass out of my computer chair to go exercise is like pulling teeth! I want to exercise, but not only do I find excuses, I am genuinely afraid of exercise. Why? I'm afraid of hurting myself (as I did November of last year by going on a 5 hour hike through Carlsbad Cavern!), or of causing myself to have a massive asthma attack. What was holding me back before was that I was without an asthma inhaler because some jerk in July stole my purse and thus my 60 dollar inhaler went poof...But I managed to get a new one! As I explained in my first post ever in this blog, I am genuinely afraid of exercise due to my asthma. When I was about 7 or 8 I had my first asthma attack, and it was not good. I passed out, went to the hospital, was on oxygen and then to "test for asthma" they took that oxygen away and of course I was still mid attack and after a few minutes I was having problems breathing again. That scares me. Try taking a straw and pinch it slightly and breathe through it and see how it feels! Scary right? Yeah well when I'm having a full blown attack, it's like that and I can't get away from it. I can't take that "straw" away to be able to breathe better. On the other hand, though, I don't feel like I'm doing anything if I'm not sweating. Telling me to "go for a short walk 5 days a week" gets me nothing. I feel like a failure if I'm not breaking a sweat, and not just because it's hot outside either >.>
This is the part I'm not sure what to do about. While I have the personal stamina for long walks, I do not have capability physically to do so as I found out going through the Carlsbad Caverns. I'd rather not repeat my pinched nerve issue. :( But just walking around the block a couple of times does nothing for me it seems, plus I'm very self concious about how I look. You know others think "Wow look at that fat ass out there walking like that's going to make them lose weight" and I won't even go there running.
So I guess let's revisit my goals:
1) For every bottle of dew I drink I must immediately refill it with water and not drink another dew until that water is done.
2) Eat in for dinner 5 days out of 7 per week. I already generally eat lunch at home. Generally.
3) Exercise more. I'm going to start small and work up, I guess 3 days a week, 20 minutes per day is ok. Walking to work yeah that doesn't count. The 5 minutes to walk to work I'm already accustomed to.
What say ye?
Here's some things I know.
Soda consumption needs to decrease and water consumption increase. I know this, but I <3 my soda. I generally will drink 2 or 3 16.9 oz bottles of diet dew and 1 20 oz bottle of water per day. This needs to change. My plan to change, every time I drink a bottle of dew (and I prefer bottles) I will immediately refill it with water and I am not allowed to drink any more dew until that bottle of water is gone. I will do this until I can get away from so much soda. For obvious reasons, if I'm drinking that water, I'm not in need of a drink of soda right?
Next.
I need to decrease my eating out and increase my better for me food at home. This week I'm happy to announce that I bought a week and probably 1/2 of groceries for about 50 bucks at the store. That was mostly for meat and veggies with a few quick "processed" sides for those days in which I just don't have time or energy to make a full meal. I've been doing a lot more cooking from scratch, or at least cooking from frozen veggies already chopped up. For example, I made breakfast for dinner one evening and we had scrambled eggs and I threw in some frozen onion/green pepper mix I bought at the store and a little cheese. I also made bacon though I only had 2 pieces because bacon isn't exactly the best to be eating, and a piece of toast. Being able to just use the frozen veggies cuts down on the possibility of said veggies being wasted if I don't get around to making whatever I bought it for in time, as usually happens :( So my goal for each week is to eat dinner at home 5 out of 7 days per week. Two days we go get D's little girl and we're kind of at the mercy of his parents as to what we eat, so I can't really control those two days too much, but the other 5 days I want to eat at home unless it's a special occasion!
Finally, the dreaded one. Exercise...
