Food for thought.

Before I start posting my daily food stuff like I usually do, I'mma throw some stuff out there, things that have bothered me over the years that I really hope will change (and know most will) once I get down a bit.

There are many things that you cannot do when you're big.

Clothing. I cannot go to walmart and buy myself a new bra. I have to order it online because Walmart only goes up to 48 if I am lucky and I need at least a 50. Want to use an underwire to give more support? Ha! It ends up looking like you're trying to eat your own chest and it's not very nice looking. Don't even think about the strapless ones, they don't work at this stage. I also cannot go to a department store besides maybe certain walmarts and a few places like Fashion Bug or Lane Bryant and find clothes in my size. I am currently able to fit into a 26 pair of pants and a 3x shirt fits me best good luck finding them. And if you do find some in your size, I'm sorry but they look like something my grandmother would wear. Full of flowered patterns and other such bullshit. Find something that looks fucking awesome in the normal size area, and you'll never ever see it in the large woman's area. Pisses me off. I may not be like the guru of fashion but I would like a little more selection please!!! Want to know what else is annoying about shopping and is probably one of the main reasons I loathe shopping for clothes? I am petite. Not in my weight, but my height. And big clothes don't generally come in petite, if they do they're too small even if they're the right "size". Or, my personal favorite, I love to wear tank tops in the summer, irregardless what my arms look like, I love to wear tank tops so I don't get the whole farmer's tan look, and now a days if the tank top is big enough for me to wear, the arm holes are so big you can see my bra through the hole. I may be big but damn my arms don't need a 1 foot hole to stick them through!!! >.>

Airplanes. I recently had to go back to IL where my family is for my grandfather's unexpected death the day after Thanksgiving. I got lucky on my way there and had seats with no arm rests inbetween, and no one was sitting directly next to me. But on the way back the first flight I took was packed like sardines and I felt like I was constantly trying to hold my weight away from the guy next to me so I wouldn't feel like I was taking up a bunch of his room, and on the second flight I had to take to get back home from IL the seats were those type that have the non-moveable armrests. Yeah lots of fun there. I was glad that second flight was less than an hour. And don't even get me started about having to ask for a seat belt extender.

Shoes. Being able to tie them without killing yourself. And this includes putting on socks. I have to put my socks and shoes on in the bedroom on the bed so that I have the ability to easily bring my foot up far enough to put my socks on. I don't tie my shoes I just slip them on so I don't have to bend over to tie them.

It's the little things that people don't realize. That we have to change our whole lives around to try to do properly. I want to be able to need an outfit, walk into walmart, and walk out with a good looking outfit that doesn't have a floral or other such grandmotherly print on it. I want to be able to go to Victoria Secret and get a new bra, even if it IS over priced. I want to be able to lay in the bathtub without feeling like a beached whale, there's a reason that I don't take relaxing bathes, that'd be why. I want to have the cool looking pajamas that you can't find in the bigger sizes, and stuff like that. I want to be able to wear high heels that don't make my foot look like it's coming out the top because of all the fat on it. I want to be able to run somewhere, literally, and not worry that my ankles will snap from the strain of it, or give myself black eyes with my own chest.

I want to be "normal" for the first time in my life since I was 8 years old, and that's why I'm going to try really hard to actually do it this time.

So now that my rant and such is over, me food for the day:

Breakfast
2 servings of Total Raisin Bran Cereal
1/2 cup 2% milk
401 calories
4.5g fat

Lunch (late lunch about 3pmish)
2 tostadas made with refried beans, lots of lettuce, tomato and a little cheese and 97/3 lean hamburger.
Dinner (about 8pm)
One bowl of home made chili left over from the night before.

Snacks
1/4 cup mixed dried fruit (apples, apricots, prunes and peaches)
2 large banana's between breakfast and lunch and between "lunch" and dinner.
Dessert
1 Weight Watchers ice cream bar.