So I got a phone call last night, from my mother...'bout 11:30pm my local time, 10:30 hers. Not completely unheard of, but since I've been dating D, she doesn't call real late for fear of awakening him when he's got enough problems sleeping as it is. Considerate mother that she is. I digress though. The point is, what she told me, in the two or three minutes that it took me to get her to calm down really threw my world for a loop. I'm going to be 28 this year, my cousin J, we'll call her for her privacy, is I think 30...31 in December if I remember right. She has 4 beautiful children ranging from 5 to 12. She has a not so nice husband, in fact, our family really can't stand him, but it's summer, and generally during the summer they're all happy go lucky, it's winter they have issues, probably from being stuck indoors all the time with 4 loud kids. rofl. Anyway, again, I digress.
No, what she called to tell me was that my cousin apparently decided her time on this earth was done and tried to OD. How, I don't know. She's in critical condition 1500 miles from here and I can't get to her. Now I've lost people in my life before. For those of you that are just joining my blog, or maybe don't remember, I lost my father in 2006, my grandfather in 2008, almost lost an aunt to cancer in 2008 (she's still alive thankfully), I moved pretty far from my mom, though now she lives closer, I live 1500 miles or more from any of the rest of my mom's side of the family who are the ones I grew up with, including this cousin.
So I'm upset, haven't slept well because I kept listening for the phone making me extremly tired. I'm trying to keep my mom on firm ground, she blames herself for no longer living in IL and not being there to help J out should she need help. I basically feel on extremely shaky ground. What really sucks, I am eating out of emotion and I know it but can't stop my self. I'm not over eating, persay, because I'm not hungry. But I see a cookie, chomp. Brownie? Chomp. Those cupcakes? Yeah, chomp. >.> I want to sedate myself eating wise just to get through all this!
Well, wish me luck, and pray for my family, I don't promise I'll be on the ball with blogging until all this blows over, but I'll try.
Until next time.
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First off (((((((hugs)))))))
ReplyDeleteYou know eating isn't going to stop the pain. You'll still have to deal with the pain.
I've lost a few friends to suicide. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Even if your Mom was in IL there's no guarantee that she could help J. We both know that.
Now who needs help is those kids.
The kids may start thinking that it was something they did to cause Mommy to go over the deep end.
Be there for the kids.
(((((((hugs))))))))))
I just cant imagine what you must be going through! It's good that you can be there for your Mom through all this. Its an awful feeling being so helpless. Try your best to be mindful about what you chomp on and know that I'll be praying for you and your family.
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