I'm horrible at exercise. Getting me to move my fat ass out of my computer chair to go exercise is like pulling teeth! I want to exercise, but not only do I find excuses, I am genuinely afraid of exercise. Why? I'm afraid of hurting myself (as I did November of last year by going on a 5 hour hike through Carlsbad Cavern!), or of causing myself to have a massive asthma attack. What was holding me back before was that I was without an asthma inhaler because some jerk in July stole my purse and thus my 60 dollar inhaler went poof...But I managed to get a new one! As I explained in my first post ever in this blog, I am genuinely afraid of exercise due to my asthma. When I was about 7 or 8 I had my first asthma attack, and it was not good. I passed out, went to the hospital, was on oxygen and then to "test for asthma" they took that oxygen away and of course I was still mid attack and after a few minutes I was having problems breathing again. That scares me. Try taking a straw and pinch it slightly and breathe through it and see how it feels! Scary right? Yeah well when I'm having a full blown attack, it's like that and I can't get away from it. I can't take that "straw" away to be able to breathe better. On the other hand, though, I don't feel like I'm doing anything if I'm not sweating. Telling me to "go for a short walk 5 days a week" gets me nothing. I feel like a failure if I'm not breaking a sweat, and not just because it's hot outside either >.>
This is the part I'm not sure what to do about. While I have the personal stamina for long walks, I do not have capability physically to do so as I found out going through the Carlsbad Caverns. I'd rather not repeat my pinched nerve issue. :( But just walking around the block a couple of times does nothing for me it seems, plus I'm very self concious about how I look. You know others think "Wow look at that fat ass out there walking like that's going to make them lose weight" and I won't even go there running.
So I guess let's revisit my goals:
1) For every bottle of dew I drink I must immediately refill it with water and not drink another dew until that water is done.
2) Eat in for dinner 5 days out of 7 per week. I already generally eat lunch at home. Generally.
3) Exercise more. I'm going to start small and work up, I guess 3 days a week, 20 minutes per day is ok. Walking to work yeah that doesn't count. The 5 minutes to walk to work I'm already accustomed to.
What say ye?
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
A long time coming!
Ok, so hiatus is bad mkay? Back on the bandwagon I go! I lost a bit, gained a bit, but I'm still below my original 285 starting weight so I am not completely depressed by my gaining back. A lot has happened in the almost year that I've been gone, so let me give you some of the highlights!
Lets see....in July I moved my mom cross country to Arizona, about 8 hours from me. Lovin' it, I go visit anytime I get a 4 day weekend, which is basically any time there's a holiday on a Monday since I only work 4 days a week anyway. I'm actively looking to move to Arizona where it's warmer and exercising would be more accessable. So if anyone has a job they can hook me up with, do eet! lol.
Fast forward to the last 4 months of the year and my Master's degree program really started getting crazy. Continual 15 page papers can kill a person if they're not already insane. Lucky for me I had willpower the size of the titanic when it came to getting work done. I finished my Master's degree in March with a 3.81 gpa. Now if only my willpower for not overeating and eating stuff I shouldn't was so good!
Couple all that insane stuff of working full time, papers out the wazoo....throw in a pretty nasty winter full of dumping snow on us and my will to go outside and exercise was non-existant and we just don't have enough room in the house to do so. We do but it requires moving soooo much stuff out of the way to make a small area to move around in.
In February I did the ultimate HUZZAH! I got my eyes fixed so no more glasses. Lasik for the win yo! I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I just need a working camera to show ya'll how awesome I feel and look without them. It was a huge boost to my self esteem and kind of got me thinkin' about losing weight again. It's AMAZING to be able to wake up and be able to see without fishing around for your glasses. You know Thelma from Scooby Doo? Yeah that was so me. I'd knock my glasses off my side table and then would be looking around for them by touch going "Man I wish I had my glasses so I could find my glasses!"
Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, all the major holidays I tend to love to eat, and thus gain weight.
So where do I stand? I've gained back about 12 pounds. I'm sitting at 273. Not happy about it, but it's a fact of life that if you don't work at something and just fall into compliance you stop losing and eventually start gaining.
So this is the start of a new period, again, for me. In which I will be looking into losing more, especially since I'm going to be flying to Illinois come July for a cousin's wedding and one of the things we're going to do there is go to a water park. Ugh, swimsuits! lol. Oh well, I have the general philosophy that if you don't like what you see when I'm in my swimsuit, don't look. I don't go showing off anything, I'm in a 1 piece, but I'm not going to cover every inch up just because I'm fat. Sorry. Same way I like wearing tanktops in the summer. Kiss it if you don't like it! But that doesn't mean I don't want to lose weight to fit into a better swimsuit this year! While I've gained some weight back, my clothes are still fitting that I bought a year ago.
My first order of business, I need to come up with a plan. Any advice would be welcome. I think an uber utter change in my entire life would be a bad idea. I've tried that and while I do well for a couple weeks I end up right back to where I was. I need to make some small but significant changes over time, and see the weight loss in order to feel like I'm getting somewhere. >.> Oh, and yeah I tried the whole cut out all soda, doesn't work for me. I need my morning soda! But I drink diet, so that's not an issue, always have drank diet actually...
So my general plan is to eat better by incorporating more home cooked meals (I'm tired of spending 200+ a month on eating out okay? I'll be honest, we eat out that much! Rediculas!). And when I cook said home cooked meals, I want to make them not quite as bad for me. Add more veggies, find a way to incorporate more better for me foods that I like. I don't like fish, so don't even go there. >.> Neither does D! Regardless, I have learned to like brocolli, and many things I used to dislike over the past couple of years, but fish I just can't like. Ugh! lol.
I also want to exercise more, but as I posted waaaaay back a year or so ago, exercise scares me. My asthma is just awful and it's exercise as well as allergen induced. I go for a walk and come home panting and all I did was walk! :( So frustrating. So if you have advice for some exercises I can do that won't kick my ass seven ways from Sunday I'm all ears!
So...for those of you intersted, embark with me, once again, on my weight loss journey and let's see how far we can get shall we? :) I'm reminded of a lyric from Sick Puppies.... It's been a long time comin', the table's turned around...one of us is goin'...goin' down! Woo! Much like that song, no matter how long it takes, it won't be me goin' down for the count, it'll be the weight!
Lets see....in July I moved my mom cross country to Arizona, about 8 hours from me. Lovin' it, I go visit anytime I get a 4 day weekend, which is basically any time there's a holiday on a Monday since I only work 4 days a week anyway. I'm actively looking to move to Arizona where it's warmer and exercising would be more accessable. So if anyone has a job they can hook me up with, do eet! lol.
Fast forward to the last 4 months of the year and my Master's degree program really started getting crazy. Continual 15 page papers can kill a person if they're not already insane. Lucky for me I had willpower the size of the titanic when it came to getting work done. I finished my Master's degree in March with a 3.81 gpa. Now if only my willpower for not overeating and eating stuff I shouldn't was so good!
Couple all that insane stuff of working full time, papers out the wazoo....throw in a pretty nasty winter full of dumping snow on us and my will to go outside and exercise was non-existant and we just don't have enough room in the house to do so. We do but it requires moving soooo much stuff out of the way to make a small area to move around in.
In February I did the ultimate HUZZAH! I got my eyes fixed so no more glasses. Lasik for the win yo! I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I just need a working camera to show ya'll how awesome I feel and look without them. It was a huge boost to my self esteem and kind of got me thinkin' about losing weight again. It's AMAZING to be able to wake up and be able to see without fishing around for your glasses. You know Thelma from Scooby Doo? Yeah that was so me. I'd knock my glasses off my side table and then would be looking around for them by touch going "Man I wish I had my glasses so I could find my glasses!"
Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, all the major holidays I tend to love to eat, and thus gain weight.
So where do I stand? I've gained back about 12 pounds. I'm sitting at 273. Not happy about it, but it's a fact of life that if you don't work at something and just fall into compliance you stop losing and eventually start gaining.
So this is the start of a new period, again, for me. In which I will be looking into losing more, especially since I'm going to be flying to Illinois come July for a cousin's wedding and one of the things we're going to do there is go to a water park. Ugh, swimsuits! lol. Oh well, I have the general philosophy that if you don't like what you see when I'm in my swimsuit, don't look. I don't go showing off anything, I'm in a 1 piece, but I'm not going to cover every inch up just because I'm fat. Sorry. Same way I like wearing tanktops in the summer. Kiss it if you don't like it! But that doesn't mean I don't want to lose weight to fit into a better swimsuit this year! While I've gained some weight back, my clothes are still fitting that I bought a year ago.
My first order of business, I need to come up with a plan. Any advice would be welcome. I think an uber utter change in my entire life would be a bad idea. I've tried that and while I do well for a couple weeks I end up right back to where I was. I need to make some small but significant changes over time, and see the weight loss in order to feel like I'm getting somewhere. >.> Oh, and yeah I tried the whole cut out all soda, doesn't work for me. I need my morning soda! But I drink diet, so that's not an issue, always have drank diet actually...
So my general plan is to eat better by incorporating more home cooked meals (I'm tired of spending 200+ a month on eating out okay? I'll be honest, we eat out that much! Rediculas!). And when I cook said home cooked meals, I want to make them not quite as bad for me. Add more veggies, find a way to incorporate more better for me foods that I like. I don't like fish, so don't even go there. >.> Neither does D! Regardless, I have learned to like brocolli, and many things I used to dislike over the past couple of years, but fish I just can't like. Ugh! lol.
I also want to exercise more, but as I posted waaaaay back a year or so ago, exercise scares me. My asthma is just awful and it's exercise as well as allergen induced. I go for a walk and come home panting and all I did was walk! :( So frustrating. So if you have advice for some exercises I can do that won't kick my ass seven ways from Sunday I'm all ears!
So...for those of you intersted, embark with me, once again, on my weight loss journey and let's see how far we can get shall we? :) I'm reminded of a lyric from Sick Puppies.... It's been a long time comin', the table's turned around...one of us is goin'...goin' down! Woo! Much like that song, no matter how long it takes, it won't be me goin' down for the count, it'll be the weight!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Victory!
No, I haven't lost any more weight (though I did gain some and lose some again, see below), but I did have a huge huge non-scale victory this past week. I mentioned before that I was going to be flying to Illinois to pick my mom and the kids and her Uhaul up and drive them all cross country to Apache Junction, AZ so they could move there. I was really kind of apprehensive about the flying because I hate, detest and otherwise loathe flying as a large woman. Well, since I really hadn't lost much weight since my last weigh in (I've been hovering around 260 give or take a pound or two), I asked for a seatbelt extender as I got on. I had the seat next to the window and D had the middle seat and some lady who was the mom to the really really annoying child in seat directly behind me that kept kicking my chair and hitting his window with the empty water bottle he had. Well I sat down and tried to put my seatbelt on and IT FIT. Sure I had to have it as large as possible to make it fit, but it fit, and fit comfortably at that spot. I probably could've made it smaller but m'eh.
Then on the ride, we spent so much time in the truck, and I managed to go the whole way without feeling like I was taking up a ton of room in the truck, or squishing my cousin (accidently there were a couple of times when we squished her between us in playing).
Now, the road trip was a disaster diet wise. I gained about 5 pounds (was at 265 Monday). But today I'm back down to 261 from eating right again. Now I just need to start drinking more water. :) I still struggle with the 4 water bottles a day. Not because I'm drinking other things just I don't have enough time in the day! lol.
Anyway so I gotta end it here, gots me some work to do, just thought I'd do an update :)
Amber
Then on the ride, we spent so much time in the truck, and I managed to go the whole way without feeling like I was taking up a ton of room in the truck, or squishing my cousin (accidently there were a couple of times when we squished her between us in playing).
Now, the road trip was a disaster diet wise. I gained about 5 pounds (was at 265 Monday). But today I'm back down to 261 from eating right again. Now I just need to start drinking more water. :) I still struggle with the 4 water bottles a day. Not because I'm drinking other things just I don't have enough time in the day! lol.
Anyway so I gotta end it here, gots me some work to do, just thought I'd do an update :)
Amber
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